Is it worth it?
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« on: September 17, 2016, 05:08:37 am »

Ugh. Dating.

For the longest, I've considered myself to be a pretty romantically minded individual. But let's face it. Relationships just don't last anymore. Especially when it comes to gay men. Of course, that's a wide generalization because there are plenty of gay couples who have been together for eons. But most of the ones I see come to a screeching halt. I know my relationships all have. Is it even worth it to try? Why put all your effort into something that's doomed to fail?
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« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2016, 06:02:06 am »

I get where you're coming from. Sometimes it can all seem so futile and pointless. In the end, it's really up to you what you think is worth pursuing in life. We all have our limits, and if you've reached yours maybe stop for a while and recover.

For me, I have always been a hopeless romantic. I will keep trying to find someone who I can spend the rest of my life with. If and when I succeed, I know the result is worth all the heartache, the effort and failures along the way.  hugging

On another note- reading some of the great m/m romances from the Books and Magazines section might help keep you going.  Grin
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Tell someone you love them today, because life is short.
But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.
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« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2016, 02:11:35 pm »

That's a question I have had with many people and not just gay guys feel this way! My first real relationship has been solid and I'm incredibly thankful. This person has truly shown in his actions he wants to be with me and from the start has said how much he needs a relationship and NOT a hook up. We have been together because we share the same morals and want the same things and basically need one another. From our careers to our friendships, every area is surrounded by love. When I say first real relationship, I did date before, briefly. The other people I went on dates with were not at all like this and it did end abruptly. Not that they were bad people but it simply wasn't meant to be. I am new at this haha but my boyfriend says the same thing; how gay men especially don't have real relationships anymore. It's probably because of the internet and the society we are turning into. It's really up to us to change the current path we are on no matter what you identify as. I try not to make stereotypes or generalizations, but it's happening in gay culture. Yes you should always call out a fuckboy and stay away from anyone out there trying to hurt you. Be careful and there's always hope. You can always find someone out there who feels the same way as you. I'm a bit tired of this internet trend where people say "Am I the only one who feels" nope you're not, you're just not. Lol seriously: am I the only one who is tired of that? (see?) But seriously I hope this helps and to answer the original question: YES!! Smiley
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« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2016, 02:55:41 pm »

gay couples i've seen who lasted were the ones that seemed to have it all. guys with above average looks, confidence, ambitions, careers etc.
it seems that you can't get anyone to stick to you if ur an average human being. and even the other average ones don't want you D:
i guess the criteria among gays are somewhat higher than in the str8 world.
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« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2016, 03:11:10 pm »

Interesting enough after 15 years of gay mariage the Dutch statistics office did some research. Actually male-male marriages were the most stable.

In Dutch: https://www.cbs.nl/nl-nl/nieuws/2016/13/vrouwenparen-vaker-uit-elkaar-dan-mannenparen
Google translate (has trouble with some text and text in pictures), but it is decent
https://translate.google.nl/translate?sl=nl&tl=en&js=y&prev=_t&hl=nl&ie=UTF-8&u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cbs.nl%2Fnl-nl%2Fnieuws%2F2016%2F13%2Fvrouwenparen-vaker-uit-elkaar-dan-mannenparen&edit-text=
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« Reply #5 on: September 17, 2016, 03:25:40 pm »

I was in a longtime-relationship for 32 years and 10 month until cancer took him away from me.
Never ask if it may be worth and durable. If you do so it is on the way to fail.
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« Reply #6 on: September 18, 2016, 02:46:26 am »

Ugh. Dating.

For the longest, I've considered myself to be a pretty romantically minded individual. But let's face it. Relationships just don't last anymore. Especially when it comes to gay men. Of course, that's a wide generalization because there are plenty of gay couples who have been together for eons. But most of the ones I see come to a screeching halt. I know my relationships all have. Is it even worth it to try? Why put all your effort into something that's doomed to fail?

Well with that outlook no wonder they fail. You go into them expecting them just because your past ones have.  YOu don't think that make a diff and the other person will eventually feel that negative energy?
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« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2016, 02:51:06 am »

Ugh. Dating.

For the longest, I've considered myself to be a pretty romantically minded individual. But let's face it. Relationships just don't last anymore. Especially when it comes to gay men. Of course, that's a wide generalization because there are plenty of gay couples who have been together for eons. But most of the ones I see come to a screeching halt. I know my relationships all have. Is it even worth it to try? Why put all your effort into something that's doomed to fail?

Well, you probably should be a little more positive when entering a relationship. Just because some of your past relationships didn't work out, doesn't mean they are all doomed to fail. One thing I noticed that a lot of gay men do is take things too quickly. Many of them get excited just to find another good looking guy mostly because there might not be many gay men where they live. So after less than a month of dating they are convinced they are with their soul mate. You need to take things slowly and make sure you put in 100% if the person you are with is giving their all and you are entering the relationship expecting it to end... you're the one dooming it to fail.
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« Reply #8 on: September 18, 2016, 10:54:11 pm »

Having a relationship and having sex both nourish you, albeit in different spheres.

I think the problem with dating is that it is an activity we do expecting a result: a full-fledged relationship.

Whereas if we go only for sex, our expectations aren't that deep.  We expect at least a decent fuck.

Maybe you give much weight to dating and getting into a relationship? Enjoy your single life, learn to value yourself as a lone individual and treat any possible relationship (and the dating needed to get there) as just some a nice extra that can come or won't into your life.

(Seriously, is this shit because of the recent legalization of gay marriages/civil unions? I swear that the moment we start deeming single gay people the way heteronormative people deem single persons -as spinsters and losers- I'm gonna go out and kick some asses)
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« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2016, 08:08:22 am »

I have also resigned to the fact that relationships don't last. Three out of 4 guys cheated. I'm readily available for sex as well so I'm not sure what it is. Our society has evolved so fast that sex is available through a little device. We are not mentally developed for that sort of thing.

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