End of my sexual life before it even started

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need to vent little
i am gay, not really looking for hard relationship, more like person for fucking?? i am shy, so internet is best for me, working on chatting before doing the deed, said i am little nervous about meeting him - there is a lot creeps, he said i am dangerous, for myself... what the..... after that throwing away all dating or f...... because i am so nervous everytime and nobody like cowards,or whatever, will be virgin forever, was thinking anyway that this sex thingy isnt for me..... how it is called? asexual? - like i like mens, would do them, read gay ships and love them, but not seeking sex even when i am thinking i would definitely loved him in bed....
So my sexual life were 4? people, one i never met because he lied, one i met and sucked him, after two months no contact from both ways - because he had problem with back and i didnt want him to feel that he need to have sex with me, so i waited for him - he texted that it looks like i dont want him... i wanted to be nice...., third was someone i know, but he like different type of guys then me,  and last said that i am dangerous for myself for thinking i need to be carefull about meeting people...
so leaving sexual side of life... it looks like forever right hand for me:(


edit - it wasnt even one hour and alreaddy thinking to get back to that website... i am so horny or desperate to have finally sex:/? i am so sorry excuse for life

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We were all there, you don't have to apologize.

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Don't feel bad about anything.  I see that you are from Belgium. I find it hard to believe that you cannot find someone there.
I am from Romania, and even here where it is really frowned upon to be gay, I managed to meet quite a few people . Keep your chin up. 

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hi, not really belgium, - czech republic, when i was making this account i was paranoid:D i am confused about my sexuality, from young age i always looked at gay porns, cocks and etc. but when i met first guy i didnt get hard,and with second guy only semi hard, am i too much focused at getting hard so i am not? or i simply dont like sex? but i am watching so much porn... maybe i prefer only my hand...?

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Watching porn is easier than the effort to make friends, or sex partners, or life partners.

From your own description, it sounds like you would benefit from putting a "daily time limit" on downloading and/or watching porn.

Then, use the time you save for SOCIAL activities.  Good luck in the New Year!!!

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well i have some sort of obsessive compulsive behavior...

when i do something, i do something alot till i burn and i lose interest...

happened with sex... (even 3 times a day with 3 different guys... morning, afternoon, night)

after about 10 years on having alot of sex, and doing hardcore stuff (bondage, electro stim)
i just simply lost interest in doing it with real people... i feel it is a drag

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the fact about people being males, but sex not always being easy, and people disappearing, not calling you... is quite normal and happens to everyone...

15 years ago i was worried it was my fault, that i was flawed and broken... but it just happens to everyone.

here is 1 story:
years ago i meet this guy at his home, i am not self confident so i get some cialis (it made my cock go hard in few seconds from soft just from watching it... and no matter how many time i came... it went up almost immediately just by touching it...)

me being a 25yo top i give him 35-40yo the ride of his life... *cough cough* ok now i am being just a bit too arrogant, lets just say i gave him a very good ride... and he called me his "young stallion"

do you think he bothered to call me back, to be his fuck buddy ?
of course not... and i was thinking it was my fault at that time, that i wasn't enough...

months later... i am at the home of 1 of my friends, who knows this guy... as they lived in the same small town during childhood... they chat using the computer... i am helping him mounting a furniture while he calls me...

here is what happened: they were boasting the good sex encounter they had, and that guy talked about a very good sex encounter he had... with a young stallion, and described me... since my friend knows the story of my life, he found out it was me... my friend gave the guy my profile link to be sure it was me... and it was really me... i was described as a young stallion who gave him 1 of the best rides of his life...

then why he didn't call me back ? why he didn't want to be my fuck buddy... i always put myself down my whole life... i thought i wasn't enough...
i also, in the end, ended up using sex enhancing drugs i didn't need... since i was feeling i wasn't enough...

and then... it ends up... people are just lazy and easily bored, and would rather not give a fuck... and just swipe at a new encounter secretly hoping it would be better than the previous ones... why bother with 1 person only... when you got a virtually infinite amount of males on apps these days ? (it was gayromeo/gaydar 7 years ago)

guess what... that night, when i came back home... i received a message from this guy... (to which i didn't reply and just deleted it)
do you think he was really interested in meeting me ?
nope... and not because i am worthless...
but simply because he had full balls and wanted to unload them with the first random person he could meet...
i was just 1 random dude from a bunch to which he probably sent the same identical message.
i realized this thing when i was 26yo

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perhaps go to asia where people are more accepting of you..

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You tried with 4-5 guys and you call it quits?

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You seem kind of paranoid. But considering where you are? it may be justified.
What you are experiencing is normal for everyone, regardless of orientation.
Think about what is going through your mind at the time of having sex? If its any worries or anything other than sex with the person in front of you? Then you are just doing it wrong.
Sex is 90% in the brain and mind. If your mind is preoccupied by fear, anxiety or a host of other emotions. Things just don't work well.
I was somewhat like this when I was younger. Eventually, I found that I needed some bonding to enable sex. Just a little conversation and that was all I needed. Bond made and dick worked fine. But just throw me into a room with a hot stranger/ Something just didn't click and the dick didn't work right.
Some people are the exact opposite. They only respond to quick sex with no connection at all. Talk and strike up a conversation and they can't perform.
Sexuality is weird.