Is coming out necessary at all? what is coming out actually?
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Author Topic: Is coming out necessary at all? what is coming out actually?  (Read 17286 times)
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« Reply #20 on: February 14, 2015, 01:03:18 am »

There is such a load on coming out and it really leaves much to the imagination of the people you are coming out to. It also really depends on how you come out. In essence you are telling them you are humping guys. But if you tell them you have been dating this guy, that wants to meet them, then it all becomes more real and they may understand that you and the guy you're dating are just regular dudes.

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« Reply #21 on: May 03, 2016, 10:16:38 pm »

For me is like this: is it making your life incomplete of fakeish to not "come out"? Are the people who you are afraid to hurt or drive away worth keeping at your side anyway? Is  it gonna bring you problems, can it means violence towards you?
One´s gonna pick his fights and choose what it makes one feels better in the first place, can´t live the life others choose for himself and stuff
Closet

You gotta be sincere with yourself in the first place, rennounce all your own prejudices and free yourself to do what you like, to enjoy life, to be yourself however you feel comfortable to be.
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« Reply #22 on: May 15, 2016, 11:48:37 pm »

"what is coming out actually?" In my opinion, it means being open (at least to 'close' people) about your sexual preferences. It is mostly about feeling free in trusted settings. For example: At my parents home, a trusted place, I really want to be able to take my boyfriend with me. On the other hand, on my study, very few people know about me having a boyfriend. But, I don't care because it is not really relevant anyway in that setting. So a coming out restricts (in my opinion) to people that you care about (and care about you).

"Is coming out necessary at all?" Abstractly, the answer should be: no; in a perfect world, people don't care about one's sexual preference. Unfortunately, heteronormativity is really strong in the real world, implying that most people around you expect you to be straight and sometimes even want you to be straight. This results in not feeling free to express homosexual feelings, what most people experience when they are still in the closet.
Also, socially, the answer is: no. If one can cope with less freedom around loved ones (family, friends), and seperate this part of one's life completely from the 'homosexual part' (for a undefinite time), a coming out is not necessary. However, most people cannot endure this, and chose either for a coming out, either for a full seperation from family and the old friends.
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« Reply #23 on: May 16, 2016, 05:17:27 pm »

some ppl feel a huge burden lifted of their chest when they come out - declaring their sexuality to friends or family and u know that it has bugged them to keep it a secret. this is what i have been told.

i am still in the closet and i dont feel the slightest weight being carried. if at all, i just find it annoying when ppl try to set me up with some random woman. at that point i wish i can tell i am gay. but that means they might start setting me up with random man. which is also sthing i dont want.

guess its to each his own. having said that - have had gay guys tell me that i should come out and be visible and not hide. annoying as f***.
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« Reply #24 on: May 16, 2016, 06:27:26 pm »

jjevvann you should be thankful that where you are from, your life is not at risk because you are gay. If it is a threat to your existence then you can never tell anyone. Otherwise letting people who are close to you know who you are is something which does help but then not all the time. Especially if they are super conservative.
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« Reply #25 on: May 21, 2016, 05:30:15 am »

it should be a personal thing , no one has the right to pass judgement on any person because they did or did not come out.
what really angers me is those that force or "out" people , they to me are the lowest scum.
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« Reply #26 on: May 24, 2016, 11:51:38 am »

i have been wondering what is comin out ... is it telling family and frends that you are gay .?
i have never told any of my family or straight friends that i'm gay..... but i have been dating guyz for 5 yrs now, and had been in 2 relationships ... and that works for me, my best frend also duxnt knw im gay ... i have managed somehow to live a happy.

Necessary? No.
Worthwhile? Perhaps.

All I can say, that in my opinion you dont need to "come out", you need to "not hide".
Someone asks if youre gay / bi / whatsoever - say yes.
You have a new boyfriend? Tell it to your friend!
I can't guarantee you will have always a positive response, but believe me, the true friends will be shown.
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« Reply #27 on: May 25, 2016, 09:20:47 am »

I live in a country where being gay is a big sin. When I was younger I told one of my sister and some of my friends that I am gay. They are good people. They accept that but they also hope that someday "I will be cured".

Now I think I don't need to tell. Like one has said, it is none of their business. I don't tell, I don't deny. It is my personal thing. People has personal things.

If coming out make this life change into the life where I can hold my boy friend in public without people starring at us, my family are welcome when my boyfriend visit them, my straight friends are OK when I kiss my boyfriend in front of them, I will do that for sure. But it won't happen. So I choose to go on my romance and my sexual life happily and personally.
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« Reply #28 on: May 27, 2016, 02:09:55 pm »

While I think you can indeed live a 'happy' life not being 'out' as gay, that happiness is only relative - i.e. you're only happy as far as you are aware, because you have not experienced being out and the happiness such might yield. Not coming out and experiencing the sheer ease of mind it gives you etc is also a happy experience; many would argue an experience happier than the one being lived by someone who is not out. However, because you are not out, you are happy but know no different and so you can't truly gage your happiness vis-a-vis being out. Only those who are out can truly say they are happier than if they were not or that they were happier when they weren't out because they have experienced both states. Your current state of happiness is only relative to what you know, and as you don't know how much happier/unhappier you would be if you were out, to say you are happy in a definitive sense is somewhat self-misleading. Your understanding of happiness will change should you come out and it may lead you to think you were happier before or happier after the fact. I'm certainly not agrguing that coming out would make anyone happier, and indeed I recognise that for certain people it may be highly likely that coming out will decrease their happiness substantially, but I am arguing that it is worth the chance in most non-extreme cases (i.e. where your life would not be in immediate danger etc) coming out, for you will only ever be uncertain as to how you would feel if you never came out, and may in fact have missed out on a truer and deeper happiness in life, even if you say you are happy now. xx
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« Reply #29 on: May 28, 2016, 06:43:48 am »

many would argue an experience happier than the one being lived by someone who is not out. However, because you are not out, you are happy but know no different and so you can't truly gage your happiness vis-a-vis being out. Only those who are out can truly say they are happier than if they were not or that they were happier when they weren't out because they have experienced both states. Your current state of happiness is only relative to what you know, and as you don't know how much happier/unhappier you would be if you were out, to say you are happy in a definitive sense is somewhat self-misleading.

I am not intended to compare my happiness with someone else's happiness. I am not either intended to say I am happier than people who come out.  Azn. Live with your choice and be happy. Come out if you think it is worth it. Every choice have consequences. No matter what it is, you can be happy if you can deal with those consequences. No gauge for sure. but, for me, happiness will arise when I love myself, respect myself as I am. No gauge but I can feel it. And I hope You are happy, no matter your choice is. No need to compare, I guess.
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« Reply #30 on: May 29, 2016, 05:09:24 am »

I don't think "coming out" is necessary, and I've never come out to anyone. They've just deduced the fact that I'm gay because I say things like "damn, that guy looks good" or "this dude I hooked up with..." and stuff like that. My parents only know I'm gay because I told them I was going to move in with a guy I was seeing. I acted like it was no big deal and they did the same thing (although they did look a little shocked). If someone asks if I'm gay I tell them that most of my relationships have been with men, and leave it at that. I don't mind being associated with flag-waving super proud gay dudes, and I have quite a few friends that are like that but I've never felt comfortable presenting myself in that way.
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