Ex Getting with So Called "Friend"... Advice Wanted
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« on: January 29, 2017, 04:34:30 pm »

Hey guys, so I'm just going to explain the situation as briefly as possible. My ex & I have dated long distance for about 2 years. During the early stages, we said to each other that distance won't affect the relationship. I loved him & he loved me. Everything was rosy. We even talked about getting married & living together. He was in Germany for uni & I was in the UK for uni. We met as much as we possibly could. I even went to his family's house for Christmas/new Years' & celebrated it with them. Fast forward 2 years, he's now doing a Master's program in the UK. Then, he broke up with me on the day of our second year anniversary. 2 weeks later, I find out he started seeing my so called "friend" from a university society that I introduced my ex to. It's now just under 5 months later & I'm still pissed off. Thing is, before I found out that he was seeing my ex-friend, we had a talk, that we would get over this break up & be friends. Right now, I feel like I never want to associate with him again. It's like, he discarded me like a used tissue & the two years that we spent together meant nothing to him. I don't know what to do. We have a lot in common - pretty much same friends, same interests, etc. Tbh his reason for the break up was so vague... He said it was because of the small issues in the relationship that built up over time... I feel like he's a bit of a coward for running away instead of trying to fix things now that he's in the UK doing a Master's course. Anyways, what would you do? Would you want to be friends with him again?
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« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2017, 08:22:22 pm »

I have remained friends with a few of my ex-bf, friendly with a couple others, and never ever ever talked to a couple of them--it depends on the severity of the breakup. If you are staying friendly in hopes of getting back together, that is setting yourself up for failure. But if you think he didn't do you so bad, which it sounds like he might not have given your story there, then try and stay friendly. I'd say the situation will work itself out best with the least amount of interaction and least amount of "decision making" by you. Focus on you; don't try and reason it out. Good luck.
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« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2017, 07:22:43 pm »

Thanks upnXT. I haven't had contact with him in a while & I think I won't be doing so for a while. But we'll see how I feel further down the line.
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« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2017, 08:33:47 pm »

it would be hard for me to be friends again with that person.I have been in that situation, and i just couldn't.I don't like being treated like garbage.And he treated me like that.So no i have not and will not ever do such a thing
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« Reply #4 on: February 03, 2017, 11:51:39 pm »

I would not try to be his friend. He kinda betrayed you in some form or fashion. I broke up with my ex last October, he was very abusive towards me, he was emotionally and mentally abusive. We have over the past 3 months tried to be friends, even spent Christmas together,
but in January his abusive nature took over again. I ended the friendship as of yesterday. I even had to change my phone number because he would not leave me alone. I am as well still grieving, even though he was abusive, I loved him and I am still sad over the situation. There is a thread here in Sex and relationships...called "my partner and his best friend", read it.
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« Reply #5 on: February 04, 2017, 12:12:37 am »

Sorry to hear about what you went through. It's not clear though, but from what I understood- he broke up with you before getting together with this other guy? If so, then as someone distant enough to give another perspective- maybe he was being decent enough to break up with you before hooking up with someone else. That counts for something.

It sucks to be dumped that way- but in my own experience- the biggest risk of a long distance relationship is that you tend to lose out to someone who is physically there. It's human nature and you can't blame someone for falling for a person who they can get together with regularly vs someone who is so far away. Not to say that it's impossible for long distance romance to work out- but the odds are against you.

As to becoming friends- as I said he seems to have at least done the decent thing and broken up with you before hooking up with someone else. If you can get past that, and leave your romantic notions in the past, then by all means be friends with him again. But if you still have emotional baggage to deal with, then it's best to keep your distance, let the wounds heal and meet someone new.
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Tell someone you love them today, because life is short.
But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.
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« Reply #6 on: February 04, 2017, 11:03:04 am »

That's fucked up on your friends part.  You have to cut him loose.
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« Reply #7 on: February 04, 2017, 12:30:07 pm »

Sorry to hear about what you went through. It's not clear though, but from what I understood- he broke up with you before getting together with this other guy? If so, then as someone distant enough to give another perspective- maybe he was being decent enough to break up with you before hooking up with someone else. That counts for something.

It sucks to be dumped that way- but in my own experience- the biggest risk of a long distance relationship is that you tend to lose out to someone who is physically there. It's human nature and you can't blame someone for falling for a person who they can get together with regularly vs someone who is so far away. Not to say that it's impossible for long distance romance to work out- but the odds are against you.

As to becoming friends- as I said he seems to have at least done the decent thing and broken up with you before hooking up with someone else. If you can get past that, and leave your romantic notions in the past, then by all means be friends with him again. But if you still have emotional baggage to deal with, then it's best to keep your distance, let the wounds heal and meet someone new.

i totally agree with you and the thing is he might have already been intimate with someone even before the breakup. If you feel uncomfortable being friends with him then don't but , in your case, when its inevitable not to see him then maybe you could focus yourself on something else or someone else.
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« Reply #8 on: February 04, 2017, 04:10:44 pm »

You should cut it loose. Not worth the effort and time.

The emotions will be there as always but, you need to love again and be loved. Don't get hung up on situations like this. Plenty of beautiful fishes in the sea. Go look.  Hug
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« Reply #9 on: February 04, 2017, 04:30:21 pm »

Hmm. If it were me?
Since we have the same group of friends, I wouldn't be able to avoid him. I've never had that sort of relationship, but I guess the bitterness would fade over time. But then again, I feel like I've been discarded like shit, so it'd be hard to tell.
I'd still be friends with him, although I have to consider how HE feels about us being friends. I'm too forgiving, damn it.
PS. My head hurt because of this. Cheesy
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"A witty saying proves nothing."
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« Reply #10 on: March 08, 2017, 11:16:44 pm »

Thanks for all the advice everyone. Yea DamaDama I do feel like I was just tossed aside like a used tissue & cast aside so abruptly like that. In any case, I think I'm just going to completely cut them out of my life & not talk to them again. They are dating btw, so that's great XD  But yea geox not worth my time & effort to befriend backstabbers & liars.
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« Reply #11 on: March 09, 2017, 07:35:10 pm »

Stop talking to both of them?
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« Reply #12 on: March 10, 2017, 06:12:23 pm »

Thanks for all the advice everyone. Yea DamaDama I do feel like I was just tossed aside like a used tissue & cast aside so abruptly like that. In any case, I think I'm just going to completely cut them out of my life & not talk to them again. They are dating btw, so that's great XD  But yea geox not worth my time & effort to befriend backstabbers & liars.


I thinkt that's the best thing to do. I was being manipulated for a long too and had the same situation except the other guy was not my friend. He wanted to become friends afrter a breakup too and I was always the only one losing on that. Really man. It's a good decision. Not speaking to my ex for a while made me realize how musch manipulated I was and how much of a sociopath he was. Not saying your guy is but he was running away from problems instead of fixing them the same way. He would not talk about some issues and then come up with his own conclusions only seen right according to his fucked up logic built on so called observations. Always trying to make me the mad one and complaining one. One time I was impulsive one time I wasn't spontaneous enough. One time hot one time cold. Deeper I went with it the worse it got. I'm very intelligent so there was times when I knew that he's explanation is missing some parts. When confronted there was ALWAYS ANOTHER reason all over again. Sorry to be ranting I'm still pissed off too as you are Tongue but just really dude, get over it. I'm sure there is a better guy for you. A lot of people would tell me there are other guys. There weren't not for me. Still he's the only one but I'm just starting to see that behind the perfection of looks, handsomeness, beautiful body, outstanding masculinity, amazing intelligence, big wallet and charming charisma there is a sick old rotten man not worth our pain Smiley Good luck at healing!
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« Reply #13 on: March 17, 2017, 08:59:30 pm »

You should cut it loose. Not worth the effort and time.

The emotions will be there as always but, you need to love again and be loved. Don't get hung up on situations like this. Plenty of beautiful fishes in the sea. Go look.  Hug

 Undecided


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