Hookup Phobia
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« on: October 22, 2014, 06:47:08 am »

I'm starting to believe that I have a phobia of hooking up. For the last few months I have set up countless hookups, and haven't went to any of them, or backed out at the last minute. I am definitely not a tease, but I just can't bring myself to do it anymore for some odd reason. Do you grow out of hooking up at some point or am I just being weird?
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« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2014, 05:45:31 pm »

I have a similar issue. I usually can't stand the idea of meeting someone before building up some trust with him... I guess It's just fear... but sometimes it really looks like teasing, and it makes me feel bad.
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« Reply #2 on: October 22, 2014, 06:15:54 pm »

I can understand perfectly what you mean because i have the same problem.
I was in many date sites and i had many opportunities to meet and have sex but in the last minute, there was something that was changing my mind.
There are many dangers with online dating. Heck, there is danger wtih the classic way of dating.
We are hearing so many things on the news regarding online dating and we subconcioually are affected.
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« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2014, 06:07:39 am »

I have a similar issue. I usually can't stand the idea of meeting someone before building up some trust with him... I guess It's just fear... but sometimes it really looks like teasing, and it makes me feel bad.
Exactly, immediately after I stand them up, I feel horrible, because I wouldn't want it done to me. This is crazy.
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« Reply #4 on: October 23, 2014, 06:09:09 am »

I can understand perfectly what you mean because i have the same problem.
I was in many date sites and i had many opportunities to meet and have sex but in the last minute, there was something that was changing my mind.
There are many dangers with online dating. Heck, there is danger wtih the classic way of dating.
We are hearing so many things on the news regarding online dating and we subconcioually are affected.
This might possibly be it. There are many dangers, but no more than it used to be. But maybe you're right and it is a subconscious thing.
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« Reply #5 on: October 26, 2014, 05:34:55 pm »

Then stop setting up hookups and start setting up dates!
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« Reply #6 on: October 26, 2014, 05:40:05 pm »

I'm starting to believe that I have a phobia of hooking up. For the last few months I have set up countless hookups, and haven't went to any of them, or backed out at the last minute. I am definitely not a tease, but I just can't bring myself to do it anymore for some odd reason. Do you grow out of hooking up at some point or am I just being weird?

I quickly grew out of it myself. I won't say that I'm abstinent, but if I'm not in a relationship I find I don't really need sex that much. Beyond that I'm told I'm a little hard to please so good old Mr. Randy Handy takes care of me just fine until the next BF comes along. Personally I believe it's a sign of maturity so why don't you stop trying to hook up and start looking for something more meaningful.
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« Reply #7 on: January 02, 2015, 05:42:11 am »

rew out of it myself. I won't say that I'm abstinent, but if I'm not in a relationship I find I don't really need sex that much. Beyond that I'm told I'm a little hard to please so good old Mr. Randy Handy takes care of me just fine until the next BF comes along. Personally I believe it's a sign of maturity so why don't you stop trying to hook up and start looking for something more meaningful.
[/quote]

Could not agree with this more. I've never understood those guys that are constantly horny and have to hookup all the time. Maybe it's a higher plane of existence where basic primeval instincts can be overcome? Or maybe it's just lack of caring. Hard to say
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« Reply #8 on: January 03, 2015, 06:14:19 pm »

I can honestly say that I share the same fears of hooking up to a large extent. My fear is mainly based on a very bad experience that I had where the person that I hooked up with was a pathalogical liar and started stirring the pot after we hooked up. Long story made short, I went to jail because of something I didn't do over a hook-up. I've had a bit of a phobia of hook ups ever since.
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The only difference between martyrdom and suicide is press coverage!

"Education is all we have left when we have forgotten everything we learned in school." -- Albert Einstein
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« Reply #9 on: January 03, 2015, 10:11:22 pm »

It might be worth a shot to try dating without the intention of hooking up. I used to hook up quite a bit myself before until an STI scare....then I stopped. Now I'm in a happy committed relationship Smiley
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« Reply #10 on: January 04, 2015, 12:38:45 pm »

Same issue here...coz i am really afraid of STD.
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« Reply #11 on: January 04, 2015, 06:08:39 pm »

Personally I believe it's a sign of maturity so why don't you stop trying to hook up and start looking for something more meaningful.

Spending hours online, meeting and talking to people, only to back out last minute is hardly a sign of maturity. This appears to be a case of antisocial personality in which person has a hard time communicating with new people a.k.a. strangers. It's a common thing to be afraid of unknown. Human brain interprets these fears as danger, therefore leading to instinctive human reaction - flight. However, usually body is stronger than mind. So when the penis yearns for sensation or the booty itches (or both), one turns to online hook up, talking and sending sexies, only to repeat the same thing yet again - run away before the date. If one doesn't find an exit out of this paradox, his future is likely filled with cats, gardening, emo music, googling cyanide, etc.

So I guess it's time to grow some balls and man up.
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« Reply #12 on: January 05, 2015, 11:07:31 pm »

You can always try meeting someone face to face for a coffee first (next to home) before you decide whether to hook up or not with them. At least this way you get to see who they are like first.. talking or chatting on hookup apps doesn't always get you clear indications of who they are.

I have lots of hookups that turned into friendships! I just go out and have coffee with them and they are all aware that we have no intention of hooking up again.

As for STD's.. it's not something preventable so the best way is always get a check once every 3 months (for those sexually active) or being abstinence. The chance of catching something is really up to luck so unless you're quite unlucky the chance is still quite low.

J
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« Reply #13 on: January 08, 2015, 09:43:31 am »

What's STD?
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« Reply #14 on: January 08, 2015, 04:04:29 pm »

STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease) is sometimes also referred to as STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection).

In my case, I have the "grand daddy" of them all... I have HIV
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The only difference between martyrdom and suicide is press coverage!

"Education is all we have left when we have forgotten everything we learned in school." -- Albert Einstein
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« Reply #15 on: January 31, 2015, 10:44:22 pm »

I get the fear it is hard to meet people online that just don't want to have sex immediately.  Most of the sites are all about hookups.
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« Reply #16 on: February 01, 2015, 03:51:09 am »

I have pretty crippling anxiety. Generalized anxiety, but also pretty extreme social anxiety. "Hooking up" has never been my thing because of it. When I have casual sex, it's usually with someone I've met unplanned. It just happens in the moment if a guy I happen to meet is into me and makes it known, but never through an encounter set up online.

Truth be told, I don't like planned, or even unplanned hook ups very much. Because of my anxiety problems, I have a lot of trust issues as someone else mentioned, and it's hard for me to get into it with someone I with who I haven't developed a substantial degree of intimacy and trust.

Truth be told, I enjoy sex a lot, but I'd prefer to just have a steady partner due to the difficulty I have in getting comfortable with new people. I probably sound crazy, being in my mid-20's, but I really just want a steady one-guy relationship. I'd much prefer intense sex with a single person I trust enough that I can let go of my anxieties and really get into it with than a lifetime of fumbling, nervous fucking I hadn't really been prepared for, or a hookup that requires all kinds of very impersonal stat swapping and evaluation for a one-time fuck that might end up being unenjoyable.

I suppose we have individual reasons for our discomfort with these things, but the point is, I don't think it's all that strange. I'm sure there's plenty of guys just like us in the world, we just don't encounter them online because they're seldom seen on dating/hookup websites, and if they are, they (and I) get scared away the minute someone starts paying attention to them. Roll Eyes
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« Reply #17 on: December 30, 2016, 07:15:13 pm »

It's just frightening when you go to the place of the person, things are kinda dark and you only can think: Okay, what if he is a serial killer and kills me right now? Instantly i recap all my life, so most hookups on grindr (where i go directly to the person's house) for me have a bit of  passing-away experience for me. I generally don't like to go out at night, although it's more difficult somehow to find partners during the day.

But that's what gives us phobia, the unknown. It "might" be a psychopath, 99% of times may not be but there's still the 1%. I feel kinda scared too when i have sex with a stranger, even if it was safe-sex, and then some weeks later i get a flu or something. So far nothing happened with me, but i confess it's pretty terrifying.
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« Reply #18 on: December 30, 2016, 07:46:32 pm »

indeed I'm on grindr and a psychopath gnagnagna ! Evil
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« Reply #19 on: December 30, 2016, 10:08:28 pm »

@danijelr15 @hotdutch
Both of you are 100% right, I always think "what if this guy just want to find someone to beat up/rob or a serial killer?", especially if he seems a bit out of the league (no I don't mean those spam bots that opens with "hi there sexy"). However if you would like to be cautious then you probably should aim for non-sexual meet ups rather than wasting someone's time setting up something that you know you are likely to bail out of. I state in my profile that I'm not looking for hook ups yet still get guys message me with "want to have some fun?", at the same time when I message someone that says they are after friends only yet they don't reply - though probably because I'm not goodlooking enough to be his friend haha.

I'm also into fetish play where I says in my profile that I want to meet for a non-sexual session first before it progresses any further, yet still get guys setting up meetings and not turning up, it's funny that I can predict their grandma will fall ill or they will get a cold on the day we were meant to be meeting up. To help to screen the weirdos, I only will consider progressing further once we meet for a coffee first, if they are genuine enough to show up knowing there is no sex involved, they will be worth your time.
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