Need advise: My ex is now my supervisor, and treat me like nobody.
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Author Topic: Need advise: My ex is now my supervisor, and treat me like nobody.  (Read 3672 times)
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« on: March 25, 2017, 05:03:58 pm »

Hi

I'm a male asian gay, living in a very conservative asian country.
Had my first real relationship with someone who i had grown to passionately in love with for 2 years.

But on 2015, he got a new offer in another neighboring country, althoug its hard, but we tried doing LDR.
Its been his request that I follow him. I did. I got an offer, in the same company as him, just to be broken up with when i delivered the news.

But i moved there anyway.

Spent this past 1 year. Treated as if i was no one. Turns out, during our LDR, he emotionally cheated, with a straight men btw, who no longer even work in the same company anymore.

We have the same circle of friend, same job industry, same company, he is even my "boss" to whom I report my works to. I can't just quit and find another place to work because the my job industry is pretty niche and few in terms of networks.

And the worst thing is, even though I don't want to get back together with him. I still see him as my best friend, and someone I care about. Why am I torturing myself?
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« Reply #1 on: March 25, 2017, 06:59:44 pm »

your situation is pretty delicate i think he is pretty important for you and you wish to stay friends if it were me i would personally talk to him about my feeling i think being straightforward is pretty much the best answer cause if you dont talk to him sometimes there will be misunderstanding and maybe there is a reason for the way he treated you once you talk to him you can make the best decision. hope its helpful. blow nose
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« Reply #2 on: March 25, 2017, 07:22:59 pm »

You didn't mention any reason for the break-up.
What happened?not snooping into your business,but I think you should consider the reason you ended your relationship.
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« Reply #3 on: March 25, 2017, 08:44:28 pm »

When the right time/moment appears, talk to him.

From what I understand, you didn't got the closure you deserve.

I hope you are able to work this out. Best of luck!
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« Reply #4 on: March 25, 2017, 11:24:06 pm »

It sounds a lot like you've got more personally invested in him than he does in you. I'm sorry to hear about what you've gone through, but it seems like you need to start looking out for yourself- branch out and expand your circle of friends, don't invest everything into just one person, specially someone who has cheated on you.

Definitely have a serious talk with him and see where you stand- it may be that the way he's treating you is an expression of how he wants to move on- so at the very least you can get some closure.
I hope things work out, but if not, there are many guys out there who may even be better for you. You should find someone who values you as much as you value him. Good luck!   Smiley
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« Reply #5 on: March 26, 2017, 06:49:42 am »

your situation is pretty delicate i think he is pretty important for you and you wish to stay friends if it were me i would personally talk to him about my feeling i think being straightforward is pretty much the best answer cause if you dont talk to him sometimes there will be misunderstanding and maybe there is a reason for the way he treated you once you talk to him you can make the best decision. hope its helpful. blow nose

You didn't mention any reason for the break-up.
What happened?not snooping into your business,but I think you should consider the reason you ended your relationship.

He did say, that he didn't want me to waste my time, and that the wasn't sure about our relationship. And he has confessed that he emotionally cheated during our LDR. We've talked. But what i dont understand is, why he treats me like no one. I did try to move on, went on dating apps, did some hook ups. But all felt empty. I saw the guy I cared for everyday, and he barely blinks an eye on me anymore.
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« Reply #6 on: March 26, 2017, 06:51:22 am »

It sounds a lot like you've got more personally invested in him than he does in you. I'm sorry to hear about what you've gone through, but it seems like you need to start looking out for yourself- branch out and expand your circle of friends, don't invest everything into just one person, specially someone who has cheated on you.

Definitely have a serious talk with him and see where you stand- it may be that the way he's treating you is an expression of how he wants to move on- so at the very least you can get some closure.
I hope things work out, but if not, there are many guys out there who may even be better for you. You should find someone who values you as much as you value him. Good luck!   Smiley

Thanks for your solid advise. We did have a talk, via chat, bc he said he is not "emotionally capable" and too anxious to have a face to face talk with me regarding this matter. He said he's trying, but all I feel is him ignoring me.

Again, thanks, I will try on expanding my circle of friends. Cheesy
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« Reply #7 on: March 26, 2017, 07:08:38 am »

Emotionally cheated?  Like, how?  He got a hug from the straight guy?
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« Reply #8 on: March 26, 2017, 07:48:18 am »

Emotionally cheated?  Like, how?  He got a hug from the straight guy?

My understanding by emotionally cheating is being very close with someone else, to the point you are past flirting but have not even kissed or held hands. You think about them all the time and *want* them sexually but would never go there as you are with someone. Modern version includes things like light sexting and just general texts etc - to the point you are more or close to more emotionally connected to them than your own partner

it is for different reasons, in each case. e.g. for some they are unhappy  with their current partner but emotionally just switch to an open port - basically, an excuse. Sometimes it is more genuine but that is when you need to sit down and say "ok.. what do i really want?"
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All the world is waiting for you and the power you possess
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« Reply #9 on: March 26, 2017, 03:59:35 pm »

^^^^^ thanks Cheesy

Emotionally cheated?  Like, how?  He got a hug from the straight guy?

yeah basically, I initially knew from a gut. While we are on LDR, the guy came up several times, the way he spoke about him seems weird. And since our circle of friends are pretty much the same, heard things or two from the people that he had a very close friend. I guess he cheated by replacing my presence with this guy and start imagining life with him instead with me. And moreover, the guy is straight, how hurtful is that Cheesy lol
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« Reply #10 on: March 26, 2017, 05:09:37 pm »

Pay no mind ti him , move on emotionally and get a labor attorney.
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« Reply #11 on: March 26, 2017, 05:39:51 pm »

undermine and sabotage him every chance you get and when he threatens to fire you threaten to out him and sue the company for creating a toxic work environment. Make his life such a living hell he quits...that's what I do when friends become my supervisors.

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« Reply #12 on: March 26, 2017, 07:44:23 pm »

undermine and sabotage him every chance you get and when he threatens to fire you threaten to out him and sue the company for creating a toxic work environment. Make his life such a living hell he quits...that's what I do when friends become my supervisors.



You're just trolling.  That's a horrible thing to do.
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« Reply #13 on: March 27, 2017, 07:00:35 pm »

thanks for the replies lol. I may not be his bf anymore, and he cheated, but since I'm such a loser, I bare no ill will, I can't imagine hurting him in any way shape and form.
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« Reply #14 on: March 28, 2017, 12:43:01 am »

definitely you should ask to talk to him privately and then open up. If you had a story with him this shouldn't be a taboo between you two, that only makes things worse. best luck on that.
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« Reply #15 on: March 28, 2017, 01:54:02 pm »

definitely you should ask to talk to him privately and then open up. If you had a story with him this shouldn't be a taboo between you two, that only makes things worse. best luck on that.

plot twist, alrd did ask him to speak privately face to face. But he cannot and won't do it. Bc he's too anxious and doesn't have the emotional capacity to handle such conversation.  Crazy? . It sounds crazy, I know, Ive been with him for 2 years, this is what happened whenever we get into a fight, 1 of us is upset, or when we're about to have serious conversation. I might've dodged the bullet when I think of it regarding this guy.  Cheesy
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« Reply #16 on: March 31, 2017, 06:16:48 am »

undermine and sabotage him every chance you get and when he threatens to fire you threaten to out him and sue the company for creating a toxic work environment. Make his life such a living hell he quits...that's what I do when friends become my supervisors.



You're just trolling.  That's a horrible thing to do.

I'm not trolling. I'm just a legitimately horrible person.
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« Reply #17 on: March 31, 2017, 02:33:02 pm »

i can't stand this kinda drama.....even just read abt it.....if u can't just quit .....then maybe try to date his boss.....and eventually be his boss?
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« Reply #18 on: April 01, 2017, 01:45:16 am »

definitely you should ask to talk to him privately and then open up. If you had a story with him this shouldn't be a taboo between you two, that only makes things worse. best luck on that.

plot twist, alrd did ask him to speak privately face to face. But he cannot and won't do it. Bc he's too anxious and doesn't have the emotional capacity to handle such conversation.  Crazy? . It sounds crazy, I know, Ive been with him for 2 years, this is what happened whenever we get into a fight, 1 of us is upset, or when we're about to have serious conversation. I might've dodged the bullet when I think of it regarding this guy.  Cheesy

He sounds like an emotionally/mentally immature guy with self esteem issues, who needs to face up to his actions - you deserve someone that, no matter the error, will at least attempt to discuss it with you - that is not a lot to ask Smiley

people like him want it all but want no consequence - kinda like leechers on this site that screw up their ratio then freak out.. instead of just fixing it lol
« Last Edit: April 01, 2017, 02:09:50 am by (Hidden) » Logged



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« Reply #19 on: April 01, 2017, 11:06:57 pm »

go down
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