Relationship Issue Help Needed: My partner and his so-called friend
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Author Topic: Relationship Issue Help Needed: My partner and his so-called friend  (Read 15483 times)
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« on: October 24, 2016, 11:45:11 pm »

Okay so here is the deal....I met a guy online about 9 months ago, he is totally blind. We really hit it off and it was going really well. He was in the process of moving to my town so I helped him get moved in and settled. He told me he had a good friend that was going to live with him and that they had been friends for over 8 years which I thought was cool. I finally met the friend 2 weeks later. What a freak. I know this is a long post (sorry). So the blind guy I was seeing (let me call him Lee) asked me to start staying at his home. I did and finally was convinced to move in with him (we really were compatible, I thought). Well the guy that is his friend (let's call him William) is a really stupid idiot. He could not keep a job, has no street smarts, can't use a computer, and was a bus driver (nothing against bus drivers). He lost a really good job driving because he kept running into cars and damaging the bus got fired. So when I moved in Lee wanted me to take the second bedroom and I did. Come to find out William would be sleeping on the floor in Lees room. I did not appreciate this at all, but let it go.  I also was the only one with a car, transporting everyone everywhere. Finally,William moved to another state to get another job because he could not find one here. Now, Lee tells William that if it doesn't work out that he can move back here with us. I have decided that if he moves back in here that I will most likely leave and end the relationship. William calls Lee about 7 or 8 times a day and I have become very tired and jealous of this Whats your thoughts or take on the situation. BTW...when William lived here he would stare at Lee and his dick would get hard in his pants...and that used to drive me insane. Since Lee is blind he had no clue until I told him. What should I do? What is your take on the friendship? This situation have caused several arguments between Lee and I and I am seeking your advice on the situation. Am I wrong?
« Last Edit: October 25, 2016, 12:05:26 am by (Hidden) » Logged


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« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2016, 12:26:19 am »

Why are you and your boyfriend not sharing a room? Then his "friend" could have the second bedroom.  This doesn't make sense at all to me.  It sounds as if they are the couple and playing you for a fool to get free stuff off you.
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« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2016, 12:47:05 am »

I dated a blind girl once. It was awful.
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« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2016, 02:04:55 am »

I agree- if William comes back, then the solution is for you and Lee to share a room since you're in a relationship and he can take the second room.
From what you shared, it sounds like Lee is being a good friend and may be unaware of William's possible attraction and your own discomfort. You should definitely have a long talk to see how or if you can work things out with Lee. Can you still find a way to let them remain friends and not let it ruin what you have?
It's tough to ask your significant other to give up his friends, it's something you should only really do in extreme circumstances if there's no way to work around it and the friend is going to break your relationship.
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Tell someone you love them today, because life is short.
But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.
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« Reply #4 on: October 25, 2016, 02:13:13 am »

Thanks to everyone so far for your advice. I agree as well that we should share a room if he comes back...I don't want him to come back period. This may seem unfair to most, but he caused havoc here, started a fire in the kitchen, talks to his other friends on the phone about what Lee and I are doing..in front of us. I plan special evenings for Lee and I and he always has a way of coming to come inbetween the plans and I just cancel the plans because no matter what it is planned..he makes sure it doesn't happen. I am forever ask to take him somewhere and I feel he is just a third at times. I want a relationship with Lee only and not a threesome. Like I said he forever calls 7 or 8 times and sometimes while we are out to eat, making love (my dick goes limp), in a discussion or you name it, we are interrupted to no end. I have asked Lee to please ask him to limit his calls and Lee refuses and said William is just lonely.....whatever!
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« Reply #5 on: October 25, 2016, 02:17:04 am »

 poor thing

Change the phone number or if you got an old style phone leave it off the hook
« Last Edit: October 25, 2016, 02:21:46 am by (Hidden) » Logged


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« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2016, 02:44:41 am »

William is calling my partner on his cell phone....I can not change the number or have no means to block the number which would just make matters worse here.
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« Reply #7 on: October 25, 2016, 02:49:13 am »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xT58eHf4AfU

Think that sums it up.

In all seriousness you shouldn't be feeling like a third wheel in your own relationship.
« Last Edit: October 25, 2016, 02:57:49 am by (Hidden) » Logged


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« Reply #8 on: October 25, 2016, 03:14:41 am »

Sounds like you were the 3rd wheel in an already established relationship (...doesn't matter what kind of relationship).  You should have made sure you had a clearer understanding of what was going on before moving in.  If your "partner" didn't invite you to sleep in his bed when you moved in, that should have been the first red flag.  While I wouldn't try to advise you, because I know I don't have all the specifics, but from the parts you are sharing, I'd already be looking for somewhere else to live, someone else to love.  That whole situation will probably only get messier as time goes on, and I can't see where you'll benefit.

And don't let the fact that your "partner" is blind cloud your judgment.  He's probably well-experienced with how to use that to his advantage.  People with disabilities can be as shady as anyone else.  Nevertheless, seems clear that he does not consider you #1 in that threesome, no matter how "stupid" you consider that other guy to be.
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« Reply #9 on: October 25, 2016, 03:52:11 am »

I just re-read and you said about you and your partner sharing a room if he comes back? Are you not sharing a room at the moment?

Sounds as if you are being used by the pair of them.
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« Reply #10 on: October 25, 2016, 04:27:52 am »

Sounds as if you are being used by the pair of them.

...and for as long as "William & Lee" have known each other (8 years), and the OP has known his "partner" for less than a full year... "William & Lee" are probably the one's having the conversation about how the OP (jazzmale29) is the problem.
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« Reply #11 on: October 25, 2016, 04:30:48 am »

Sounds as if you are being used by the pair of them.

...and for as long as "William & Lee" have known each other (8 years), and the OP has known his "partner" for less than a full year... "William & Lee" are probably the one's having the conversation about how the OP (jazzmale29) is the problem.

He's not a problem because they were getting a free taxi service and probably other things. The other guy struggled to find a job so was living off of the two of you. Were you paying the bills, groceries etc...? Sounds as if they are just scamming you for free shit.


http://www.wikihow.com/Know-You-Are-Being-Scammed-in-a-Relationship


notice how it says about constant phone calls being their associate telling them how to keep stringing you along.
« Last Edit: October 25, 2016, 04:39:30 am by (Hidden) » Logged


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« Reply #12 on: October 25, 2016, 04:40:55 am »

Sounds as if you are being used by the pair of them.

...and for as long as "William & Lee" have known each other (8 years), and the OP has known his "partner" for less than a full year... "William & Lee" are probably the one's having the conversation about how the OP (jazzmale29) is the problem.

He's not a problem because they were getting a free taxi service and probably other things. The other guy struggled to find a job so was living off of the two of you. Were you paying the bills, groceries etc...? Sounds as if they are just scamming you for free shit.

True
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« Reply #13 on: October 25, 2016, 04:44:09 am »

http://www.wikihow.com/Know-You-Are-Being-Scammed-in-a-Relationship


notice how it says about constant phone calls being their associate telling them how to keep stringing you along.
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« Reply #14 on: October 25, 2016, 04:47:26 am »

Funny they are on the phone talking now...I guess William is telling Lee goodnight (there is a 2 hour time difference). He calls when he wakes up, on his way to work, on his break, on his lunch, on his afternoon break, when he is on his way home and sometimes after dinner, then before he goes to bed....I am so sick of this I could puke. I guess I am the idiot and the stupid one for being so naive. Yes, he paid for gas when he could but he ate off of me as well. I bought $500 worth of groceries one month and William ate over 1/2 of it......I am considering looking for another place to live and not sure if I even want another lover. Loving someone has brought me grief too many times. Now they are off the phone and I get to hear it once again that if things don't go well for William and his 2nd new job in less than one month that Lee told William that he could come back here....I am closer and closer to being out of here! Lee who is totally blind will be lost without me...I bet if I left tonight William would be back in a week.....getting so over this and fast.
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« Reply #15 on: October 25, 2016, 04:55:44 am »

I'm not sure if that is what is happening but the whole thing just sounds bizarre. Almost as if they are the couple, William was completely useless in being able to provide so they got someone else in to live off of.  Or maybe he just pretended to be useless so that they could both live off of you?

http://www.livingthai.org/thai-girlfriend-scam.html

Notice on this url that it says that they get money out of people so that they don't have to go to work themselves.

It has a lot of elements of this online dating romance scams, only its not online its in person.


How did Lee cope before you came along? Probably stringing along some other poor sap. The USA pays social security benefit money to people registered blind so he won't be struggling financially.
« Last Edit: October 25, 2016, 05:08:41 am by (Hidden) » Logged


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« Reply #16 on: October 25, 2016, 05:02:17 am »

I am considering looking for another place to live and not sure if I even want another lover. Loving someone has brought me grief too many times.

We've all had THAT feeling before.  You just have to be more careful, that's all.  You're learning a valuable lesson right now.


Lee who is totally blind will be lost without me...

Yeah, don't kid yourself.  I get the feeling that Lee probably knows what he's doing.  In any event, keep your head up man.  You'll get through this.  Good luck, and don't be so hard on yourself.  Like The Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz...  Now you know you've got a heart, 'cause it's breaking.
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« Reply #17 on: October 25, 2016, 05:10:47 am »

I hope that its just me being cynical but it all just sounds too suspicious. It could be completely innocent and Lee is oblivious to how much of a leech his "friend" is but the fact that they were sharing the bedroom whilst you were in the spare doesn't make any sense.

If they had a platonic relationship he would have had his own room and I doubt he would have given up his room for the boyfriend, who normally share a bedroom with their partner. I would wager a bet that he never slept on the floor in that room and been in your "boyfriends" bed the whole time. 
« Last Edit: October 25, 2016, 05:21:38 am by (Hidden) » Logged


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« Reply #18 on: October 25, 2016, 05:21:35 am »

Funny they are on the phone talking now...I guess William is telling Lee goodnight (there is a 2 hour time difference). He calls when he wakes up, on his way to work, on his break, on his lunch, on his afternoon break, when he is on his way home and sometimes after dinner, then before he goes to bed....I am so sick of this I could puke. I guess I am the idiot and the stupid one for being so naive. Yes, he paid for gas when he could but he ate off of me as well. I bought $500 worth of groceries one month and William ate over 1/2 of it......I am considering looking for another place to live and not sure if I even want another lover. Loving someone has brought me grief too many times. Now they are off the phone and I get to hear it once again that if things don't go well for William and his 2nd new job in less than one month that Lee told William that he could come back here....I am closer and closer to being out of here! Lee who is totally blind will be lost without me...I bet if I left tonight William would be back in a week.....getting so over this and fast.

I'm sorry, but I have to ask this.  Are you the only one in the household providing income?

If Lee is completely blind, he should be getting disability for total blindness as one of the above posters said.  Where's that money going to?  If he's not getting it, are you sure the guy is even blind?  Stranger things have happened!

You need to run, and you need to run fast!  The fact that you know that William would be right back to fill your spot tells you all that you need to know. 

I think in this situation, if you truly do care about Lee, it's time to issue an ultimatum.  It's really a "you have nothing to lose" situation here.

It's either you or William.  And if it's you...then it's time you step up and be the other half in this relationship and start setting your own rules.

1)  William is allowed only a certain number of calls per week, none of this 8 times a day crap.
2)  He will not set foot back in YOUR apartment (since from what info posted, you're paying all the bills).
3)  Lee being blind has clouded your judgement.  He might be blind, but I bet he can do anything you can plus some if need be. 

Best of luck to you.  But it sounds like you need to step up to the plate and demand some changes.

And you sleeping in the guest room while the friend sleeps in the room with your boyfriend?Huh??  What the literal fuck?Huh?Huh?
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« Reply #19 on: October 25, 2016, 05:32:42 am »

You could set up cameras to try and spy on his phone calls? Find out what they are actually saying in these 8 phone calls a day.
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