Coming out to children??
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« on: September 12, 2014, 08:02:18 am »

At what age should you come out to your child, or is it better to leave it unsaid. My oldest is going on 13 and I feel like it's time to have that conversation with him. At this point I think he is old enough to understand.
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« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2014, 08:10:04 am »

Well, I only have experience as an uncle - but by 13 most of my nieces/nephews had figured it out on their own. Most kids, depending on where you live, have seen gay people on TV / the media - so they put the pieces together.

It's never better to leave it unsaid. It's possible one of your children might be gay - and if you hide it, then they'll think they need to hide it. Even if they aren't, however, keeping it a secret makes it seem like you have something to be ashamed of - which you don't.

The appropriate age really depends on the child - but kids will surprise you. By the time my niece and nephew were 13 and I had, "The talk," they were like, "Omggggggg old news."

If you think he is old enough to understand now - he was probably old enough to understand a while ago, and you should just tell him. Smiley
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« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2014, 06:01:21 pm »

I came out to my oldest when he was 15 and brought up the subject: He's 33 now and our relationships is best described as estranged.
My other kids (currently 16 and 18) grew up with me being gay/bi so it was no big deal. My youngest is still too young to know what's up. 
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Thank You,
Ajax0980
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« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2014, 08:15:37 am »

I think the earlier the better; in fact, I think waiting until they "understand it" is way later than it should be.

Early exposure makes it more likely they will 'accept' it and not use it as a point of resentment. Further, as alexandyr85 says, most kids aren't stupid. They probably already know, or at least suspect, unless you don't see them often, which I hope is not the case.

Just tell them, but personally, I recommend doing so in a way other than "let's sit down and have a really serious discussion", I'd try to find a way to bring it up in a casual conversation that has a lead-in, like LGBT rights or watching a TV show that has an LGBT character in it or the like. It'll make it less awkward for both of you.
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« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2014, 08:27:32 am »

I think the earlier the better; in fact, I think waiting until they "understand it" is way later than it should be.

Early exposure makes it more likely they will 'accept' it and not use it as a point of resentment. Further, as alexandyr85 says, most kids aren't stupid. They probably already know, or at least suspect, unless you don't see them often, which I hope is not the case.

Just tell them, but personally, I recommend doing so in a way other than "let's sit down and have a really serious discussion", I'd try to find a way to bring it up in a casual conversation that has a lead-in, like LGBT rights or watching a TV show that has an LGBT character in it or the like. It'll make it less awkward for both of you.
Agreed!! Thanks!! Smiley
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« Reply #5 on: November 23, 2014, 04:30:19 pm »

In the US, I would say if your kid is in school, they probably get it by now. But I think there most definitely an element of the appropriate timing of a conversation. I know one friend whose 7 year old son just up and asked him one day, "Daddy, do you, you know, like like Steve? Because if you do, you should probably tell him."

It was his way of encouraging his single father to pursue a relationship with someone that he knew my friend enjoyed spending time with. In fact, the three of them would often do things together, like go to the zoo, and the movies.

I think a lot of the language is out there now, for kids. They can identify GLBT characters in media, and it is part of conversation more so than at any time. But I think really, only you know your kid. But I will say, they are pretty smart.
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« Reply #6 on: December 04, 2014, 02:48:01 pm »

I think the earlier the better; in fact, I think waiting until they "understand it" is way later than it should be.

Early exposure makes it more likely they will 'accept' it and not use it as a point of resentment. Further, as alexandyr85 says, most kids aren't stupid. They probably already know, or at least suspect, unless you don't see them often, which I hope is not the case.

Just tell them, but personally, I recommend doing so in a way other than "let's sit down and have a really serious discussion", I'd try to find a way to bring it up in a casual conversation that has a lead-in, like LGBT rights or watching a TV show that has an LGBT character in it or the like. It'll make it less awkward for both of you.
Oh that's a good idea
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« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2015, 03:28:46 pm »

I don't have children of my own, but I work with children and have two nephews and a neice. I have never seen any reason to hide anything. I personally don't believe in a person being gay, straight or bi or whatever, so I don't tell people I am this or that sexuality, but I wouldn't hide or lie about the fact that I was engaged to a dude before. And that I have dated guys. Of course there's a time and place for everything and discussing your sex life with a young child is not something that they're ready for, but if a kid knows that a mom and dad are together what's the problem of that kid knowing that I am together with a guy?
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« Reply #8 on: June 23, 2015, 03:59:56 am »

I do not currently have children but its not something to hide. One of my straight friends has a 4 year old child with his fiance and she comes over with them to visit me and my man... they just act like they usually do, introducing their friends to their child and showing her we are just like any other couple.

Should be brought up kind of like the topic of sex... as it comes up, no pressure, no hiding. I'd say to anyone with children to just be yourself and don't worry so much about it.
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« Reply #9 on: July 01, 2015, 07:34:27 pm »

hmmm
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« Reply #10 on: July 29, 2015, 06:20:32 am »

Let them find out. Makes it look easier
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« Reply #11 on: August 01, 2016, 03:37:37 pm »

It mostly depends on the context in which he grew up. In a liberal one, 13 is enough but in a conservative one is not.
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« Reply #12 on: September 16, 2016, 09:22:19 pm »

Gay parents children probably are well educated and decent children. They will understand it, and they wont have any problems with that. However, right time should be waited
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« Reply #13 on: September 16, 2017, 12:13:36 am »


It’s never too early to come out to your child/ren.

Kids understand love.

What they don’t understand is deception or hiding.

And it’s never too late to come out to your child.

 angel



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