My inner struggle
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« on: May 13, 2017, 05:16:58 am »



My main problem is my inner struggle I guess..

I continue gay habits, such as masturbating and thinking about muscular/more masculine men. At the same time, I like women, like being around them more than guys, and want to have an romantic/sexual relationship with a girl.

Clearly I'm very conflicted, and it makes things very difficult for me when trying to have relationships. It always occupies my mind. I try to figure out what I truly am because I'm confused, and it constantly makes me upset and depressed.

I know that no one here can tell me if I'm gay or straight. But any advice, would be much appreciated. This is the first time I've decided to directly address my problem and any help would certainly make me feel a whole lot better.

Thanks.


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« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2017, 06:02:00 am »

You masturbate to men, but want a relationship with a woman

You sound like one of the following:
- Bisexual
- Closet gay
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« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2017, 06:10:08 am »

My test for sexual orientation is to place before me pictures of men and wimmen.  They can be pornographic, athletic, or just scantily clad humans.

As i scan thru pix of wimmen, i get NO feeling of lust- or even interest. (I am a total fag, so no surprise.)

As i scan thru pix of men, i admire their shapes, their faces, their bodies and can differentiate between more and less exciting ones.  When i was younger, i could actually get wood, just by looking at the rite guys.

If you get approximately equal responses for both men and wimmen, you are a bisexual- my boy friend is bi.

The use of the term "bi" is frequently used as a cover-up for a fag who doesn't want to admit it, but my boy is a true bisexual, so i know they exist.

Once you have decided, you're still not committed to "go in that direction," but at least you can envision a preference.

-Bobby
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« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2017, 07:06:56 am »

Quote
The use of the term "bi" is frequently used as a cover-up for a fag who doesn't want to admit it, but my boy is a true bisexual, so i know they exist.
as a bi I think this statement is not really great. Again sexuality is a gradation , some happen to be in the middle. just fact. I dont see how this could be a cover up as well as when you say you are bi it also means you do it with guys.. hence you receive same homophobia from dumb straight as if saying you'r gay + you get the hate from many gays ( I know from personal experience ) because they consider you as some treator or worse deny your sexual identity. I dont see any advantage to coming out as bi.
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« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2017, 07:35:53 am »

First of all I want to acknowledge the courage it takes to put your feelings into concrete words, so kudos.

Secondly, I can relate (as much as possible for a queer person) to how difficult it is to be in a state of uncertainty, when all around you there is a society that has clear-cut definitions of what a man and woman should be, who they should love and how they should act. This is all just a giant load of bullshit, and the best thing to do is to try to shut out those outside voices telling you what to be. You're a human being having a human experience and it is OK to be unsure about things, it's OK to try different things, it's OK to make mistakes in these areas of life - just use it as a means to learn more about yourself and your own personal experience. It doesn't matter about what images turn you on sexually, or what gender you are attracted to in a relationship, it's all fluid anyway. Maybe you can just be attracted to a person for who they are, not what genitals they have. Just remain open to love, no matter what form it takes, or which direction it comes from.

Eventually you may not even find any answers to these uncertainties, but that's OK too. If you learn to listen to yourself you will discover how to be comfortable not-knowing, it is possible to be at home in a state of uncertainty.

I hope these words find you and are helpful xxx
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« Reply #5 on: May 13, 2017, 12:24:06 pm »

nobody can tell you what is going to work for you, overall, and it also sounds like you should do some exploring alone or with people that are open minded.
basically, your experiences will help you learn what feels right for you, and help you to find a balance that you feel comfortable with. sexuality is a spectrum. tbh, i watch 80% gay porn and 20% straight porn, but i probably wouldn't pursue women even though i find them attractive.

meanwhile, here's a buzzfeed quiz to help!
https://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/lets-talk-about-sex?utm_term=.ceeG8D8x1#.gfdOMRMAK
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« Reply #6 on: May 14, 2017, 05:37:25 am »

You see... there's not only 'gay' or 'straight'. Why do people always forget about - or deny the existence of - bisexual people? Maybe you are one yourself.
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« Reply #7 on: May 14, 2017, 07:29:59 am »

bisexuality Cheers
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« Reply #8 on: May 16, 2017, 02:42:07 pm »


I got as a result:

Quote
Not really heterosexual or homosexual.

You don’t necessarily fall on the spectrum of sexuality, which is okay. Sexuality doesn’t have to be strictly one thing or another thing, and there are plenty of people out there who experience sexual feelings in unique ways, or perhaps don’t experience sexual feelings at all.

 Roll Eyes




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« Reply #9 on: May 16, 2017, 03:21:28 pm »

ok, maybe a buzzfeed quiz wasn't going to give you the most clarity, but there are other  and more scientific ones online.
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« Reply #10 on: May 17, 2017, 11:22:58 am »

why are you trying to squeeze yourself in to a box?

its not your thoughts and desires that don't fit, it's the box! forget about fitting in to gay or straight. your feelings and thoughts are your own, and your fantasies and desires are about people you find attractive in a consensual, normal way so there's only a problem if you make it one. You don't have to say you are this or that, gay or straight. You don't even have to say you are bisexual, you are just YOU.  Smiley
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« Reply #11 on: May 17, 2017, 12:16:47 pm »


I continue gay habits, such as masturbating and thinking about muscular/more masculine men. At the same time, I like women, like being around them more than guys, and want to have an romantic/sexual relationship with a girl.



I like women and I definitely prefer being round them more than guys, but I have no sexual interest in them what so ever.  I find certain women extremely attractive and have even said out loud "WOW isn't she stunning".  I've had girlfriends in the past, thou nothing ever happened, but that's what was expected and before I accepted I was 100% gay.

Don't as someone else said put yourself into a box, you will find who you are eventually.  Instead enjoy discovering who you are and what you like, make mistakes, screw things up, that's what it's all about.

You're not the only one in this boat, that's why we've gone from Str8, Bi and gay to dozens of different labels that allow people to identify as one thing while distancing themselves from another.

Spend less time worrying about who/what you are and more time enjoying the ride of discovery till the penny drops.
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« Reply #12 on: May 17, 2017, 04:36:15 pm »

My advice is: Do not try to categorize your sexual preferences. Just fulfill your desires.

If you like to go out with girls, kiss them, have sex with them and masturbate thinking of men. OK!
If you are dating some woman, suddenly a mascular man pass in front of you and you get a boner. OK!

Sexuality is not a binary system


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