Do you ever feel incapable of love/unlovable?
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Author Topic: Do you ever feel incapable of love/unlovable?  (Read 122 times)
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« on: November 04, 2017, 01:46:13 pm »

I'm not really a very social person, I like people, but from a distance. I have a lot of acquaintances, but few real friends. Often I feel kind of socially awkward never really knowing what to say or how to keep a conversation going. At the same time, I feel like I'm a really good listener. I've been on my own for so long though that I'm not really sure If I want to be in or could honestly handle a relationship with someone else. I really got to thinking about this the other day when some of the girls at work were talking about living vicariously through me. I just laughed and then started thinking about the fact that I've been on my own for so long that I wouldn't even know what to do with a relationship at this point. You kind of get use to being on your own and self sufficient after a while. I'm pretty hard on myself though, and I honestly don't really even try to find a relationship anymore. I really do wonder sometimes if I'm able to love the way that I should, or if I should just accept the fact that maybe I was meant to be alone. It's not that I don't want to love/be loved, I'm just really not sure that it's in the cards for me. I was just wondering if that's just me being me I guess. I can't be the only person that feels this way and has these questions right?
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« Reply #1 on: November 04, 2017, 05:25:33 pm »

your thought are too complicated. it’s not easy to make you clear or never been done.  Evil

if you feel lonely means you need someone’s care. you need someone make you safety. i don’t think a friend can help you, you need a partner who really care about you. otherwise you lives well alone.

if you get older your body will become weaker, you need a person help you to call an  ambulance and take care of you till get well. Not to starve on the bed. live together have this kind of responsibility.

i’m not the right person to give you such advices. i love my brother, but we don’t live together, each of us may have our family and children, that sounds weird i really love him, love a person don’t mean you need live with him, love is an emotion can’t be controlled by yourself. so one day you meet your love, you will feel that and not doubt anymore.
« Last Edit: November 04, 2017, 05:39:45 pm by (Hidden) » Logged
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« Reply #2 on: November 05, 2017, 02:42:03 pm »

Thanks for responding Grin I guess I just worry about being too set in my ways sometimes. For the most part being alone doesn't bother me too much and I'm ok with it, but every once in a while something will make me wish I wasn't always on my own.
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« Reply #3 on: November 15, 2017, 12:03:47 pm »

I am going through the same, right now & have been for awhile now too. The one thing I can tell you is that the longer you are alone the more you get too used to it. That isn't always a good thing. I am 43 years old.. so I kinda feel like I let a lot pass me by etc etc

I had my fair share of friends/acquaintances, I was an outgoing guy & all that but as time went on I realised that they were not my true friends & that i didn't fit in.. not sure if that was on me or them or both, so I am now alone. Personally, I get twinges of loneliness but mostly it is just my life and I am ok with that.

My situation may be different to yours.. I suffer anxiety/panic attacks etc and that made me retreat from family, friends,  social media & even from the forums here sometimes. I went as far as to delete myself off the net (only picture you will ever see of me on the net is the close up under my name here.. crazy huh?)

I took the easy way out - instead of dealing I just ran away from it all... if you can, i'd say try not to take it that far.. take some chances.. think about the kind of socialising etc you want to and go out there and do it!

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All the world is waiting for you and the power you possess
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« Reply #4 on: November 15, 2017, 05:07:06 pm »

Dene, That's the direction that I have been going it seems. It's not that I don't love my family but I too experience anxiety issues. I have trouble speaking in large groups of people. I feel myself pulling away from my family, I hardly ever talk to most of them anymore. I don't really go out of my way to talk to most of my friends. I have about three close friends right now that I don't talk to or see as much as I should. I ended up deleting my facebook, I kept seeing things that I didn't particularly care to on it and I never really used it to keep in touch with anyone anyway so it was actually pretty easy to let go of social media for me. I do feel like the few friends that I still have are true friends luckily. I'm 35 now and usually content with the way things are, but sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be. I'm really not sure if I could be in a relationship anymore. I've been on my own for what seems like forever, and probably will continue to be. I don't really have the highest self esteem which doesn't help matters...Thanks for replying and sharing more about yourself. I feel like we are in similar places in our lives right now.
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« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2017, 12:58:24 am »

I don't know if this helps but.... if you tried to get more social (which led to more friends and the possibility of a relationship) and that didn't work out then the worst that could happen is you'd be on your own just as you are now.  So there's nothing to lose.
I hope it works out for you.




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« Reply #6 on: November 20, 2017, 03:41:38 pm »

Thanks for the advice ab, I am slowly trying to make myself be a little more social, it's easy for me to say though, not always so easy to do. I wasn't always antisocial, I think it happened gradually and I didn't even really notice until I had 3 friends that I still hang out with occasionally...
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« Reply #7 on: November 20, 2017, 06:15:30 pm »

Hi, I have the same problem, i am 22, i dont think i am guy for love, and i am definitely unlovable , i have only few friends, and most of my friends are from games i play, my social life is nearly zero, never going to pubs because i cant drink anyway - light weight, so there are days where i will not say a word:/ tried to get on sexual scene on few webs to lost my virginity, one guy said i am not writing to him enough after one meeting, and i was like - but you didnt write too, and i am still student, i was away for two months, why you didnt writed? there was another sex date in few days, but i posted him i am nervous about him, that there is a lot of creeps, and he said that i am dangerous to myself... after that i deleted my account and... i think i am not for love or even sex, i am only that little guy who likes games and is for laugh, because i keep to small groups, i dont like new people, i am sometimes afraid what to say to keep the conservation going... so, dont worry, there are people like you too.
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