My boyfriend cheated on me. What should I do?
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« on: October 24, 2016, 07:38:07 pm »

I have read some text messages on my boyfriends phone. We are together for about 5 years. What shoud I tell to him? Should I break up just because of the texts or ...Help
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« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2016, 09:42:02 am »

Without hesitation, the very first thing I would do is to go get “checked.”ASAP!

 A broken heart is bad enough, but you definitely want to make sure he hasn’t given you something else, which could be far worse.

As for your partner’s infidelity and deciding what to do in terms of the relationship--regardless of what he says, I personally would presume this wasn’t his first time cheating, and sadly there’s no guarantee that it’ll be his last.

Good luck. Huh?
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« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2016, 11:13:20 am »

I have read some text messages on my boyfriends phone. We are together for about 5 years. What shoud I tell to him? Should I break up just because of the texts or ...Help

Definitely have tests done to check for STIs.  Aside from that, what do you want to do?  We can all give you advice based on what we would do or have done, but we're not in the relationship.  Do you want to work things out?  Would you rather just leave?  It may or may not be the first time he's cheated but it almost dfinitely will not be the last. 

Either way, be prepared for him to be angry at you for reading the messages.  I am not saying you were wrong (nor right) to read them, but he will likely be angry.

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« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2016, 03:13:45 pm »

Aside from the good advice to get checked, the decision to stay together really depends on how badly he has been cheating on you and whether the 5 years you've spent together is worth giving him a second chance.
Only you can really say if he's worth forgiving- but in case you do, there are absolutely no 3rd or 4th chances. This is it.
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Tell someone you love them today, because life is short.
But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.
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« Reply #4 on: October 25, 2016, 04:13:54 pm »

Quote
Either way, be prepared for him to be angry at you for reading the messages.  I am not saying you were wrong (nor right) to read them, but he will likely be angry.

I guess if the dude decides to break up, that will be the least of his worries (his bf getting angry). As for the cheating, I would not get into a relationship if I wasn't completely sure that the guy is the only one I wanna be with. I don't usually give in to temptation and I expect the other person to be the same. If the person cheats on me, I wouldn't be able to live with the thought of him being with someone else and it would always come back to my mind, it would be unbearable. And as everyone said, if the guy didn't have the respect and consideration for you once before, he will never do and will keep cheating.

Now, on the other hand, let's be fair with the other guy as well. Maybe the guy hasn't cheated, just exchanged some texts. I wouldn't say anything to my boyfriend unless I was 100% sure he cheated. I would not tell him I read the texts but I would be totally onto him and most likely try to cacth him red handed.

Maybe the guy likes the feeling of being desired, which doesn't mean he will cheat.
« Last Edit: October 25, 2016, 04:16:21 pm by (Hidden) » Logged


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« Reply #5 on: October 25, 2016, 07:58:46 pm »

First thing I'd do is talk to him, find out if he has cheated and if he has why. Reading messages can be misinterpreted. I write all sorts of things to friends, but doesn't mean we are doing anything.

From personal experience if they've cheated once they tend to do it again, especially if they know you forgive them.

Not much help but ,my 5cent worth
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« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2016, 08:18:23 pm »

Get tested, talk to him, and see what happened.  If he really did cheat then break up with him.
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« Reply #7 on: October 26, 2016, 12:23:10 am »

take his tooth brush and wipe your butthole with it.
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« Reply #8 on: October 26, 2016, 05:11:54 am »

Yeah mine cheated and once a cheater always a cheater. Period. Maybe there is a 1% that learn but I went back to my boyfriend and he promised not to do it, only to cheat 2 weeks later.

I ended up being in an open relationship and it was probably one of the hardest things to accept in my life.

It's not worth it. If you want monogamy then go look for it.

Cheating is not just cheating, it's lying and it's disrespectful. It's like spitting on your relationship. Not worth it. Leave him no matter how hard it is.
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« Reply #9 on: October 26, 2016, 10:43:06 am »

I am 40. It may be a difference. I discover my sexuality in 80s, in the deep countryside of France. It may be a difference.
I live with my husband since 14 years.

For my generation, there is no cheating in relationship between 2 men. It's our history, all these years passed in the shadow : we have a different vision of sex. Sex and love are 2 things totally differents. You can have sex with a man you can't love, and you can love a man you don't have sex with him !

If my husband have sex with an other man and take pleasure, I am happy for him ! The Jealousy is SOOO heterosexual !!!

But, maybe you are young. Maybe you never know the time when just being gay is a fellony. Maybe for your generation, cheating is a fellony.

All I can say is that your answer is in your heart and your mind. My answer is : "there is no cheating" !
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« Reply #10 on: October 26, 2016, 02:23:46 pm »

^ love this post.

but still, it's all about the agreement. polygamy is ok, if it's agreed by both (or more Tongue) parties.

if they both agreed to be in a committed relationship, than there is a matter of betrayed trust.

for the people seeking exclusive relationships, that can be harsh.





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« Reply #11 on: October 26, 2016, 10:18:06 pm »

^ love this post.

but still, it's all about the agreement. polygamy is ok, if it's agreed by both (or more Tongue) parties.

if they both agreed to be in a committed relationship, than there is a matter of betrayed trust.

for the people seeking exclusive relationships, that can be harsh.


Such things.. should always be clarified from the beginning..

😕


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« Reply #12 on: October 27, 2016, 01:36:39 am »

Same happened to me...

It's a long story but, to summarize it: I catched him talking to his ex-fuck buddy saying stuff like let's meet, I was thinking about you kind of things then I talked to him about it. He denied, he sugar-coated it somehow but I was stuck in the idea and couldn't let go.So I dug deeper and realized there were lots of lies he told me before, he was just not a trustworthy person. But I was still loving him so I just didn't break up and I tried to forgive, really, but once you are betrayed it never just goes away. At least for me, it didn't.

I have been in your shoes and all I can say is,

Continue if you can forgive what he did and only if you are sure it won't happen again.

My advice is, people just dont change.This is what you have, someone who will go behind you and sleep with other men, if this is what you want yeah go with it.

But first, be sure about what happened. Dont give your relationship a death sentence without knowing everything, so basically just talk it out and be totally honest and upfront.
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« Reply #13 on: October 27, 2016, 02:08:06 am »

Kill him girl( not really)  Cool
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« Reply #14 on: October 27, 2016, 03:57:38 am »

There are all kinds of relationships.
They are all voluntary.

If you don't want to be involved with someone that is not monogamous, then it looks like you found the wrong guy.

If you can live with him being polyamorous, then keep going.

Don't let others tell you what to do. It's your relationship, and your choice.
Only you can make it, and only you have to live with that decision.

Oh and yeah, get tested.
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« Reply #15 on: October 30, 2016, 08:38:01 pm »

leave him.
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« Reply #16 on: October 30, 2016, 10:17:02 pm »

Well, I dunno..but you can do these:
If you really love him, don't bring out that you went through his phone, but rather say that he seems kinda distant to you and you are not sure what is going on. Maybe he just wants to fire something up by just messaging someone, so at the end of the day he needs something else. So you can talk to him and maybe suggest doing something and take the relationship to another level. And from his answers you may even find out what he wants.
You could closely watch him and if you wanna "catch him" in the act (if he is really cheating on you).
Or, you can distance yourself and make him question your relationship, which may not be such a bad idea, coz either he will run after you to keep you or he'll just continue what he does, but then again you'll have your answers and whether or not was worth it.
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« Reply #17 on: October 31, 2016, 05:14:10 am »


Don't let others tell you what to do. It's your relationship, and your choice.
Only you can make it, and only you have to live with that decision.


Great point!
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« Reply #18 on: October 31, 2016, 05:47:59 am »

dump him
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« Reply #19 on: October 31, 2016, 08:10:43 am »

Install a keylogger on the pc without him knowing and see what comes up.
If you don't share anything like that,try to follow him and check on what he says.
If he says he's gonna be working until late,go check on him and bring him something like a soda or a sandwich,you need a valid excuse or he'll instantly realize you know.
Before confronting him,be very sure that he's cheating,otherwise he'll either start being  very careful and you'll never know,or he'll be offended by baseless accusations.
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