in my early 40s... and i have never met a man for a longtime relationship...
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« on: April 29, 2017, 09:18:31 pm »

Hi guys

   I am a 41-year-old man from Spain. As time goes by, I become more and more aware of the difficulty of meeting a partner... I mean not a fuckmate ( which is quite easy to find, really ), but a serious person who can share strong feelings for me... As I am not a horrible dude ( I mean, I am not a Colt model man or similar, but a 167 cms tall and 74 kgs, hairy broad chest, nice love handles and training 4 days a week at a gym... no 6-pack abs ( snifff ) ), I wonder what´s wrong with me...
   I have tried to join Gay Clubs ( nobody seemed interested in me ), Date Apps ( Bearwww, Grindr,... ) and in the places I go: at the gym, everybody seems to be straight and the few gays training didn´t look at me twice. As I am "out" officially ( but with no special mannerisms or being the gay cliché ), I have never noticed any interest. Sometimes I wonder if I am really that odd or out of fashion, but I have noticed some gay men looking at me with great interest... but just that... looking at me with interest.
   What can I do? Some tips? I am sorry to be calling for an Agony Aunt... well, in this case, an Agony Uncle ( Wink ).
   Can I improve my appearance? I am not ugly, I have a childish face with Brown eyes, although I have some receding hair and salt and pepper short beard...
   Any suggestion will be wellcome... Well, I mean to meet someone older than me... Not interested in Young boys... I need a mature men... It´s just the daddy crave, you know...
   Thank you!



« Reply #1 on: April 29, 2017, 10:18:49 pm »

You sound fantastic - i wish I lived in Spain and we could meet. I too am in my early 40's and am aware that one needs to settle down with a partner but I am in no rush. I understand your predicament though. It may be that you are not looking in the right places ? Surely there are dating applications you could go on and remember to play it cool if u come over too full on it may be a put off or smack of desperation. Sometimes things happen when you least expect it , perhaps you're looking too hard. Fulfill your sexual appetite with 'safe' casual meets until something better comes along. Sometimes casual meets can turn into something more long term. Always find common ground and same interests with someone else as this always gives you something to talk about and branch out from there. Remember it cuts both ways and someone deserves you try not to look at it the other way around. You never know-good luck and I hope you get the opportunity to meet someone simply wonderful. It's diffcicult as I don't 'know' you to say 'well you are doing this wrong or that wrong'.I hope you find someone and am sure there is somebody it's just you haven't met them yet, you will get your chance just simply let things happen 'naturally'....  Hug


« Reply #2 on: April 29, 2017, 10:22:34 pm »

I think your problem is very common among lots of people but especially gay men.  If you were straight you would have gotten a woman pregnant and stayed with her for the kids like so many straight people do.

Be thankful you get to skip that.

The best advice I can give you is to surround yourself with great friends.


« Reply #3 on: April 30, 2017, 01:29:12 am »

You sound like a really great guy! I guess without knowing more about you, I can give a limited bit of advice-
but first I'd suggest you look at your relationship history. What were your last long relationships? What caused them to end? SOmetimes we fail to resolve some personal issues that need to be dealt with before we can move on to a successful long-term relationship.

Next- I'd suggest looking into other dating apps in your country that caters to a more serious crowd than say Grindr does (it was on your list of apps). Some other places to look would be at social events that you can attend. Ask around- use your network of friends and family and tell them to hook you up with someone they might know who fits what you're looking for.

Last, you could join some group activities- dance classes? Scuba diving? Swimming? You may have a good chance to meet someone who shares your interests and that's a great start to a relationship. I hope that helps. Good luck!

Tell someone you love them today, because life is short.
But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.
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