Alternative to a dildo?

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Ok, so I still live with my parents and can't risk going out to get a dildo or ordering one, so what could I use instead which would provide similar pleasure?

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A cock with Trojan Magnum XL on it A good one would hit the right spots 




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Ok, so I still live with my parents and can't risk going out to get a dildo or ordering one, so what could I use instead which would provide similar pleasure?

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Plenty of straight guys I know have dildos to use on ladies.. or for ladies to use on them. If youre closeted you could just claim that's the reason.

Or you could hide it so they won't find it, I used to stash a lot of stuff in a teddy bear when I lived at home, the open seam was covered by it's clothes. I wouldn't go shoving foreign objects, that weren't purpose made for it, up there - they could have harmful plastics or varnish etc.

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Plenty of straight guys I know have dildos to use on ladies.. or for ladies to use on them. If youre closeted you could just claim that's the reason.

Or you could hide it so they won't find it, I used to stash a lot of stuff in a teddy bear when I lived at home, the open seam was covered by it's clothes. I wouldn't go shoving foreign objects, that weren't purpose made for it, up there - they could have harmful plastics or varnish etc.

Actually this is a great advice. Get an accurate size dildo and hide it.
Or you could use your fingers, they're free and nobody suspects on it...

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As for an alternative to a dildo, experiment.  If it fits than why shouldn't it be a perfectly acceptable alternative to a dildo.

I have heard tales of certain vegetables working in a pinch. brush handles, remote controls and I once had a boss who would flip a chair over and use one of the legs while waiting for the guy drunk enough to willingly choose to be inside of him.  (Not bitter, he was nasty before I worked for him, during my employ and I presume still is to this day).

Someone who almost certainly wasn't me lost their anal cherry to a broom handle.

The right candle.

I should stop before I suggest a kitchen sink as well.

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Don't try carrots. They can easily break inside you, and you will not want that 

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When I was experimenting with the idea of bottoming (I'm a top), I didn't want to invest in a dildo without knowing if I'd ever use it again or not. Cucumbers worked great.

Although if you're in America, the cucumbers there are probably too big.... I've seen smaller ones in supermarkets before, but the ones I've seen were probably too small.

But if you're in Europe or something, cucumbers will probably be just the right size.

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Telling your parents you buyed a dildo would probably be very awkward. I would never try this with mine   So far I have been using my finger since I'm too afraid to break something Maybe try to go to a shop and you might find something right ? Some sort of pen maybe ? Does a dildo feel that much better ? 

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Tee hee hee I bought a new type of lube today and thought of this conversation because I thought the packaging might make it dual purpose.  Mind you, I have easy access to a variety of dildos.

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No offense, but I can't believe you're authentic in asking the question- only because I would think that if you got off on anal you'd have experimented at least some and figured out something.  On the chance I'm mistaken, I can only offer some unoriginal standbys.  The produce section at your grocery store will offer something that you'd be able to use- cukes, zucchini, a really large carrot, etc.  Use a rubber on it and there you go.  While at the grocery store you could check out the bottled beverages sections looking for something in a plastic bottle that  at least approaches the size and shape you want. 

If your mom is a baker- esp. if she's into artisinal bread- might have a variety of  rolling pins and there might be one or some that are solid one-piece jobs, tapered at the ends.

One other thing off the top of my head is there would be possibly hundreds of different things at a home maintenance store like Lowes or the Home depot, from hand rails down to dowels, pvc pipe. rubber pipe metal pipe.  There'll be an aisle that carries furniture hardware and a selection of furniture legs of every shape length and girth.  I forgot to mention it again with the rolling pins- just use a basic condom to cover whatever you're using to prevent splinters or rough surfaces and keeping the bread from smelling like ass.   

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  don't do it like this guy at walmart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz97VhhPaak

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don't do it like this guy at walmart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz97VhhPaak

Is that what the kids these days refer to as an epic fail?  He seemed more uncomfortable than the cashier.

Also:  carrot, lube & condoms for under $4?  I may have to rethink everything.

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You should try it sometimes hahah

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You should try it sometimes hahah

With a carrot?  Nah.  Call me when eggplants are in season.   

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cucumber, carrot, parsnip FTW

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cucumber, carrot, parsnip FTW

I do hate repeating myself but "nah" call me eggplants are in season, at least then maybe they would be good for something because I am fairly certain they are not intended for eating. 

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Ok seriously, vegetables? I mean, it does sound a bit weird to me. I would much more prefer a dildo than vegetables.

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As a horny teen, I used really firm bananas a few times.  My parents didn't ever cook with cucumbers, so I made do.  I'd shave off the pointy ends with a knife, wrap it in a condom (which my school gave out), and go to town!

I think I actually prefer it to dildos!  Ha!  The dildos I've used all feel really rubbery and irritating against the skin.   

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i've used one of these

cheap, easy to buy, and you wouldn't get weird looks asking your parents to buy a travel toothbrush holder for you (say you lost yours)

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Strangely enough, vegetables can be quite popular. Once you get piggy enough, you'll learn to have a new appreciation for baseball bats.