Never had to come out?
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Author Topic: Never had to come out?  (Read 2935 times)
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« on: September 16, 2016, 08:43:48 am »

I dont wanna offend anyone, just sharing my thoughts.
I always read about these dramatic coming out moments that a lot of people experience all over the world. But it's hard to relate if you've never had to come out. I have always been able to be myself, ever since i was a kid. I never had any pressure from society or from my parents regarding my sexual orientation. My parents raised me to accept others for who they are, and not really care about those who judge others. So i've always been "openly" gay/pan (still not sure which label is the closest to me lol). I guess "openly" is a bit incorrect in my case because i have never thought much of it. It's just something that i am amongst other things, it has never been a defining or a huge factor in my life. I know this is a very lucky position to be in, given how certain parts of society still treat those who differ from the norm. 
I just feel a bit of an outsider when it comes to the lgbt community because i have never felt the "need" to have this lgbt community around me, mainly because the environment that i grew up in was always so okay with all of it. Being gay/bi/etc. has always been normal to me and people around me, so it has never even been a huge topic of discussion.
Anyway, i was wondering if there are others who've had a similar experience to mine? I feel like the world, well the western world at least, has become a very open and accepting place in the past decade or so.
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« Reply #1 on: September 16, 2016, 09:50:08 am »

Wow- let me just say I envy the position you are in. It's good you recognize how fortunate you are to be in a country/environment that is so accepting. So you never had to speak to anyone about who you are attracted to? In my country, there is still quite a stigma and there is a lot of ridicule/judgement that can come from certain people specially the very religious. Coming out is something that was a sort of rite of passage- where you stood up for who you are and faced down the people who insisted you are going straight to hell.
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Tell someone you love them today, because life is short.
But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.
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« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2016, 05:18:07 am »

Yea i know i'm lucky in that sense.
As far as talking about it goes, it's been like "sometimes boys like girls and sometimes boys like boys". It was never stigmatized or made into something "unnatural". I live in Scandinavia (Northern Europe), so religious people are very few in numbers here anyway. And even those who are religious (i don't personally know anyone who is religious), are usually quite accepting. If some old person makes an anti-gay comment in the news or something, which rarely happens, they get laughed at. So homophobia is not really a thing over here anymore.
Which part of the world do you live in? Are there a lot of religious people around you?
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« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2016, 06:20:02 am »

I come from Asia- specifically the Philippines- where almost 90% of the population is Catholic. I was raised Catholic, grew up with all my relatives being Catholic (some more serious about it than others), and here there is no chance for gay marriages or even civil unions.
Things are shifting, though much more slowly than in the West- my friends and I don't really go to church at all. I know some wonderful, accepting people who have become my good friends. But it is hard for my own family to accept my being gay.
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Tell someone you love them today, because life is short.
But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.
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« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2016, 12:06:25 pm »


Oh, lol, I'm catholic too but from Europe.

"my friends and I don't really go to church at all."

Oh yes, that is the max in "resistence" possible in a full catholic environment. To those who are not catholic: you're supposed to got the church every Sunday and - if possible - more often!

I only go to church once a year - at christmas - when my father sings in the choir.

Give your family some time, they'll come around if they are good people but give them as much time as you needed yourself.
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« Reply #5 on: September 17, 2016, 01:48:13 pm »

Haha! Yes, it's pretty much Christmas for me too. That's the one time you really can't get out of it, and it can be nice and pleasant.

You're right about giving them time. Mostly they adopted a sort of don't ask don't tell hands off approach- I don't talk about guys at family gatherings, and they don't push me to find a girl and get married.
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Tell someone you love them today, because life is short.
But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.
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« Reply #6 on: January 06, 2017, 04:14:23 pm »

Haha! Yes, it's pretty much Christmas for me too. That's the one time you really can't get out of it, and it can be nice and pleasant.

You're right about giving them time. Mostly they adopted a sort of don't ask don't tell hands off approach- I don't talk about guys at family gatherings, and they don't push me to find a girl and get married.

Did things change in some way?

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« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2017, 08:36:11 pm »

You are lucky in that you were always able to be yourself.

But I can relate to not having a "dramatic" coming out myself. I didn't make an huge emotional announcement at a family gathering.

What I did was change the status on my myspace page (remember myspace?) to : Gay.

that's how I came out. My reasoning was, it's on the internet for the whole world to see. I wasn't hiding it from anyone.

Now, some of my gay friends think I "cheated" in coming out that way. I don't know. I do understand not being able to relate to folks who had to do it another way.

Now, things were a little awkward for a while after that as I wasn't quite sure who knew or noticed or what. My family never really talked about it after. Maybe they were picking up on my sense of uncomfortability, not so much with my gayness, but in maybe not knowing how to talk about it with them.

I do know my sister saw it and told my mom and that's how my mom found out (but I think she already had suspicions from the time she caught me watching gay porn on the family computer).

I was living with my dad at the time, and I think he kinda had a clue at that point.

Was it a cop out? Maybe. But i'm not one for big dramatic moments and I hate it when things are all about me. I just want to live my life as quietly and drama free as possible.
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