Lost that Loving Feeling
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« on: March 23, 2011, 02:08:16 am »

Lost that Loving Feeling

My situation is slightly funny...more though, kind of sad.

I have recently taken advantage of using massage as a help for my sore body since I have returned to working out. Well...long story short, have stumbled across a few masseuses that provide a little something-something towards the end of the workout...well...the 3 massage dudes basically tried their best, but to little avail...it just didn't work without me putting in a little handwork of my own. I had read a while ago that if someone uses their own hands a LOT that they can become desensitized to other people's touch, therefore, no response whatsoever...and trust me, on Sunday night...I wanted to respond VERY badly Smiley The massage dude liked what he saw and it was "for both of us" he said...when he began...truly, I was nervous about the massage session, but more or less nervous if I couldn't get it up (and out...).

I haven't j/o since Sun so only 2 days out of the gate and I can tell I am more horny than normal, but I have refrained from doing it myself. I have even tried to stay off torrent sites so that I don't add to my already long list of porn that gets me wound up...I am hoping that by Thur or Fri, I will be more responsive and can set up an appt for some extra relief.

So...anyone else ever felt like you have lost that loving feeling and did you ever get it back???
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« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2011, 03:49:21 am »

Oh my, that's a hard one...

The same reason we see our own faults when we look in the mirror applies here -- nobody knows our bodies like we do.  The self-knowledge that lets your fingers hit that spot right there is something your new friend doesn't know, yet.  It takes time and effort to learn just what does it for you, and, sadly, there are many who aren't intuitive enough or willing to take the time/effort to learn what makes you scream and arch for the ceiling.

The pressure of "wanting to respond, very badly" doesn't help at all.  Relax and let what happens happen.  Perhaps he will learn what he needs to know by watching you.  If you are really lucky, he will find something you don't know about yet! 

There's a local fellow, he physically hits so many of my buttons that it's not funny, and when it's "his turn", I can pretty much take him to the edge, or over it, whenever I want to (providing he shows up, but that's another story.) On the other side, he doesn't know enough about the differences in our equipment to do the trick.  At least he knows enough to keep it comfortable, more than I can say for some others.  If he were as taken by me as I am taken by him, he could figure it out, but he can't take basic directions, and when I show him something (in his body) that he would find useful, he's usually busy thinking (or not thinking...) about something else.

Getting it up, or out, may not work that well.  Pressure is not your friend.  Patience, however, is.  Take the time, have fun with it, show him what works, let him show you what works, and see what happens.  It might help to think about what he's doing, it might not.  Your milage may vary.  For some, running a mental commentary of what your partner is doing can be helpful, for others, just riding the feeling is the way to go.  "Oh Yeah!"s, "That's the way"s, and "a little lower"s doesn't just sound good in the movies, the directions can be stimulating for both of you, and may give him the clues he needs.

Good luck!
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« Reply #2 on: March 24, 2011, 03:35:54 pm »

When he said patience, i would say... wooing.  You need to woo or be wooed.  Foreplay isn't all about making it hard, it's about making the other person feel wanted, in the most primal way.  You can nibble on his earlobe (or he can do it to you), kiss your g-spots or something.  Passionate experimentation is the way to go!
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« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2011, 05:26:09 pm »

In some cases, the feeling of having "lost your mojo" as it were can be caused by one of two different things. It can either be caused by large amounts of stress (often revolving around money or a disagreement), or it can be caused by a lack of sexual adventure. In the cases of lack of sexual adventure, there are two different ways you can "cure" that. On the most part, keep an open mind and try new things. Perhaps a different position, place, theme, or setting may provide a refreshed sense of interest. As well, sometimes trying different things, regardless of whether or not they're "kinky" such as exploring your partner's body, seeing what makes them go "oohhhh", etc. may be that extra little bit that suddenly adds that sizzle all over again. The same can also be done when same is done by your partner. The other option is open communication. In some cases, clear communication of any form (be it verbal or not) is the best way to enhance a sexual experience. For example, recognizing both your and your partner's "oh baby" spots is a very important key in the sexual pleasure, especially when the knowledge that you/they are hitting that "oh baby" spot increases the sexual feeling mutually.

The most important key is to discover the things that "do it" for you. Keep in mind as well that there's more to a relationship than just the sex. There's also a care and compassion for your partner (well... unless it's a 1 night stand) and the vibes that you get when you're with them. Just because a sexual drive may decrease, doesn't necessarily mean that there's no feeling at all left. One of the best ways to get involved is open communication. If you and your partner do not actively and clearly communicate, there may be things that act as that "stresser" that decrease the sexual drive between the two of you on both sides. The only way to correct this if this is the case is through open and honest communication.

In the end, only time will tell. As well, as the old saying goes, "If you love it, let it go. It if come's back, then you know it's right. If it doesn't, then it never was." I do not know the author of that comment, but it is definitely very true. I hope all the best for you Smiley
« Last Edit: March 24, 2011, 05:29:10 pm by (Hidden) » Logged



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« Reply #4 on: July 08, 2011, 02:22:29 pm »

ilijah, the first 2 comments are valuable - and you might be able to relate to a couple of things in them - and maybe some of it won't apply to you at all.
It's natural to think that by simply being in a sexual situation that you should get instantly rock hard - but that's only true in porno, not in real life.
Like you - I was once in a paid massage situation, where 'extras' were offered at the end. He was kinda cute - but not some-one I'd cruise on the street, so, if I was honest, I wasn't really that into him - and it didn't matter what he did or said, my dick just didn't react. He used his hands and his mouth and my dick didn't move. I ended up using my own hand, only getting half hard, and I left his place feeling awful - the ENTIRE experience was a huge flop. There were two things at play here - one was that he wasn't really my type, but more importantly, and the whole situation felt 'artificial' like a Production. No wonder I didn't get hard!   
I urge you not to get 'paid massage + extras' confused with 'real' lust.  Coz they're completely different things.

Saunas and parks don't "work" for me either. Lot's of guys love them I know, but they just make me nervous - and you know what happens (and what doesn't happen) when you're nervous!

As I read your post, I keep seeing you talk about being Nervous.  Well, "Performance Anxiety" is REAL baby - and putting yourself under pressure to get hard is the best way to keep yourself soft.  Once you've had a bit of experience (and become a mega-slut like me) you'll find there are some guys who only have to look at you and you'll start getting movement in your pants. And you'll find others who can try every trick in the book and you'll never even start to get stiff.   That's the way it is in real life for us sensitive authentic types.

Keep exploring - try ALL kinds of things. You'll find what does work for you, and you'll also learn what is just a waste of time for you.  And please - Don't Judge! It's real easy to give yourself a hard time for not getting hard. Maybe your dick is just being honest with you - maybe your not the type who can be bought, maybe you need to be in it heart and soul !

(That's a good thing, by the way.)
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« Reply #5 on: July 14, 2011, 05:22:25 pm »

while i'm horny at times, i found that one of the things that get me hard is when my boyfriend kisses me passionately (of course my knees get turned to jelly somewhat).  hehehe maybe that will work, too!
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« Reply #6 on: May 18, 2015, 04:25:27 am »

I feel confused because my german bf says he loves me but when i ask him about marriage he often nods his heas like saying NO, and that he will in vestigate the procedures for non-EU citizens but he has not done so. I love him so much and he does the same. We met last year

We've been dating for 2 years now and i want to marry him because i love him a lot, i am not interested in the inmigration thingy, just want to be with him forever
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« Reply #7 on: March 07, 2017, 02:24:00 am »

Gay marriage is still rather new in Europe - and stranger to many people outside of EU and North America.

There is 'a lot of' immigration of sexual minorities to Europe. Could imagine most of them don't come with a marriage in mind, but many dream of a union, to grow old with somebody, in a liberal atmosphere, not to mention far from war zones.
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