ANGER MANAGEMENT, when leaving comments in Torrent presentations:
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Author Topic: ANGER MANAGEMENT, when leaving comments in Torrent presentations:  (Read 1070 times)
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« on: December 12, 2017, 01:24:45 pm »

On almost a daily basis, we have members... reporting OTHER members, to report hostile and rude comments left on torrents!!!

This is crazy!!! My GOD, what are we DOING here?  Sharing GAY PORN and GAY THEMED MOVIES!!! (for the most part).

WHY the anger?  WHY the hostility?  WHY the rudeness?  WHY the vulgarity?? WHY the obscenity?

Leaving an angry hostile comment on a torrent... hardly ever ends well.

When reported to Staff, we are tasked with having to take precious time out, to try and address the situation.

And HOW, exactly, does this get resolved, by staff?

By staff formula, we usually give a verbal warning to the hostile member, first either as an additional comment, or a Private message, or both. At the same time, this warning, and the background situation (exact copies of the problem comments / PM correspondence) are entered into the member's account history, and within the Private Message, it is explained that this is a FIRST WARNING, and future violations will result in having their accounts put into temporary Warned Status.

Now this is where things often get interesting, (not to mention shocking!)!

There's such an easy simple solution, which, for some reason, only about 10% of our members seem to grasp... and that is this: A simple sincere apology fixes everything, and cleans the slate, and the member's account history is updated with the lovely apology!!! (Of course, entire event, and the first warning remains in the member's history)

HOWEVER!!! All too often, the member decides that somehow it's a GOOD IDEA to NOW lash out with anger and hostility, to the staff member!!! This, in itself, is a Rules Violation, and is guaranteed to push the situation into actual Warned Status.

This starts with a ONE day Warned Status, (during which most site functions are blocked to the member.) If the situation continues to spiral downward, (IE the member CONTINUES to lash out to staff with anger, hostility, vulgarities, and worse!) it moves to the next levels, possibly THREE days, FIVE days, 1 WEEK, 2 WEEKS, 4 WEEKS, 8 WEEKS, and then... UNLIMITED. If the member gets insanely crazed... it's up to staff's decision whether or not to skip some levels, to higher levels, including banning the account, depending on how insane the situation has become. This is SO SAD, and I personally HATE it when this occurs.

Yet... it seems to happen... regularly, once or twice a month, at least.

It just happened again, yesterday. And genuinely, I'm SO HAPPY to say that the member (who had started out with SUCH anger and hostility) defused it so beautifully, with a lovely apology...  with love

I've taken the liberty of taking some of what I wrote this lovely member... as the following foundation, for this forum topic, as follows:

We all have lapses of good judgement, and bursts of anger; I think that it's best to try to do what I try to do, when angry: wait 1/2 hour before responding to something like this.

What we're trying to do our best to recommend here, when leaving comments on Torrents... at GayTorrent.ru, are the following:

1) Try to keep the environment here as light and peaceful, as possible.

2) Actually download a video before either complaining about it, and/or reporting it to staff.

3) remember that any member can post pictures to a torrent presentation, so don't rely on pictures as being either representative of the video contents, NOR assume the original uploader was the person who unloaded (OFTEN WRONG and OFTEN MISLEADING) photos, that get attached to torrent presentation (that has managed to piss you off, or frustrate you to the point of lashing out, in an hasty "outburst".)

4) If reporting a torrent to the staff, please be polite and respectful.

As I tried to explain above... and as I told this member today... As for your member account history... it will always contain the original offending content, but (the good news) it will contain the sincere apology too, pretty much managing to cancel things out (although this issue DOES still stand as the "First Warning"; it's a verbal warning only. (at this point in time).

Major Hugz, and please do try to keep this a pleasant place, for all of our members, into the future.
Pawpcorn
GTRU Staff
« Last Edit: December 12, 2017, 01:32:04 pm by (Hidden) » Logged
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« Reply #1 on: January 15, 2018, 02:04:53 am »

I am honestly shocked that people would do that here. However its the internet so I think people feel that because they can't be seen it's okay. Its not and glad you guys have a way of resolving that Smiley Thanks for all the hard work you all put in Smiley
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Mattb36469
The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you’re hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward
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« Reply #2 on: January 15, 2018, 01:36:49 pm »

I am honestly shocked that people would do that here. However its the internet so I think people feel that because they can't be seen it's okay. Its not and glad you guys have a way of resolving that Smiley Thanks for all the hard work you all put in Smiley

Thank you for the kind words!

YUP!!! It's been shocking to ME TOO, how vile and vulgar some members have been when leaving torrent comments... it's somtimes beyond shocking...  afraid

Often, then, the uploader of that torrent will report these shockers to the staff... and then it seems that I'm often the only staff member willing to tackle the problem.

It's become an interesting study (to me) in human psychology... to see how they will respond to my reprimanding comments, or PM...!

Looking at the member's private account history, I can often predict if this will escalate into a full-fledged battle (which never ends well, for the member, natch!)  OR if the member will possibly possess enough wisdom, self-control, insight and humility... to simply apologize.

Having raised THREE CHILDREN, myself, I can tell you that actual APOLOGIES just carry SO MUCH WEIGHT for me... they are simply the magic key (again, to me) to wiping out the offense, reversing the penalty, and wiping the slate clean (aside from the history in the member's account).

Having said that...? ? ?   It's maybe only a 10% to 20% of members that will manage to achieve making the simple apology.

Strange, eh?

Human nature, and human behavior... is strange.

Hugs...!!! with love
Pawpcorn
GTRU Staff
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« Reply #3 on: April 25, 2019, 04:00:32 pm »

 with love
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« Reply #4 on: April 25, 2019, 07:49:55 pm »

Just to comment that it may not be as bad as you think.

Your sample is biased since you only look at the people rude enough/low impulse control to leave nasty and/or vulgar comments in the first place.  There may be more than 10%-20% willing to apologize who avoid making problems to start off with.
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« Reply #5 on: April 26, 2019, 06:21:43 am »

I honestly don't understand how something like this would be shocking to you? I've dealt with many rude gay men in person, so I can only think that this is a representation of who some members really are. When you see something like this... Believe it. I've spend more than enough time explaining this to other gays. There is a significant amount of the gay community who are just rude, and wouldn't know respect if it smacked them in the balls.

-AOS
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« Reply #6 on: April 26, 2019, 06:42:24 am »

I honestly don't understand how something like this would be shocking to you? I've dealt with many rude gay men in person, so I can only think that this is a representation of who some members really are. When you see something like this... Believe it. I've spend more than enough time explaining this to other gays. There is a significant amount of the gay community who are just rude, and wouldn't know respect if it smacked them in the balls.

-AOS

Grant me the fact that you haven't actually SEEN some of the PMs that (yes) to me, were shocking, in the sense of being very surprised at the extreme hostility occasional members expressed back to me personally... when being asked to either tone down their rhetoric, or in the worst cases, have minor (one day warned status, for example) punishments applied to their accounts.

The time-consuming task of having to go through a member's TORRENT COMMENT HISTORY and DELETE the most offensive ones... is frustrating, too, as an unpaid volunteer... along with my time being somewhat valuable to me, eh?

So... I'm saying two things, really... you haven't actually had to SEE some of what I've seen here, (I'm AWARE that I haven't SHARED ANY of the EXTREME ones!!!  afraid )  then two, it's quite likely I haven't (in my personal life & contacts) come across the "significant amount of the gay community who are just rude, and wouldn't know respect if it smacked them in the balls" gays... as you have, which you so eloquently expressed in so many words.

Too, it could be that I tend to be on the kinder / gentle side of personality types, in general, and, as such, am attracted to like types, and have tended to have created like types friendships and relationships... over the course of my 7 decade lifetime.

So yeah, I get surprised occasionally!  But many members write in to REPORT other members for this type of behavior, so... "I'm not alone" when it comes to really disliking (or in the case of member's reactions) being really offended by some of the comments that get left on torrents. The GAY-BASHING comments are often the most spectacular, LOL.  with love

Thanks for your insightful input!!! MUCH appreciated!!! with love
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« Reply #7 on: April 26, 2019, 08:10:34 am »

I'd like to add in that quite often if you already have the 1st warning, but go a long time before getting a 2nd warning we usually tend to treat that as a new 1st warning. 

Of course, there are variables, such as how bad the infractions were/are, did you apologize, etc, etc. 

Everyone has a PMS day now and again and we understand that. 
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« Reply #8 on: April 26, 2019, 10:38:34 am »

The fact that you haven't actually SEEN some of the PMs that (yes) to me, were shocking, in the sense of being very surprised at the extreme hostility occasional members expressed back to me personally... when being asked to either tone down their rhetoric, or in the worst cases, have minor (one day warned status, for example) punishments applied to their accounts.

The time-consuming task of having to go through a member's TORRENT COMMENT HISTORY and DELETE the most offensive ones... is frustrating, too, as an unpaid volunteer... along with my time being somewhat valuable to me, eh?

So... I'm saying two things, really... you haven't actually had to SEE some of what I've seen here, (I'm AWARE that I haven't SHARED ANY of the EXTREME ones!!!  afraid )  then two, it's quite likely I haven't (in my personal life & contacts) come across the "significant amount of the gay community who are just rude, and wouldn't know respect if it smacked them in the balls" gays... as you have, which you so eloquently expressed in so many words.

Too, it could be that I tend to be on the kinder / gentle side of personality types, in general, and, as such, am attracted to like types, and have tended to have created like types friendships and relationships... over the course of my 7 decade lifetime.

So yeah, I get surprised occasionally!  But many members write in to REPORT other members for this type of behavior, so... "I'm not alone" when it comes to really disliking (or in the case of member's reactions) being really offended by some of the comments that get left on torrents. The GAY-BASHING comments are often the most spectacular, LOL.  with love

Thanks for your insightful input!!! MUCH appreciated!!! with love

You know, I must admit, I didn't get it at first. I suffered some of the most trauma from my OWN gay people. My biggest mistake growing up, was to think because someone else is gay like me, that they would be kinder, gentler, and more understanding. And that wasn't real life, and it was a hard lesson for me. I had to understand on my own that our gay experiences are sometimes worlds apart, and there will be many gays who just will not get it. Then again, perhaps maybe they're just evil, and we've given them too much benefit of the doubt.

If someone statements borderlines harassment, or there is no context behind their comments, band the fuckers. If someone is unwilling to apologize, or at least be able to articulate their position, then that can only mean it was done out of willful intent.

-AOS
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« Reply #9 on: April 26, 2019, 10:55:32 am »

Think before you type and click or else suffer the consequences.
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« Reply #10 on: June 23, 2019, 03:52:03 pm »

i think if people are frustrated, this is not the place to unload. people should realize that they're anonymous behind there computer. this doesn't mean you get a free pass at being negative and aggressive (with words). When you realize that you are, you should take step back to actively stop this urge to be impolite.

Maybe this sounds a bit childish or pointless, but acting rude is actually pointless and childish.

Sorry just had to share this
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« Reply #11 on: July 25, 2019, 01:51:46 am »

i think if people are frustrated, this is not the place to unload. people should realize that they're anonymous behind there computer. this doesn't mean you get a free pass at being negative and aggressive (with words). When you realize that you are, you should take step back to actively stop this urge to be impolite.

Maybe this sounds a bit childish or pointless, but acting rude is actually pointless and childish.

Sorry just had to share this

I think when you've been a member for a decade and have moved beyond lurker status you may gain a bit more appreciation for some more pointed comments from our senior members. There are a LOT of stupid people in this world, and by nature, some percentage of that filters into everything, everywhere, including here. Case in point: people asking to have others go buy subscriptions and load content because they believe they are 'entitled' to ask that. WRONG. People who have shit ratios, doe very little uploading, leach their asses off, and then complain about something when they really don't have a right to. People who argue against the rules when they agreed to said rules when they joined and no think their individual behavior, or who they are, entitles them to decry the rules or violate/break them. People who again, don't do shit on this site yet complain and leave their opinions and negative comments - as if we the community are supposed to stop and take heed to what they say. I have ZERO PROBLEM with working with lurkers, such as you, and others, who may have misconceptions about technology, process, torrenting, etc because we all are learning every day. I've learned new things every year for over a decade interacting with this site. I also have ZERO PROBLEM with anyone who honestly comes across as sincere, perhaps confused or uncertain, or who take an apologetic tone in their forum posts or questions they ask. In fact I'll jump through hoops to help out if I can. That includes spending hours chasing after identifying "who is this guy" requests on these forums. The community is what it is based upon how we make it to be, and that's really the point. But I also have ZERO PROBLEM calling out an ass-hat, or ungrateful twit when it is appropriate or a piece of humble pie is deserved.

There are times I have to step back from responding to some people's posts or forum posts because I'll just rip their heads off if I don't. We are all human - so I give leeway even in observing other's behaviors and remind myself "that could easily have been me saying those things".

Give more
Take less
Help others when you can
Be respectful, be mindful, and appreciate others opinions and the adversity of our global community.

Because at the end of the day, we are all collecting porn to jack off to - and it's all about getting off and having a fun time doing so.
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« Reply #12 on: July 25, 2019, 05:32:44 pm »

I'll admit I sometimes get annoyed at "Can you help me find XYZ video?" requests when I can find it by typing XYZ into search.  I also stay far away from the discussion of politics, which I'm really interested in, due to people who seem unable to refrain from ad hominem attacks (in the thread names!)

But as people say, this is a place where we are getting Queer content for free.  I also download non-porn gay movies and tv shows.  I enjoy giving movie or book recommendations and seeing whether other people think the latest Blockbusters are worth my time and money.

If someone sends the occassional Spam pm or says something I regard as offensive I can just hit the delete button.
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« Reply #13 on: July 26, 2019, 10:07:51 am »

You know, I left behind a lot of public trackers because the mods/owners were just retarded! How strange that gay trackers are so different. The mods and owners on gay trackers are usually friendly and level headed, and the members are bitchy as hell. LOLOLOLOL  Grin
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« Reply #14 on: September 18, 2019, 01:31:41 am »

Just to comment that it may not be as bad as you think.

Your sample is biased since you only look at the people rude enough/low impulse control to leave nasty and/or vulgar comments in the first place.  There may be more than 10%-20% willing to apologize who avoid making problems to start off with.

These statistically wouldn't be the members writing rude comments to begin with though. 

It's a pre-selection bias.  The angry trolls tend to write angry comments, and then tend to write angry responses to moderators.  It kind of fits with their overall behavior pattern. 
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« Reply #15 on: September 20, 2019, 06:25:28 am »

Just to comment that it may not be as bad as you think.

Your sample is biased since you only look at the people rude enough/low impulse control to leave nasty and/or vulgar comments in the first place.  There may be more than 10%-20% willing to apologize who avoid making problems to start off with.

These statistically wouldn't be the members writing rude comments to begin with though. 

It's a pre-selection bias.  The angry trolls tend to write angry comments, and then tend to write angry responses to moderators.  It kind of fits with their overall behavior pattern. 

It's a shame though.... You really have to wonder an individuals mental health status, investing so much time doing these kinds of pointless things. It could only mean they have absolutely no control of their own life. "Misery likes company."
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« Reply #16 on: April 05, 2020, 07:26:07 am »

We should all be thankful for the free porn. If the upload is not what you want, please respect the uploader. We all have different tastes. leaving nasty comments is not the solution. Be thankful!
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« Reply #17 on: April 17, 2020, 09:07:28 pm »

Take a deep breath every time you feel like being negative with comments, people posting torrents are going out of their way, anger is just a reaction response to a deep rooted disappointment with yourself and life, the only one looking bad, whether you are hiding behind a screen or not is yourself. take responsibility for your emotions and reactions, that's part of the reason why this world is in its current situation, people blaming others for their disappointment in life, look inside instead of looking at so much porn 1st of all, love yourself, work on yourself and stop spreading hate.   with love
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« Reply #18 on: April 19, 2020, 01:35:15 am »

A good norm to follow is to have comments (on torrents or in the forum) be about the topic at hand, not about other people.  It's one thing to say "I don't like movie (or politician) XYZ," but quite another to say, "You're an idiot if you like movie (or politician) XYZ."  There is, unfortunately, a lot of the latter going on, especially in the forum.  It's probably a necessary evil, as the alternative would be to have our already overworked monitors policing every comment. 

An important exception to the "principles, not personalities" rule would be giving thanks to someone for their efforts, such as a well-crafted torrent upload.  Torrent quality seems to be drooping, so positive reinforcement of a job well done can benefit all of us.
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« Reply #19 on: May 13, 2020, 08:07:07 pm »

What about the simple fact that some people simply have knee-jerk reactions...no matter how polite or tactful the commenter is trying to be...or simply don't like being corrected, or having something wrong or incorrect being pointed out to them, no matter (once again) how tactful or nice the commenter is trying to be...and they simply fly off the handle, regardless whether they are the ones who are wrong?

A lot of people are like that on the internet for some reason. Some simply do not like being correct no matter how wrong they are or how nice the commenter tries to be. Frankly, IMHO, people like that have issues they need to deal with in their real lives.

Just to point out regarding the increased font size I use...which someone has actually bitched to me about in a comment awhile back, claiming I was throwing around some kind of attitude that I had to make my comment stand out with the larger font...Keep in mind that some of us, even wearing glasses, have trouble reading a small font and have to use a larger font size.
Try and keep that in mind, by the way, instead of complaining about it.
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