An Emotionally Distant Guy
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« on: September 17, 2017, 06:38:47 am »

My current partner is emotionally distant. He doesn't share his Instagram with me, he hides his phone from me, and he seems rather quiet. He doesn't want to meet more than once a week, and he admitted to me that in the past, his ex had been physically/emotionally abusive which explains why he's hesitant to trust easily.

What should I do about this situation? I like him a lot, but I don't like how insecure and "clingy" he makes me feel. How do you guys deal with emotionally distant/emotionally unavailable guys?
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« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2017, 12:56:24 am »

My current partner is emotionally distant. He doesn't share his Instagram with me, he hides his phone from me, and he seems rather quiet. He doesn't want to meet more than once a week, and he admitted to me that in the past, his ex had been physically/emotionally abusive which explains why he's hesitant to trust easily.

What should I do about this situation? I like him a lot, but I don't like how insecure and "clingy" he makes me feel. How do you guys deal with emotionally distant/emotionally unavailable guys?

You should gradually earn/build back his trust..

 Tongue


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« Reply #2 on: September 21, 2017, 02:09:35 pm »

I had the similar experience but on the opposite side.
You should gradually earn/build back his trust..
True, but actualy you shouldn't do anything for make him trust you, because it can be not really sincrete, it can be harmful. Just be yourself, just tell him the truth. It's important not to make things worse, so honesty is the best policy. Probably he's trying to trust you, he needs time for this.
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« Reply #3 on: September 22, 2017, 03:57:14 pm »

You should gradually earn/build back his trust..

How? Sounds easier said than done.

I had the similar experience but on the opposite side.
True, but actualy you shouldn't do anything for make him trust you, because it can be not really sincrete, it can be harmful. Just be yourself, just tell him the truth. It's important not to make things worse, so honesty is the best policy. Probably he's trying to trust you, he needs time for this.

Time? Does that mean that I shouldn't text him super-regularly and should give him some more space? I don't want scare him away by saying "hey, I like you". Especially because he told me that I shouldn't get too close him because his feelings can be fickle and because he prefers to be distant in order to avoid getting tied down and/or hurt. What a quandary, tbh.
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« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2017, 01:56:52 am »

It's okay to be a little distant at first. But please.
I had a similar problem. My ex's ex was a stalker and I was getting shit from it. I just wanted to have answers like "when you will call?" or "when can you give me this info?" and he would consider it being pushy, stalking and even abusing. I don't know how long and how close you and your partner are but please. If it makes you insecure... just stop. The point that he's making - that he had an abusive ex, doesn't really excuse him from being an asshole. And I think he is one if he makes you feel liek that. And I know you will deny it : ) I would do it too and stand in his defence, but let's face it. Ask yourself some real questions and be 100% honest with yourself, and if you really will be you will see I am right. Why would you be the one to lick his ass and earn his trust ? Did you do something to lose it ? Did you ? You will live like that with him for what period ? Always treating like an egg and trying not to cross the line. You want to continue a relationship as fragile as that? He will not break up with you cause he knows no one else will put up with a bullshit like that. But it's your life, I'm just advising as an older fella with probably much more experience in this field.
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« Reply #5 on: September 23, 2017, 05:10:02 am »

It's okay to be a little distant at first. But please.
I had a similar problem. My ex's ex was a stalker and I was getting shit from it. I just wanted to have answers like "when you will call?" or "when can you give me this info?" and he would consider it being pushy, stalking and even abusing. I don't know how long and how close you and your partner are but please. If it makes you insecure... just stop. The point that he's making - that he had an abusive ex, doesn't really excuse him from being an asshole. And I think he is one if he makes you feel liek that. And I know you will deny it : ) I would do it too and stand in his defence, but let's face it. Ask yourself some real questions and be 100% honest with yourself, and if you really will be you will see I am right. Why would you be the one to lick his ass and earn his trust ? Did you do something to lose it ? Did you ? You will live like that with him for what period ? Always treating like an egg and trying not to cross the line. You want to continue a relationship as fragile as that? He will not break up with you cause he knows no one else will put up with a bullshit like that. But it's your life, I'm just advising as an older fella with probably much more experience in this field.

What should I do, then? Drop him?
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« Reply #6 on: September 23, 2017, 12:37:54 pm »

Noo...
I don't know what stage you guys are, you didn't say if it's a 2 month relationship or more like 2 years. I would be up for "make a serious conversation". Like really schedule it maybe say there is something you want to talk about and you will appreciate if he finds some time for you to make it happen give yourself some time like 2 or 3 hours maybe and just sit down maybe have a dinner or wine (a little alcohol would be great to let both of you open up more). I know it's stressing having such big talks but it is necessary for you to feel good in a relationship right?
Plan what you wanna say. Take a paper and a pen and write down in points things that you want to talk about or that doesn't make you feel good and what you would expect. See that list everyday for a week or so and each time think if there's something more you want to add or remove from it. Once some time passes and you will be sure what you wanna say, try to say it. But don't bring it up when the conversation is on because if you will talk with him in "points" like you totally planned every single word you say he might feel a little bit cheated cause he was unprepared for the chat. The good side of it is, if he is unprepared he won't make excuses but maybe say what he really things. Just be open not acusing and give him some empathy but at the same time stand your ground and don't let him mislead you and continue things the way they are. Just a serious talk between two guys in a relationship. Everyone has to do it, it's essential for a relationship to work and for both sides to feel good and know what to expect of each other. Then after you talk just think about results. Don't know if you talked with him, but you probably didn't have that much of a big talk since you're writing it here and ask us for advice. If he still doesn't care - you have your answer.
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« Reply #7 on: September 23, 2017, 02:42:42 pm »

The point that he's making - that he had an abusive ex, doesn't really excuse him from being an asshole.
Agreed.
And I agree with Warpaint about "serious conversation".
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« Reply #8 on: September 30, 2017, 06:00:18 pm »

The point that he's making - that he had an abusive ex, doesn't really excuse him from being an asshole.
Agreed.
And I agree with Warpaint about "serious conversation".

++1..

 angel

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