Not sexually attracted to fat men..?
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« on: August 30, 2016, 05:58:54 pm »

Hey guys..
So, a little bit of a preface here: I just watched the "Dear Fat People" video (posted by Nicole Arbour) that got a lot of attention on YouTube last year (Ik I'm late). And it kinda got me thinking. Don't get me wrong, I completely am against her and the video and am all about body positivity. But the thing is, I am not sexually attracted to fat men.
I am skinny and I've been skinny my whole life. And I find myself attracted to guys like me; or rather guys that have the same/similar physical features as me (Example: I'm a brown boy and I'm especially attracted to other brown boys).
So, because I am not sexually attracted to fat guys, I can't help but feel really really guilty whenever a topic like this one comes up. I can't help but think, "Am I a bad person for not being sexually attracted to fat men?" and it kinda gets me down a lot.
I would really appreciate comments and opinions on this, especially if they are from big guys. Do you feel sexually un-attracted(?) to skinny people? 
And again, this is in no way meant to hurt or put down big guys, and if by chance I have offended you with this post, I sincerely apologize.
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« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2016, 10:46:07 pm »

If it was easy to choose what turns you on then a lot of gay guys would decide to get attracted to women.
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« Reply #2 on: August 30, 2016, 11:27:31 pm »

 Hug Oh, c'mon! I am fat/big/plump/huge/whatever guy myself, so let me tell u few things:

1. Don't appologize at all about the way you feel, just don't be an ass. It's not even funny this need to be constantly socially/politicaly correct.
2. I am the lucky bastard that is not really one way or the other in anything, so I really like a lot of things, guys, or even gals,tho I still identify myself as a gay. It's good in one way, but brings many complications in another way. Really tough to find someone who likes me and I like him/her/ it/ whatever Smiley
3. There is no real need for you to feel guilty about not liking any type of guy. It just is. Almost like with an icecream. I love classic tastes, like vanilla, or chocollate, but I am really crazy about cococnut icecream, and that's really now available much. Should I feel guilty? Why on Earth Smiley
4. I know few guys that are fat, and skinny are real trun off for them, as well as some skinny that are turned off by skinnies. No shame in that. Be yourself and be good to everybody you can be. You may never know, I am more attracted to the skinnies/well built guys/but from time to time it really doesn't matter and I like some fatty boy because his combo of how he is, carries himself, acts is just that right combination. Just keep in mind, that the body is something to be enjoyed, but it really doesn't last that much and changes a lot. The real thing is the persona. Try to like that and enjoy what life brings your way.

Cheers hugging
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« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2016, 01:42:30 am »

be open to the possibility but don't feel compelled to like fat men, you don't need to feel bad about what you don't like.
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« Reply #4 on: August 31, 2016, 02:00:24 am »

People that get offended over irrelevant shit like this are just projecting their own self-loathing, paranoia and hostility onto other people. Most of them either are fat, hate the fact that they are and refuse to just own it or make any effort to change it, or they are the types of people who selfishly and manipulatively use fat "issues" as a prop to push their own personal agendas. Take it from me, as a bigger guy myself, you not being physically attracted to big guys is completely acceptable. There's nothing to feel guilty about as long as you're not rude about it (don't flatten your nose and make pig noises like a five year old when saying you're not into fat guys, basically).

People who say otherwise are spoiled, self-indulgent brats who believe the world revolves around them (no fat joke intended there Grin). Me? I accept my faults and my obligations with regards to my weight, even if I don't always act on them. It's okay if people don't "want me" because I'm bigger. Hell, it's okay if they think I'm repulsive. As long as they're adult enough that they can express this respectfully/diplomatically, I don't expect the world to walk on eggshells around me just because of my "condition". I realize it's usually well-intentioned, but it's pretty insulting to me that people think my feelings are so damn fragile that I "just can't even!" handle the (very logical) stigma against obesity, or that I need everyone to lie and tell me that I am "healthy" and "beautiful" to feel good about myself as a person. I don't think I'm that amazing or interesting of a person, but I know I have enough good qualities that I don't need constant validation about my appearance to feel good about myself like so many of the dull-as-dishwater problem glasses-and-mermaid hair girls on tumblr who cook up this kind of guilt trip nonsense apparently do. Because I am an adult, and I have some semblance of a personality and a sense of self.

I can deal with the fact that not everyone is going to believe I'm attractive. I'm not so spoiled, immature or narcissistic that I think they should. The fact of the matter is, I do alright. Some guys really like bigger guys. A lot. I get enough action/attention without even looking for it, and that's even with my really crippling anxiety (which is something way more deserving of people's time, attention and understanding than my outward appearance. I'd probably be a good deal thinner if I could stand to go for a walk/jog in public).

I didn't mean to turn this into a rant, but I am just so tired of people manipulating my problems to score political points and treating me like a helpless child who can't handle reality. Anyone who tells you your preference is "wrong" is just an asshole and should be disregarded until they grow the fuck up and pull their head out of their ass.
« Last Edit: August 31, 2016, 02:04:50 am by (Hidden) » Logged
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« Reply #5 on: August 31, 2016, 02:50:39 am »

Most people consider the fat ones to be unhealthy, otherwise they would not be fat.
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« Reply #6 on: August 31, 2016, 06:12:47 am »

Oh... this post-modern world where everything has to generate a great deal of problem and guilt!... It's like the Middle Ages or the Inquisition all over again... Life should be simpler: one likes X, another one likes Y and neither of them are assholes about it nor feel guilty about it.
Of course, on the other hand, prejudices and racism have built biases in the way people find each other attractive and we should bare this in mind and always question ourselves if we are not letting ourselves go by these biases. But there's no need for this state of perpetual paranoia, this everlasting spiral of guilt and apologies. You know, 'offensive' is a really strong word, and I simply disagree that most things people point as 'offensive' nowadays really are so.
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« Reply #7 on: August 31, 2016, 02:05:44 pm »

Hmmm.......

I definitely get what you guys are saying.
Just a couple things:
1) So hypothetically, if a big guy says he likes me and wants to go out on a date or something, and I'm not really into him because he is a big guy, is it best to just tell him outright? Because I know guys of many body types (skinny, muscular, etc etc) who do get sort of upset if someone tells them that they are not really into them.

2) I think most of the issues, similar to mine, arise from the "norms" that the society has placed on us. And I completely agree with @SemenDemon on this. A fat person could quite easily reject a skinny person because they are not sexually into them and get away with it, but if the situation was vice-versa, the society brings down hell on the skinny person, you know? That's pretty fucked up.
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« Reply #8 on: August 31, 2016, 03:42:16 pm »

i don't get what all the fuss is about, u don't have to explain anything to the ground, just say ur not up for it, not in the mood etc and if the person is not intelligent enough and needs a powerpoint presentation of your rejection concept, that's not ur problem also.

people discriminate sexually among so many criteria, that's just how we're wired.

second, i've been discriminated so much for being skinny, since in gay world for many guys it means ur not man enough or all that patriarchal bs gays internalize and bring down others who don't conform to that macho fairytale. and i don't see many guys, especially younger and less cultivated trying to be civilised, grindr anyone?

well just look at the mainstream porn standards - roid queens everywhere u look, if a guy is slender, not even skinny, you get - naaaaaaaaaaah not man enough.

really, i've had not so gentle comments thrown to my face all my life, so i don't see why should others be spared lol

kidding, if u see a discriminating jerk, don't sleep with him.
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« Reply #9 on: September 07, 2016, 01:22:42 pm »

Sexual preference exist. That is one. And it's okay. It's ironic that I'm fat myself and fat guys....mostly just didn't do with me.

but:

1) There's a line when expressing your preference becomes discrimination.
2) There's also a line when you consider personal preference as an universal preference and/or law.

Try to avoid these, both mentally....and in your actions and words and thoughts.

Without knowing anything about your life and your actions (thus, mostly working from a blank slate)

Remember that your sexual preference is not extended to your platonic reference. Try to make friends with ANYBODY regardless of their physical appearances.
Remember that we are all people-- no one wants to be hurt. Regardless of how attractive / unattractive they are.
Remember that people have different circumstances. Someone might be fat due to poverty; others their biological makeup.

Of course it's not going to be POSSIBLE all the time-- some people will get hurt no matter how gentle / diplomatic / polite our rejection is. That's the nature of life, that's the nature of human relationships.

But do try.

And then what I personally found out is that, attraction changes as we grow up and met someone new.

So at least do keep your heart open, and your penis aware. Who knows-- your attraction might have some outliers here and there Tongue
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« Reply #10 on: September 07, 2016, 05:02:58 pm »

Different people like different things, and I don't get why it's such a big deal.

There were people who turned me down because I'm bald, or hairy, some guys find that extremely hot.
Big deal, I also turned down guys who didn't attract me.

I don't get guys who are offended when you turn them down; what's up with that attitude "everybody is supposed to find me attractive"? Sorry, but there is no person on this planet who EVERYONE will find attractive, so get off your high horse and keep it real. There are situations when you are really attracted to somebody and he's not into you at all - but that's how it works so just deal with it.

And I actually find big guys really hot, even though I'm not a big guy myself, neither skinny or too muscular. Just an average well built guy who is not a gym rat but loves to exercise and keep relatively fit. And guess what, there were still big guys who turned me down!
It's almost like we should feel guilty if we turn down somebody who is fat, effeminate, etc, that is considered discrimination, but at the same time nobody cares when those "minorities" turn down us "average" guys.

Conclusion is - there is no person who hasn't been turned down or who didn't turn down somebody, because we all look/act different and have different preferences, so let's not make fuss about it.
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« Reply #11 on: September 08, 2016, 06:53:03 pm »

i prefere muscled
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« Reply #12 on: September 09, 2016, 12:12:37 am »

Are we talking of obese people or just a small belly? I don't like obesse but I can't stand smokers, I'd not know. Haven't date anyone so far, my boyfriend keeps complaining he is fat when he is not.  Undecided
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« Reply #13 on: September 09, 2016, 02:19:14 am »

All I can say it, Up until I turned 40 I was very thin myself. I wasnt attracted to heavy guys either. Its just prefference - you cannot force yourself to be attracted to someone - and that doesnt make you racist, or agist or sizeist either.
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« Reply #14 on: September 13, 2016, 01:01:27 am »

mmmmmi dont like fat ppl
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« Reply #15 on: September 13, 2016, 01:20:57 am »

mmmmmi dont like fat ppl

We were just making a point here that it is natural for people to have their preferences but that they should express these preferences in a positive way for you to say something like that.......  Undecided
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« Reply #16 on: September 13, 2016, 01:39:08 am »

mmmmmi dont like fat ppl
We were just making a point here that it is natural for people to have their preferences but that they should express these preferences in a positive way for you to say something like that.......  Undecided
well, not quite. the others were also saying that people should not tie themselves into knots because of the fucking pc bullshit. that was a perfectly valid stating of a fact. at least in a normal world it would be.
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« Reply #17 on: September 13, 2016, 05:14:10 am »

No one is "better" than anyone but that doesn't mean you should feel guilty for recognizing what you prefer. Fat people = people. Skinny people = people. Assholes = assholes.

Also the "don't be rude" bit is basic. Just try to be a compassionate human. Think about straight people saying something like "it's okay to think gays are revolting but don't be rude about it." I hope you can understand why that's absolutely not acceptable regardless of what one believes.

Would you be friends with a fat guy? No? You should feel guilty. Depends on the human? That's nice.
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« Reply #18 on: September 13, 2016, 06:55:38 am »

you like what you like. i'm not fat but i've personally never been attracted to twinks by any means, at all, ever. i'd much prefer a chubby guy over a twink (any day). it's all preference. it becomes a problem when your preferences lead to you putting people down for who they are instead of simple "no thankyous".
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« Reply #19 on: September 13, 2016, 10:39:42 am »

I think that being aware enough and questioning your preferences is a good thing. Knowing why you like what you like is a part of self-awareness and makes you a better person.
I struggled with some guilt over my own preferences and I appreciate this discussion. I agree that in the end, we all have our specific quirks- the things that turn us on and we should not feel guilty or ashamed by that. What matters is that we treat other people with respect- and if we aren't interested then we let them know with the same amount of sensitivity and consideration we would want when we are the ones who are on the receiving end of rejection.
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