Coming out to homophobic parents?
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« on: June 20, 2017, 05:18:17 pm »

I need advice to come out to my homophobic parents
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« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2017, 05:29:36 pm »

horrible
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« Reply #2 on: June 30, 2017, 02:09:40 am »

That's terrifying..
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« Reply #3 on: July 04, 2017, 05:54:51 am »

Why would you even think about it? Don't do it. Keep your parents at arms length and slowly have them pushed out of your life. It sounds hard but it works. Eventually, they will come up and ask why you're so distant. Then tell them. Give them the option of being in your life and you in theirs or go your separate ways.
Save a ton of hurt and emotional scars that could come.
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« Reply #4 on: October 05, 2017, 06:43:22 am »


Have you done any move?

 angel


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« Reply #5 on: January 19, 2018, 06:21:03 pm »

If you live under their roof. Don't do it. Start preparing for your own life and get on your feet first.
If your not? Then fire away. If they really love you? It will show, if not. You will be stronger and better for it and not wasting time and effort on people who were false.
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« Reply #6 on: January 21, 2018, 10:52:32 am »

My vote goes for not telling them yet. Specially if you are very close to them right now. You need to build a strong life first, so that in case something goes wrong, your main source of support and happiness is left unaffected (ie, people other than your parents)

Also, what kind of homophobes are they? Religious ones? just plain homophobes?
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« Reply #7 on: January 21, 2018, 11:08:12 am »

i'm at same situation like you are, i can't come out yet cause i'm not financially stable yet.. if you are independent financially then i suggest you can tell them, but don't expect anything.
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« Reply #8 on: January 21, 2018, 03:28:07 pm »

I would 100% wait until you no longer live with them and don't depend on them financially. Don't jeopardise your safety and livelihood. You should absolutely live your authentic truth, but try to get out of that house asap and then come out when you're safe.
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« Reply #9 on: January 28, 2018, 02:22:03 pm »

you will never know until you tell them...for all you know their love for you is greater
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« Reply #10 on: May 01, 2018, 02:49:09 pm »

This is a late late answer(lol) but for future visitor:

If you want to come out to your parents you really need to be fully prepare for the worst. Make sure you can sustain yourself, get a job, a place to life(preferably somewhere a far from your parents), some savings, etc. This way when they(God forbid) disown you, you can take care of yourself.

Coming out can be a bitch when they won't accept you, but it will set you free.
I wish you good luck mate
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« Reply #11 on: May 02, 2018, 12:14:47 am »

This is a late late answer(lol) but for future visitor:

If you want to come out to your parents you really need to be fully prepare for the worst. Make sure you can sustain yourself, get a job, a place to life(preferably somewhere a far from your parents), some savings, etc. This way when they(God forbid) disown you, you can take care of yourself.

Coming out can be a bitch when they won't accept you, but it will set you free.
I wish you good luck mate

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« Reply #12 on: August 02, 2018, 05:35:28 pm »

If they are just a bit homophobic be distant, sad, make them know that you feel bad about something, play with their feelings to make them more receptive and comprensive about coming out, if they truly love you they will change


but if they are a f*ckin pair of bigots who go to mannifestations against LGTB+ people... Wait until you have your own house/department and job. Then kick them of your life as soon as possible
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« Reply #13 on: August 09, 2018, 02:29:12 pm »

Me too bro. I am 21 and both my parents don't know I'm gay. I guess moving would also be an option, then you don't have to face the drama.
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« Reply #14 on: January 13, 2019, 06:23:55 pm »

you will never know.. the love of parents for you may be bigger than whatever difference you have with your personality
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« Reply #15 on: July 12, 2019, 06:44:15 am »

This is a late late answer(lol) but for future visitor:

If you want to come out to your parents you really need to be fully prepare for the worst. Make sure you can sustain yourself, get a job, a place to life(preferably somewhere a far from your parents), some savings, etc. This way when they(God forbid) disown you, you can take care of yourself.

Coming out can be a bitch when they won't accept you, but it will set you free.
I wish you good luck mate
It's a practical solution. Unfortunately, despite it being the 21st century, homeless LGBT kids are still at an alarming rate  blow nose

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« Reply #16 on: August 03, 2019, 05:45:32 pm »

Same here. I am now 31 and live on my own, I would love to come out to my parents but can't bring myself to do it, yet.
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« Reply #17 on: March 01, 2020, 12:21:32 pm »

I never came out to my parents since they had told me that "gayness" is contagious, which is why they were always found in groups. I was outed by my mom stalking my Facebook by going onto my laptop (I just turned 18 at the time and my parents had bought me everything I'd owned, so this wasn't really an intrusive thing. My mom has found gay porn in my room, but I'm 100% sure she was in denial up until the point she found out I was dating my boyfriend.

She told my dad and then my dad came up screaming at me, suddenly mentioning he practiced two religions that shamed being gay (we had only ever practiced one of these religions up until this point). My mom then tried to convince me that "my boyfriend isn't the man for me" (but this conversation had an undertone that you don't know you're gay). I was adamant I was not going "to change" and left. Didn't speak to my parents, or any of my family for that matter, for 8 years and then, after they reached out to me a million times and I ignored them.

I finally reached out to my parents to reconcile after my husband had been trying to convince me to try and talk to them for years. They still had in their head that I was the one that left, and was choosing to be gay. I quickly reminded that that that was not what was happening. They then wondered if I needed money (I didn't), so after the dust settled and they figured out I was just reaching out to reconnect with them.

My half-siblings, who were up until I was out, pretty close with me, still are not accepting of my orientation. Luckily, I spent those 8 years pretty much building myself up to be able to speak up for myself. So, as this point, I'm up front. I'm gay, I'm married, I have in-laws who are extremely loving (I know I'm blessed, and many are not), so decide if you want to be close to me or not, and we'll move on.
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« Reply #18 on: March 27, 2020, 08:25:59 pm »

It was many years ago that my mom forced-asked me if I were gay, because she "heard" from someone that I was meeting men for sex.
I denied it it first but she persisted, she wouldn't let go and after I shut myself in my room she began slamming on the door forcing me to tell her the truth. and the reaction was mostly denial. She said to me "I need to be emotionally ready for this"  It left an emotional scar to this day. I haven't had sex for 2 years after this incident with my mom.
To this day, in this particular matter, I haven't forgave her. and to this day she's in denial that I would marry a woman.
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« Reply #19 on: May 28, 2020, 01:52:46 am »

This is a late late answer(lol) but for future visitor:

If you want to come out to your parents you really need to be fully prepare for the worst. Make sure you can sustain yourself, get a job, a place to life(preferably somewhere a far from your parents), some savings, etc. This way when they(God forbid) disown you, you can take care of yourself.

Coming out can be a bitch when they won't accept you, but it will set you free.
I wish you good luck mate

I second this.  Coming out adds to your independence, and makes you more of an adult.  Which means you have to be prepared for the answer.  It is unfortunate you feel like you need to question how your parents will react, I hope that if you did come out that they accepted and supported you for you to be yourself.

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