Being jealous of your boyfriend's ex-boyfriend
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« on: June 12, 2010, 08:13:15 pm »

Is it okay if you're jealous, when your boyfriend is still friends with his ex-boyfriend with who he had his longest relationship (and only long-term relationship) and have phone and internet communication and sometimes go out for coffee?

What if the ex-boyfriend, was the one who dumped him and is quite hot and acclaimed and has the same age as you?

I can't help but feeling that had he the choice, he would be with him, but I know he does love me. I sometimes feel like a "second choice" meaning, that if he met him now, maybe they would hit it off better.

How do you handle ex-boyfriends? I personally need a lot of energy to not feel jealous, I don't know if it is wrong or not, I used to be in a very bad relationship and there are left-overs from there.
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« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2010, 12:40:14 am »



You seem to have serious trust issues with this man. If that is his fault then you can not change him. If it is your insecurity then you must learn to trust again somehow but an open discussion and his support are the only way to solve this .
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« Reply #2 on: June 28, 2010, 12:51:40 am »

Update: They went of for a coffee together alone when he knew I couldn't remotely be there because I was busy.

Also, his ex now calls more frequently, plus, they went out at about 16:00, my boyfriend had had no sleep the other day so it was expected from him to sleep early that day so he slept from 21:00 but woke up at 11:00 in the morning (14 hours of sleep) plus he also felt sleepy for the rest of the day.

With the combination of his ex's frequent calls, I couldn't help but wonder, did he cheat on me with his ex that day? Met at 16:00, slept at 21:00, 14 hours of sleep. There is a gap there isn't there? Also, they went for a coffee very near his house. Which is strange. I don't know. :-(
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« Reply #3 on: June 28, 2010, 05:50:34 am »

your problem is just basically you. i'm not picking on you, btw, but here's what i got from your rants/questions/posts:

you feel insecure.

you have a trust issue with your bf.

and you are definitely not doing anything productive about it by keeping all your thoughts, questions, insecurities and fears to yourself.

you are in a relationship and part of a productive and healthy relationship is talking about these things and working out problems so that these things won't alienate both of you from each other.

i understand why you need to rant here. it is healthy but you really need to talk to your bf about these things.

then and only then can you decide/discover where you are in this relationship.

you might be right or wrong with your assumptions and fears but once you get the truth, you can then plan on what to do next.

don't waste your life in silence.

also, when you talk to your bf about these things, talk in a calm and matter-of-fact manner and avoid the "drama"...

nothing good can come out of it.

good luck.
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¡ʎʇıʌɐɹƃ ƃuıʎɟǝp sı oɥɔuɐnɾ


millions have tried to sleep with me....

only thousands have succeeded!



to define oneself is to limit oneself! from my aunt, oscar wilde
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« Reply #4 on: June 28, 2010, 03:32:50 pm »

You have to remember, this is the same boyfriend that doesn't care how his female friend treats him {pornynick}.  They already discussed that and the boyfriend chose his female friend over ponynick's feelings.

It does seem very odd that the boyfriend has sided with his female friend and is now also regularly seeing his ex.
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« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2010, 06:05:23 am »

if all else fails and you are no longer happy with the situation, then letting go is the only thing keeping you from freedom and happiness...

all emotional pain lasts only 15 minutes... after that, it's just self-indulgence...

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¡ʎʇıʌɐɹƃ ƃuıʎɟǝp sı oɥɔuɐnɾ


millions have tried to sleep with me....

only thousands have succeeded!



to define oneself is to limit oneself! from my aunt, oscar wilde
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« Reply #6 on: October 27, 2014, 02:25:38 pm »

I don't get in relationships where the other person is very close to his exes, I just don't, I'm not saying it's wrong or that I'm wrong, I'm saying I just don't like it, I've had two long term relationships in the past, one ended amicably the other not, I do talk to them sometimes when I see them on social gatherings but what's in the past is in the past, my current boyfriend is of the same idea, and so far we hadn't had any problems about it.

Now, talking about your case you need to decide if you can put up or it is too much for you, talk with your boyfriend, hear is opinion and reasons and then decide if you can or not continue on this relationship
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« Reply #7 on: November 02, 2014, 09:17:27 am »

Being jealous of your bf's ex is a must. Otherwise you are just not in love.
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« Reply #8 on: November 03, 2014, 06:30:21 am »

I don't let my boyfriend get near his ex!
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« Reply #9 on: December 30, 2015, 02:49:45 am »

I think a small amount of jealousy (if we want to call it that) is normal and healthy, regarding your current partners exes. I find it hard to deal with them, if they're too close, but I've noticed men have different reasons for having exes still around, none of them ever really good. I've ended it with a great guy because of these things, mostly because he kept every ex-boyfriend and old fuckbuddy around to feed his ego. He never cheated, he was just the type who needed a big circle of men around to make him feel good and desired: one was never enough, he needed backups. He wasn't willing to deal with his personal issues, nor even consider my feelings after I told him it bothered me that he spent all his free time with guys just desperate to fuck him again (really slutty past, had a bit of a reputation before we got together), so I ended it.

It sounds possessive or superjealous, typed out like that, but it's not like I tried to control his life or anything Cheesy Just made me uncomfortable, and when he didn't care (about my feelings or his problems) I realised I couldn't stay with him. Regardless, I think it's something gay men need to talk about more, the idea of ex-boyfriends/fuckbuddies/hookups being around, because it seems so many of us have a few floaters like that in our lives, and it leads to a lot of doubt and mistrust and paranoia in otherwise good relationships.

Just my tuppenceworth on and old topic :3
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« Reply #10 on: December 30, 2015, 06:59:56 am »

just don't end up stalking your bf  Cry
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« Reply #11 on: December 30, 2015, 12:20:24 pm »

For me if my partner talks to an ex I always think well they are not together for a reason anymore and he's with me now and dont worry, but we've been together 12 years now
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« Reply #12 on: January 10, 2016, 10:35:27 pm »

Ok... they are ex-boyfriend... if you didn't know that and you knew they where only friends you would be jealous? Your boyfriend cannot have friends?
Think only that he chose you and not him at the end, but you cannot impose him not being friend with someone, or you will live in paranoia...
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« Reply #13 on: January 16, 2016, 11:05:18 am »

personally, my bf maintaining constant communication with his ex might become an issue for me.  police
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« Reply #14 on: March 23, 2016, 08:23:49 pm »

I feel like I should be saying "lose the insecurity" etc  but honestly, I wouldn't be cool with this.

You need to have a sit down and explain your feelings.
Don't accuse him of, or insinutate any cheating. That would just be your jelousy talking and will push it into a fight. If he really cares for you he needs to respect you enough not to be maintaining such a close relationship with his Ex.

I know it's a horrible thing to ask and i'd even admit to that but I would still need it to happen.
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« Reply #15 on: June 13, 2016, 08:53:35 pm »

Being jealous of your bf's ex is a must. Otherwise you are just not in love.

ivanunss...

That's straight bullshit!

"Jealously" is not an indicator of one's love, but more so of one's insecurity; and the issues behind that insecurity.

Of course, that's my personal opinion; and you too (sigh), are entitled to yours.
« Last Edit: June 13, 2016, 09:24:31 pm by (Hidden) » Logged



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