This guy goes to the doctor due to a wicked headache thatâ€™s been hanging around for over a week. He asks the doc if he could provide something to make it go away. The doc has just purchased a new diagnostic machine (similar to those used to diagnose car problems, except this one diagnoses humans), and heâ€™s been dying to try it out on his first patient.
He says to the guy â€śnot only will this thing tell you whatâ€™s wrong with you, but it will even prescribe a remedy. All you need to do is provide a urine sample, which I will then pour into this funnel at the top." The guy does as instructed, the doc pours the sample into the analyzer, then after about 20 seconds of beeping noises, buzzing, and flashing lights the machine spits out a piece of paper into the bottom tray. The doc picks up the paper, reads it, and then says, â€śyou have tennis elbowâ€ť.
The guy says, â€śthat doesnâ€™t make sense. I donâ€™t even play tennis, and my elbow feels fine. My head on the other hand is fucking killing meâ€¦â€ť At this point the doc interrupts and says, â€śnonsense, this device doesnâ€™t lie. I want you to go home and soak that elbow overnight and then come back and see me tomorrow morning, and donâ€™t forget to bring another urine sample with you.â€ť
The guy leaves, but on the way home decides that this doctor is full of shit. He then has an idea. Once home, he finds a mason jar and deposits a small urine sample into it. He then gets his wife, daughter, and dog to also make a contribution. Not satisfied with this he scrapes some oil off the garage floor under where his car is parked and drops that into the mix, and for the icing on the cake he chokes his chicken long enough to get the desired results, drops that into the jar, seals the lid, and then gives the concoction a good shake. â€śThere ya go, doc. Stick that up your computer!â€ť
Next morning he hands the doc the jar. Doc pours the contents into the machine. This time it takes a full 10 minutes for the paper to drop. Doc picks it up and begins reading: â€śYour wifeâ€™s pregnant, your daughterâ€™s fucking the entire football team at Richmond High, your Doberman has rabies, your Volvo needs an oil change, and if you donâ€™t quit spanking your monkey youâ€™ll never get rid of this tennis elbow!â€ť