Loving someone that do not satisfies you sexually
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« on: December 30, 2016, 06:45:05 pm »

Hi, i decided to extend something i posted on a comment:

I have a problem: my partner is an effeminate top and i am a discreet bottom. I like discreet tops and he likes it as well, so i take the top side of the relationship. This makes me so tired and made me loose most of my sexual interest for him, although we keep doing sex, fewer times than we did before, what makes him feel really bad about himself. He works hard at the gym and got a beautiful body, but still doesn't makes him desirable for me aesthetically.

I constantly deny and try to create this idea of "i don't like to make sex just for making", although if a hot top guy asked me for sex probably i would do it without second thoughts. But we both know that i don't feel that much attracted for him, i fear this is hurting our relationship. The problem is that i love him a lot!

He is a sweet person that understands me and i am an really attentive and caring partner for him outside sex. We work well together and in a world that have so many std's (i am kinda hypocondriac), its good to have a partner that you trust. I cheated on him? only once when i made a travel for other country but instantly regret it, he said that he would be ok with an open relationship, but this goes against all of my principles.

So, since then i kept loyal to him, but keeping a sexual life is difficult! I don't wanna break up with him because of sex, in fact i came from a previous abusive relationship where the person faked he was my boyfriend while had sex with more than 100 people (yes) in a year. Since then i grew to understand that sex should not be a focus of a relationship, I feel i'm loosing desire for being single, i want to have a serious relationship that makes me happy and that can endure for a lifetime. And it's not that i never have sex with him, i do! and i do it well! but he needs to take the initiative almost always.

It is being bad for him, because he associates sex with love, so he thinks i don't love him but i do and a lot! so much that i could have been cheating him lots of times but i don't do it and feel completely fine about it. I denied sex with really hot guys interested in me for a long time. The problem is, is this sustainable?

Any opinions?
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« Reply #1 on: December 30, 2016, 06:55:50 pm »

first 100 in a year that's basically just 2 per week so it's not that much when you are young.
two I had both type of relationship : a guy that was a really great fucker that I didnt liked and another not so good but a nice guy.
I have to admit I cheated on the nice guy coz sex was way too important. But I mean maybe you dont think things like that but to me sex is totally different than feeling. I mean having sex to me that's like to eat or something, no feelings at all. So in order to keep the nice guy maybe you can have sex and dont tell him. Dont tell him coz that would make him feel bad and that's not a good idea. It all depends on who you are. Are you able to have a bad sex life hence some kind of friendship instead of a relationship or are you ready to cheat on him ? In the end I'm afraid this relationship is going to break apart if it stays that way. The best thing would be 'dont ask' / dont tell for you and him , meaning you have some sexual liberty and keep your feelings just for him and you both dont talk about it. I'v been doing that with a guy for years, it was fine that way. we both knew we were screwing around but we never talked about it .
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« Reply #2 on: December 30, 2016, 07:04:10 pm »

How it was the relationship with the first guy?
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« Reply #3 on: December 30, 2016, 07:13:29 pm »

the guy I didn't liked? well.. I tried to break up many times but he was not listening. I had some kind of break down and punch him really hard. So we didnt talked for like a year after that. But in the end we became 'friends with benefits" and that was way better at least for me.
the nice guy in the end we broke up and well I was sad about it but.. I mean a relationship without being fulfilled sexually when you are young that was just what was going to happen anyway.
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