Do you ever feel incapable of love/unlovable?
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Author Topic: Do you ever feel incapable of love/unlovable?  (Read 1797 times)
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« on: November 04, 2017, 01:46:13 pm »

I'm not really a very social person, I like people, but from a distance. I have a lot of acquaintances, but few real friends. Often I feel kind of socially awkward never really knowing what to say or how to keep a conversation going. At the same time, I feel like I'm a really good listener. I've been on my own for so long though that I'm not really sure If I want to be in or could honestly handle a relationship with someone else. I really got to thinking about this the other day when some of the girls at work were talking about living vicariously through me. I just laughed and then started thinking about the fact that I've been on my own for so long that I wouldn't even know what to do with a relationship at this point. You kind of get use to being on your own and self sufficient after a while. I'm pretty hard on myself though, and I honestly don't really even try to find a relationship anymore. I really do wonder sometimes if I'm able to love the way that I should, or if I should just accept the fact that maybe I was meant to be alone. It's not that I don't want to love/be loved, I'm just really not sure that it's in the cards for me. I was just wondering if that's just me being me I guess. I can't be the only person that feels this way and has these questions right?
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« Reply #1 on: November 04, 2017, 05:25:33 pm »

your thought are too complicated. it’s not easy to make you clear or never been done.  Evil

if you feel lonely means you need someone’s care. you need someone make you safety. i don’t think a friend can help you, you need a partner who really care about you. otherwise you lives well alone.

if you get older your body will become weaker, you need a person help you to call an  ambulance and take care of you till get well. Not to starve on the bed. live together have this kind of responsibility.

i’m not the right person to give you such advices. i love my brother, but we don’t live together, each of us may have our family and children, that sounds weird i really love him, love a person don’t mean you need live with him, love is an emotion can’t be controlled by yourself. so one day you meet your love, you will feel that and not doubt anymore.
« Last Edit: November 04, 2017, 05:39:45 pm by (Hidden) » Logged
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« Reply #2 on: November 05, 2017, 02:42:03 pm »

Thanks for responding Grin I guess I just worry about being too set in my ways sometimes. For the most part being alone doesn't bother me too much and I'm ok with it, but every once in a while something will make me wish I wasn't always on my own.
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« Reply #3 on: November 15, 2017, 12:03:47 pm »

I am going through the same, right now & have been for awhile now too. The one thing I can tell you is that the longer you are alone the more you get too used to it. That isn't always a good thing. I am 43 years old.. so I kinda feel like I let a lot pass me by etc etc

I had my fair share of friends/acquaintances, I was an outgoing guy & all that but as time went on I realised that they were not my true friends & that i didn't fit in.. not sure if that was on me or them or both, so I am now alone. Personally, I get twinges of loneliness but mostly it is just my life and I am ok with that.

My situation may be different to yours.. I suffer anxiety/panic attacks etc and that made me retreat from family, friends,  social media & even from the forums here sometimes. I went as far as to delete myself off the net (only picture you will ever see of me on the net is the close up under my name here.. crazy huh?)

I took the easy way out - instead of dealing I just ran away from it all... if you can, i'd say try not to take it that far.. take some chances.. think about the kind of socialising etc you want to and go out there and do it!

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All the world is waiting for you and the power you possess
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« Reply #4 on: November 15, 2017, 05:07:06 pm »

Dene, That's the direction that I have been going it seems. It's not that I don't love my family but I too experience anxiety issues. I have trouble speaking in large groups of people. I feel myself pulling away from my family, I hardly ever talk to most of them anymore. I don't really go out of my way to talk to most of my friends. I have about three close friends right now that I don't talk to or see as much as I should. I ended up deleting my facebook, I kept seeing things that I didn't particularly care to on it and I never really used it to keep in touch with anyone anyway so it was actually pretty easy to let go of social media for me. I do feel like the few friends that I still have are true friends luckily. I'm 35 now and usually content with the way things are, but sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be. I'm really not sure if I could be in a relationship anymore. I've been on my own for what seems like forever, and probably will continue to be. I don't really have the highest self esteem which doesn't help matters...Thanks for replying and sharing more about yourself. I feel like we are in similar places in our lives right now.
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« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2017, 12:58:24 am »

I don't know if this helps but.... if you tried to get more social (which led to more friends and the possibility of a relationship) and that didn't work out then the worst that could happen is you'd be on your own just as you are now.  So there's nothing to lose.
I hope it works out for you.




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« Reply #6 on: November 20, 2017, 03:41:38 pm »

Thanks for the advice ab, I am slowly trying to make myself be a little more social, it's easy for me to say though, not always so easy to do. I wasn't always antisocial, I think it happened gradually and I didn't even really notice until I had 3 friends that I still hang out with occasionally...
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« Reply #7 on: November 20, 2017, 06:15:30 pm »

Hi, I have the same problem, i am 22, i dont think i am guy for love, and i am definitely unlovable , i have only few friends, and most of my friends are from games i play, my social life is nearly zero, never going to pubs because i cant drink anyway - light weight, so there are days where i will not say a word:/ tried to get on sexual scene on few webs to lost my virginity, one guy said i am not writing to him enough after one meeting, and i was like - but you didnt write too, and i am still student, i was away for two months, why you didnt writed? there was another sex date in few days, but i posted him i am nervous about him, that there is a lot of creeps, and he said that i am dangerous to myself... after that i deleted my account and... i think i am not for love or even sex, i am only that little guy who likes games and is for laugh, because i keep to small groups, i dont like new people, i am sometimes afraid what to say to keep the conservation going... so, dont worry, there are people like you too.
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« Reply #8 on: November 30, 2017, 04:28:35 pm »

My road from feeling self-sufficient to seeing the good stuff of an intimate relationship started by realising that it is kind of better and more rewarding to let some of your needs be fulfilled by someone else (not talking about sex - you only need a one-night-stand for that). Or even acquire new needs solely to experience that almost symbiotic thing we call a relationship.
For instance the healthy dose of the need to be reassured that you are wanted by someone else.
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« Reply #9 on: December 02, 2017, 10:29:26 pm »

You're not alone.

As for my personal situation, I rarely go out to social gathers and tend to avoid places with lots of people. I was fortunate enough to find someone that understands my personality and we both realize that we will never "love" each other like the movies like to show off. We're both loners with few friends and we mostly just keep each other from getting too lonely.

Before the relationship I was much of the same, just alone and was fine with that. Besides brief sexual encounters I never really cared to know someone or put much effort into getting to know others. All I can say is that if you are satisfied with your situation, then there is nothing wrong with it.
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« Reply #10 on: December 03, 2017, 12:32:01 am »

I'm not really a very social person, I like people, but from a distance. I have a lot of acquaintances, but few real friends. Often I feel kind of socially awkward never really knowing what to say or how to keep a conversation going. At the same time, I feel like I'm a really good listener. I've been on my own for so long though that I'm not really sure If I want to be in or could honestly handle a relationship with someone else. I really got to thinking about this the other day when some of the girls at work were talking about living vicariously through me. I just laughed and then started thinking about the fact that I've been on my own for so long that I wouldn't even know what to do with a relationship at this point. You kind of get use to being on your own and self sufficient after a while. I'm pretty hard on myself though, and I honestly don't really even try to find a relationship anymore. I really do wonder sometimes if I'm able to love the way that I should, or if I should just accept the fact that maybe I was meant to be alone. It's not that I don't want to love/be loved, I'm just really not sure that it's in the cards for me. I was just wondering if that's just me being me I guess. I can't be the only person that feels this way and has these questions right?

You could not describe me any better!
i feel the same!
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« Reply #11 on: December 07, 2017, 02:21:06 pm »

Thanks for sharing all of your view points and situations. It really is greatly appreciated and nice to have people that can actually relate to my situations. I knew that it couldn't just be me and it's nice to have people relate their own experiences and thoughts. For some reason I can converse with people a lot better online than I can in person. I can open up more and just be myself on here. This really is a great online community that we have here and I'm so glad that I found it years ago. When I feel like I need to talk to people your always here for me. I love you guys and I hope that you all have an amazing day Smiley
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« Reply #12 on: December 07, 2017, 11:06:35 pm »

I was exactly like that up until 4-5 years ago. Sex helped me start to get social. It was my first chance at meeting people.
I dont know how it is for you, but for me it was (and I still carry that till today a bit) the thought that I wasnt interesting enough that made me shy away from social interactions of any kind. Slowly but surely I realised that I am definitely not less interesting or fun than most other people.
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« Reply #13 on: December 08, 2017, 02:28:47 am »

I think that everyone has moments, days or periods when they feel like this.  hugging Hug
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« Reply #14 on: December 09, 2017, 10:12:32 am »

I was exactly like that up until 4-5 years ago. Sex helped me start to get social. It was my first chance at meeting people.
I dont know how it is for you, but for me it was (and I still carry that till today a bit) the thought that I wasnt interesting enough that made me shy away from social interactions of any kind. Slowly but surely I realised that I am definitely not less interesting or fun than most other people.

Sex won't really be very much help for me. I don't really date or have random sex either. The opportunity really doesn't present it's self, not that I actively look very often, I guess the best way to describe me is uncomfortable with myself as a whole. I don't really see myself as attractive. I tried to update my profile pic but it didn't work for some reason, my pic is getting a little outdated now and I have changed some, but even then I wasn't happy with myself. I guess you could chalk it up to poor life choices on my part. I've made my fair share of bad decisions in my 35 years, and I pay the price for them every day. I don't really see me getting into a sexual relationship anytime soon. I just look in the mirror and think, well, I wouldn't want me so why would someone else. I am glad to hear that it worked for you though. Some say that the right person is out there for everyone, but for me, I just see my hand in my future  Wink
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« Reply #15 on: December 09, 2017, 11:07:54 am »

Looking at your current avatar, I dont know what you're referring to.
But I used to think that too. I didnt consider myself attractive enough. But the drive to have sex just won over. Mind you, I'm not capable of flirting, so I just used hook up sites and apps.
It doesnt matter though. Even us average looking folks can have sex! Tongue
And before you know it, I had a 4 year long relationship. Why not you?
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« Reply #16 on: March 16, 2018, 12:26:45 pm »

I do sometimes.

Maybe because I'm a feminine black man, and I am attracted to more bigger and masculine men, and I feel like I can't he happy and get what I want.
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« Reply #17 on: March 21, 2018, 03:22:01 am »

I use to be the same way.. HATED going out HATED most people ... disguised by the gay community and its standards for beauty and attractivness.. I hated myself really is what it was... had a boyfriend for the frist time it didnt go well, ended up not wanting to be around him.. and resenting him for wasting my time.. lol - but i REALLY didnt love myself.. after college I made it a goal to find things about my personality, body, desires, interests that i rly liked.. even if it felt like i was lying to myself i did it anyway.. and kind of thought of it as "these are things i would like to love about myself" and just be honest with yourself, dont compare yourself to people. everyones different and have different journies. Also everyones attractive to SOMEBODY, and everyones deserving of love and acceptance, if not from other people atleast from yourself  hugging hugging hugging hugging with love

hope this helps a little !
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