My parents, they will never be able to understand. What should I do?
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« on: September 26, 2017, 01:00:56 pm »

Hi guys, what should I do?
I'm 27. My parents 60+. I realyze I want to tell them who I am. They are homophobic, not really but they will never be able to understand, I think. My mother said "Gays need to be healed, they are sick people", my father just don't like it, he can't even understand a travesty in the theater.
My brother is dead, so I am one child in the family.
It would be good if someone could share experience.

« Last Edit: September 26, 2017, 02:56:58 pm by (Hidden) » Logged


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« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2017, 01:37:08 pm »

Why do you want to tell them? I think your reason should be your guide.   
   
Since you're 27 I assume you're not (financially) dependent on them. If you were, I'd advise against telling them. If you think they'll disinherit some vast sum that you need, I'd also avoid telling them. 

If you're trying to build a closer relationship, you might have to take the risk.

There are lots of other scenarios, in each one you risk or gain something, so it's up to you to decide if the gamble is worth it. In my experience though, moms always know. They may not admit it but it's rare to hear about a mom who didn't at some time already suspect. If and when you do decide to, start with the parent you think will be most understanding.
 
 poor thing      Hug
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« Reply #2 on: September 26, 2017, 04:59:41 pm »

I know it's hard but, at the end of the day, it is your life and they will just have to take it or leave it. Tell them. You choose the right moment. They might not understand it but they will still love you.
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« Reply #3 on: September 27, 2017, 03:39:27 pm »

Thank you guys. Guys, I'm really afraid this news can destroy them. My mother is a nervous person, it's always provokes severe headache. My father had a problems with alcohol years ago. I really love them. I don't want to hurt them.
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« Reply #4 on: September 27, 2017, 03:59:01 pm »

Thank you guys. Guys, I'm really afraid this news can destroy them. My mother is a nervous person, it's always provokes severe headache. My father had a problems with alcohol years ago. I really love them. I don't want to hurt them.

You didn't explain why you want to tell them. 

One thing I forgot to add in is culture. If your from the US or Western Europe they'll have a support system like PFLAG available to them. Not so in other parts of the world.

A way to think about coming out:

First we come out to ourselves.
Then either our family and friends and then our community, or vice versa.

You've already come out to yourself. If you can't come out to your family and/or friends then make a new family and friends in your community. Get involved. If there's an LGBT center near where you are and call them to get information on activities, social clubs, etc. so that you can be apart of something else. Even being active on a forum like this is a good start.

 Hug
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« Reply #5 on: September 27, 2017, 05:14:30 pm »

I just feel I want to come out. I just want to tell them, I just feel sick by this closet. My friends know. Feels just like my parents not part of my life.
« Last Edit: September 27, 2017, 07:44:15 pm by (Hidden) » Logged
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« Reply #6 on: September 27, 2017, 07:38:42 pm »

I know it's hard but, at the end of the day, it is your life and they will just have to take it or leave it. Tell them. You choose the right moment. They might not understand it but they will still love you.
Why is this the right moment?
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« Reply #7 on: October 05, 2017, 06:51:16 am »

I know it's hard but, at the end of the day, it is your life and they will just have to take it or leave it. Tell them. You choose the right moment. They might not understand it but they will still love you.
Why is this the right moment?

Is it?

 angel


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