I fell in love with someone who's not my type, physically. So confused
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« on: February 07, 2017, 08:57:18 pm »

Has this ever happened to you? You date someone, fall in love, but the guy is not really your type physically? I'm in my 30s and really felt I found the perfect guy to settle with, but my sexual attraction towards him is weak. He's really hot, but just not my type.

I'm confused and don't know if I should continue or break it off. We've been together for months now and everything is great except the sex. I'm afraid to break it off and then regret my mistake.

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« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2017, 09:22:38 pm »

I think it's just me, but you should go for it. You see... is the sex not that great because you are too worked up about it or what? From what I know, if you really, really, REALLY love someone, you eventually will figure things out, even in sexual terms and eventually forget about the fact that he is not your type. You should talk about what do you two like and how to make the sex really better. Your partner may not be your type, but if you do love him, really do have feelings for him, you should go for it. Don't break it up just because he is not your type, physically. In the end, it is whom you feel comfortable to have healthy, caring, loving, understanding and everlasting relationship with, not the one whose physical features meet your criteria since, well... does it really matter in everything else other than sex? Say if you found that guy who you really adores because he is your type, but he doesn't return the feelings, or treat you not as good as your current partner, what will you do then? If you do find the guy that meets your criteria and has the correct personality, it's fine. But now that you already have a kind and caring partner even he is not your type ideally? Just accept it. I'm sure you'll make him the happiest person in the world knowing that you accept him for whoever he is. That's what most people want right? If he is happy, he'll make you happy as well, eventually.

I heard that those who end up with not their ideal type are typically the happiest. Maybe because once you have found part of you, you generally don't worry about anything else.

In conclusion? I'd say hang in there. It's not worth it to end your relationship just because he is physically not your type. Guys with your favorite physical features may be scattered all around, but those who willing to care and genuinely love you? It's not always certain. You'll figure everything out, eventually. Just talk about what you like, in sex and any other things.

And as matter of fact, it happens to me now. My boyfriend is unlike who I imagine I would end up with; he's not exactly my type, but he takes good care of me. He loves me, I eventually fall for him and I'm happy with it. I should be thanking him since I'm not exactly attractive either for most of men standard in my country, I think, but he chose me, even though he can actually see someone else if he wants to, not to mention, many find him attractive, I was one of the few who think otherwise, at first. I initially found it weird, since he's way shorter than me; I used to wish to date someone taller. But... instead, I found him. I can't really complain and I no longer care about types. And... our first time sex is not that great, especially since I still knew nothing about that at first, but now... everything can't be even better, I think.
« Last Edit: February 07, 2017, 09:40:59 pm by (Hidden) » Logged
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« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2017, 09:29:30 pm »

Yeah, happened to me. At first I was into my boyfriend because it was new. He was handsome but really like chubby, fat but not in a way I like it. Pale skin, totally 0 sports and I didn't like anything about him. But we were together and it was great just like you say. We parted though, it was actually a good decision because I don't think I would be able to break up with someone. It was his and I agreed after fighting for the relationship. Couldn't do much when he gave up. But well I didn't love him. I was close to, I really respected him, really really more than liked and we were great together. I was later thankful because I found someone who was even better and also was my perfect man in terms of looks.
But the choice is yours. Just follow your heart. Remember appearance is not everything. But what he gives you and what he is to you, will actually last, not the face or the body. Think deeply what you want. I saw a difference and I really understood that I need someone who drives me nuts with sexually. There is no correct answer to this question. You might regret after you lose him and start missing him or you might be happy finding someone else whom you fancy. It's always a risk, just be sure whatever you do to not hurt the other guy if he is fair to you. Treat everyone on the level they deserve Smiley
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« Reply #3 on: February 07, 2017, 09:46:22 pm »

I'm in my 30's too and I find myself caring less about sex and more about a person I can share my life with.
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« Reply #4 on: February 07, 2017, 09:50:01 pm »

well, go for it.See how it will go.TRY it!i definitely would
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« Reply #5 on: February 09, 2017, 02:40:56 am »

When I was nineteen I fell in love with a man who served me in the boutique (is that english?) where i used to buy my clothes.
Through this man I learned to reflect and who introduced me to music like Philip Glass and David Sylvian. But he could nott kiss and he had a very small penis. I hate me still for this. but I could not accept him. Sad.
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« Reply #6 on: February 09, 2017, 03:10:07 am »

I say go for it and see where it goes. It's easier to find someone you're attracted to and have sex, but much harder to find someone you genuinely connect with and whose company you enjoy.

There are ways to get around the lack of sexual chemistry- use your imagination and treat it as a challenge. If you really love him, then it's worth the effort. Good luck!
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Tell someone you love them today, because life is short.
But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.
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« Reply #7 on: February 09, 2017, 09:27:01 pm »

I'm in my 30's too and I find myself caring less about sex and more about a person I can share my life with.

Me too! The "hotness" fades away, but true connection lasts forever (or for a much longer time…).
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« Reply #8 on: February 11, 2017, 05:58:35 am »

While sex is important to a relationship, it does not make 100% of it.

Give it a try.  Who knows?  This 'type' thing is actually limiting how we experience relationships.  Also, eroticism and attraction have a mental component.  It's obvious this dude gets your hormones crazy...let your mind let go of this 'type' thing and explore the relationship fully.

When love hits, it hits hard.
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« Reply #9 on: February 11, 2017, 01:53:31 pm »

Has this ever happened to you? You date someone, fall in love, but the guy is not really your type physically? I'm in my 30s and really felt I found the perfect guy to settle with, but my sexual attraction towards him is weak. He's really hot, but just not my type.

I'm confused and don't know if I should continue or break it off. We've been together for months now and everything is great except the sex. I'm afraid to break it off and then regret my mistake.

Well the question is, what do you mean by "he is just not my type".

There is a saying that friendship is love without the erotic part. Pardon my bluntness, but... If everything is great with someone, just not the sex, then why have sex with him? In that case, you may as well live with a woman, there are many wonderful women ideal to settle with.

Then again, you stated that he is "hot". Can you detail that a little, praise him, tell us how do you find hot? Is he handsome, but fat, or does he have a sexy body with an average face? Is he older than your ideal?

And maybe you should also think of what your "type" is. Is it a very strict type, like "bald guys with a face resembling my childhood crush", or did you only mean that his looks alone does not excite you very much? If your previous boyfriends were cut out for a particular fetish, and he isn't, then maybe it is only  that your taste have changed.
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« Reply #10 on: February 11, 2017, 01:59:33 pm »

Has this ever happened to you? You date someone, fall in love, but the guy is not really your type physically? I'm in my 30s and really felt I found the perfect guy to settle with, but my sexual attraction towards him is weak. He's really hot, but just not my type.

I'm confused and don't know if I should continue or break it off. We've been together for months now and everything is great except the sex. I'm afraid to break it off and then regret my mistake.




Sex is great, however, it is harder to find a person that you could settle down with.
Try it out what do you have to lose?
Your in your 30s you still have time if it doesn't work out.
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« Reply #11 on: February 12, 2017, 07:35:11 pm »

Has this ever happened to you? You date someone, fall in love, but the guy is not really your type physically? I'm in my 30s and really felt I found the perfect guy to settle with, but my sexual attraction towards him is weak. He's really hot, but just not my type.

I'm confused and don't know if I should continue or break it off. We've been together for months now and everything is great except the sex. I'm afraid to break it off and then regret my mistake.

Well the question is, what do you mean by "he is just not my type".

There is a saying that friendship is love without the erotic part. Pardon my bluntness, but... If everything is great with someone, just not the sex, then why have sex with him? In that case, you may as well live with a woman, there are many wonderful women ideal to settle with.

Then again, you stated that he is "hot". Can you detail that a little, praise him, tell us how do you find hot? Is he handsome, but fat, or does he have a sexy body with an average face? Is he older than your ideal?

And maybe you should also think of what your "type" is. Is it a very strict type, like "bald guys with a face resembling my childhood crush", or did you only mean that his looks alone does not excite you very much? If your previous boyfriends were cut out for a particular fetish, and he isn't, then maybe it is only  that your taste have changed.

I said that he's "hot" because I don't want people to think that I don't want him because he's unattractive. He happens to be a good looking guy. But he's not my type. I don't wake up every morning feeling so horny when I'm with him. I won't take a picture of him and jerk off to it.

I really like guys who are not smooth on their body, and he is very smooth. All the porn I download here are basically hairy-type guys. So I'm just wondering from people here who've had this experience - am I going down a path that will lead to a breakup? Do couples really need to be totally attracted to one another?

He is literally everything I wanted in a guy...such a sweetheart.
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« Reply #12 on: February 12, 2017, 10:19:21 pm »

Like what Disney has always said with their musical numbers...

"True to Your Heart"
"Can't You Feel the Love Tonight?"
"Listen to Your Heart"
"Let it Go"
"How Far Will I Go"

I said that he's "hot" because I don't want people to think that I don't want him because he's unattractive. He happens to be a good looking guy. But he's not my type. I don't wake up every morning feeling so horny when I'm with him. I won't take a picture of him and jerk off to it.

I really like guys who are not smooth on their body, and he is very smooth. All the porn I download here are basically hairy-type guys. So I'm just wondering from people here who've had this experience - am I going down a path that will lead to a breakup? Do couples really need to be totally attracted to one another?

He is literally everything I wanted in a guy...such a sweetheart.

I believe your last statement is the key!

Why? Because physical attraction will grow over time. And it WILL grow, once you've shared emotional attraction.
How can I say that? Personal experience. I had this good friend, and I used to think that this was a guy I could just be friends with. After all, he's simply just NOT my type. Similar to you, I have sexual preferences that easily aroused me (hairy, moderately muscular, physically active), and he's not at all like that (smooth as a bun, moderately chubby, and loved to laze around)!

As we got closer, I was starting to see him... 'differently'. As in, I began to slowly tolerate his looks, because his personality won me over. That sentiment actually caught me by surprise! That's when I began to... you know, just want to be with him. That longing feeling that only you alone could understand. Thanks to that, as time went by, I began feeling sexual attraction from him too! Highly likely because my trust for him grew stronger and stronger. Sure, it didn't end as a happy ending for us due to a very trivial issue, but that's my problem. Many other people have indeed found happiness through the same path! 

You said "I don't wake up every morning feeling so horny when I'm with him". I'm completely sure that's just how you feel FOR NOW. Just go for it, wait and see, what develops, what's going to happen next once you take the first step. I can't guarantee a fairytale happy ending, but who knows, the result might just pleasantly surprise you  Wink.
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