Aggressiveness in a relationship
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« on: December 04, 2017, 12:21:25 am »

A couple weeks ago I ended a pretty damaging relationship that involved some violent outbursts towards me. It wasnt a full on fists fighting, but it did entail a lot of pushing, yanking, almost wrestling on the ground, pinning against the wall etc for the most ridiculous of excuses. During the relationship I was told or it was insinuated that I am the one who is causing this.
Even though I ended the relationship for that very reason, I think its embedded in my head that I better reduce my reactions lest I cause a (disproportionately) worse reaction.

That leads me to today's incident. Its midnight and I am walking home on a relatively safe area. A motorcycle drives past me and I give it a glance cause they were talking loud and it caught my attention. The driver (there was another guy at the back) took offense at me looking and decided to do a U turn and challenge me. He gets off the bike and asks the usual "why u lookin'" brute talk. Before I could do anything he tries to slap me in the face, which luckily misfired a bit and it just scraped the side of my head. Meanwhile, I couldnt even utter a word to my defense, as I should have. Beating the crap out of him was unfortunately not an option cause I just dont have it in me.

That's what saddens me the most. I felt like I silenced myself in fear that it might get worse and I just... ran.
I would run anyway, but I hate it that I felt like I was mute.

Anyway this is probably blog material. Maybe I just need to hear I'm not the only one recovering from such awful situations / bad relationships.  Sad
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« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2017, 06:06:01 am »

aggressiveness is a male nature, especially in gay relationship, there are two males, each of them wants the initiative and controls, the best way to avoid this situation is one become obedient. in straight relationship here, females are always passive.

About your midnight incident, I think the first thing we need concern is ourselves safety, so in the case of danger, run is not a bad choice. They are two and may have knives or gun, you never known, unless you think you have above 70% chance to win.

there’s a Chinese proverb called 审时度势(shên shí duó shì) is about how to deal with incidentes.
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Wooow
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« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2017, 08:36:12 am »

Nah, I've known plenty gay and straight couples that arent like this. This is just a stereotype.
In my case it was probably the wrong combination of characters.
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« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2017, 02:40:16 am »

Maybe I just need to hear I'm not the only one recovering from such awful situations / bad relationships.  Sad

Maybe you just dated a narcissist.

Check this out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRytEgABFuo&list=PLcjFWuvIFFzJr5eXvb4rG_F-68lw4TK4T

aggressiveness is a male nature, especially in gay relationship, there are two males, each of them wants the initiative and controls, the best way to avoid this situation is one become obedient. in straight relationship here, females are always passive.
Right.. Abuse is abuse!
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« Reply #4 on: December 09, 2017, 09:18:59 pm »

Post trauma I guess. Its the demons of the oast relationship. In time and with effort you will get over that.
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