Love of my life left me.. Need advice
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« on: November 17, 2017, 11:01:43 am »

 blow nose blow nose
So for years I searched for the perfect guy. And finally I found one.. Almost all our interests are the same, both of us are each other's type,  and while we do live in different town, thats just a cheap 1,5h bustrip. We've been together for over a year, and shared many happy moments, until yesterday..

So for the last 2 months, my bf started to get a bit distant and "too busy" (even though I knew he wasnt..). And that led me to be more clingy, even somewhat manipulative. And i just kept getting left on read.. And for example, I got offered a research interview in his town, so I offered him times in December when i could visit for both that interview and him. He got angry at me for "trying to force his hand by agreeing to some interview".

The air started to get tense, until last week when I finally snapped out of it after talking to a friend, and realized how I behaved was wrong and annoying. So I wrote him an apology, and asked that we leave the drama as water under the bridge. He told me he will give me the answer in a few days as he is currently working on school stuff.

And so came yesterday, after those "few days". He asked me if i had any exams or such coming up, to which i said no. He said it was good. And that we should break up. The reason? He cant "trust" me anymore, and just wants to be alone. So here i was, ready to start building a better future again, and he decides to break it up completely... What followed was an emotional rollercoaster where i just broke more and more down into desperation, while he remained adamant and cold. "Begging wont do you any good. It's over."... And eventually he blocked me everywhere, like facebook,  even game applications... And ended with "It will help you get over me. I hope you find happiness and have a successful life. Goodbye". And blocked me on whatsapp...

I'm just...so lost..
I told him that the reason i wanted to meet him so badly recently was because i wanted to tell him i loved him, but it seems that ironically, my love cost me my love. During the discussion, i also asked if my love for him was so bad. "It isn't. I just cant trust you anymore. I bet after this, youll still try to catfish me and such.". "What we had were just moments of happiness."

I'm so heartbroken.. For a long time he filled my head with hopes and dreams of a happy future spent together and now..he didnt accept my apology and instead shattered me, leaving me as a mess..


What do i do?
 I tried doing all sorts of activities and things to get my mind off of it, i cried to my friends, i even came out to my parents because i just couldnt hold it in and they realized something was wrong.

I want him back........I need him back... I cant sleep at night, i feel restless during the day..  blow nose

Could there be hope?..

And dont say that there are more fish out there in the sea.. Because ive already seen those fish..And this was The catch.
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« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2017, 08:35:46 pm »

I'm sorry that it didn't work between the two of you. Sending you a hug.

Allow yourself to wallow in it for a while; listen to Adele or whatever, eat chocolate, etc. Before -- eventually, sometime in the future -- picking yourself up again.

I truly believe that the myth of "The One" is exactly that... a myth. Finding love is hard, believe me, I know... but not only are there other people out there that are right for you and you for them; but none of them will be 100% right for you, and vice versa. We all are human beings with many layers, needs, faults, and strengths. Simplistic fairy tale thinking will not help you.

And I know you're heartbroken right now, and that's ok. But once you're on solid ground again, maybe think about some of the "manipulative" things you did... and resolve to not act like that anymore in the future? Become a better version of yourself!

Now... break-ups are tragic and all, but let's talk about what really matters here: Congratulations for coming out to your parents! This is huge! I hope they took it well. This is so much more important than some boy (even a very nice one.) All the best moving forward!
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« Reply #2 on: November 18, 2017, 01:07:56 am »

Hi Wolfyboy00 - I really feel for you.  Can you remember back to the days before you first met that guy ?  Can you remember fun things you did before you knew him like Sport or Music or other friends ?  If you can re-ignite your interests from those days it may help with what your feeling now because time WILL heal your pain.  I hope you remember that the things that made you attractive in the first place STILL make you attractive !  I hope you recover quickly and find someone you deserves you, and you'll be all the more stronger and wiser from what you've learned about yourself from that horrible experience.   
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« Reply #3 on: November 25, 2017, 06:19:38 pm »

I think the best thing to do (although it cant be achieved overnight) is to stop thinking that there is something wrong with you that cant be fixed. You made mistakes. Hopefully going through this relationship and the break up will help you deal with them and move on to a new one where you wont make them again.
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« Reply #4 on: November 25, 2017, 06:52:16 pm »

Wolfyboy - I am sorry to hear the pain you are going through.

My advice to you is to allow yourself to mourn and to feel this pain. We have all been there. You will have a few nights crying into your pillow and that's ok.

In the meantime keep finding those activities to keep you busy. Keep talking to your friends. Lean on your parents. (Congrats on coming out, btw! I do hope they are being supportive to you)

There will be a day, I promise, where you are over this boy. In fact there will be a day when you have found your true soulmate. This was just a bump in the road.

Sending you virtual hugs hugging
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« Reply #5 on: December 08, 2017, 02:17:01 am »

I'm not really sure why you think that you did something wrong. I think that he was just looking for the perfect excuse to breakup.  Roll Eyes Spend time with people that you trust and let it all out, talk about your experience and then start distancing yourself from him completely. Out of sight, out of mind.
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« Reply #6 on: December 09, 2017, 09:27:53 pm »

Its hard, there is no easier way out, but you should learn to accept that it was never meant to be. May be there was someone coming along the way but crying over someone who clearly doesnt want you anymore is bad. Develop a self worth and understand that eventhough you made mistakes you still deserve the very best. NO one who pushes you out at your worse deserve you at your best. You are probably better off without eachothe, it might be difficult now but take some time off relationship, give it another try and then when that ONE comes, you will be grateful you once loved and lost.
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« Reply #7 on: December 10, 2017, 04:15:01 pm »

I tried doing all sorts of activities and things to get my mind off of it, i cried to my friends, i even came out to my parents because i just couldnt hold it in and they realized something was wrong.

What I will say is that no matter how great he is, you deserve to be happy, and frankly, the fact that he was acting "distant" indicates to me that he wasn't treating you with the respect that you absolutely deserve. His loss, tbh, and you are a great catch.
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« Reply #8 on: Yesterday at 12:38:32 pm »

That sucks. I get it. It seems to me like you both saw the relationship differently. No matter how perfect he might be, if he didn't like the relationship, it's over. Mourn the loss and get better, because becoming more obsessed will only push him further and hurt you in the process. It's better to see that someone is not for you sooner than later. I also think it's natural for us to get lost in a hopeful dreamy future. But I think it's a good idea to keep ourselves in check about the reality of our relationships. Sometimes our desire to love someone is projected on someone who has nothing to do with that love, which might feel weird for some people. I think some people might perceive an affection that isn't in sync with the relationship as unbalanced and might scare them away. Being closer to the reality of our relationships is pragmatic, you can build a better organic relationship, don't scare people away and don't hurt yourself in the process. I understand that this isn't a come cry on my shoulders type of comment, but I really do get it and hope you feel better soon and learn from the process.   
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