Moving on from the closet
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« on: June 14, 2018, 10:43:56 pm »

Hi All,

So bit of background, I didn't come out to any friends or family until I was 29.  When i did it was just close friends and my sister and no one else for a while.  I just recently came out to my parents aged 35 which is late I know and is something i've been giving a lot of thought to since.  Although i'm now out to most of the people I want to know, I don't feel like i'm really out if that makes sense.  I don't really have any gay friends and i've never had a boyfriend so I feel like i'm still holding back really.

I've never really felt like i've belonged in the gay community, i've tried to see if theres some social groups or similar near me I could attend away from the bars and clubs but i've never gone ahead with any of it.  I was wondering if theres anyone else who has been in similar position really and if they've moved on from that stage in their lives and how they did it.  I'm tired of not being open anymore but being in the closet for so long has it's lasting impact and makes it difficult :-(

Thanks for reading anyway.



« Reply #1 on: June 20, 2018, 04:04:57 am »

Chris:    My advice to you is to not work at making "gay friends"; just make friends.   I spent a long time thinking "If I only had a gay friend" and I made a few but their friendship was fleeting; my straight friendships (and they know I'm gay) have endured far longer.   Don't let "gay" define you; it's part of who you are but not the biggest part.

If you're interested in meeting other gay people and want to avoid the bar scene, try Meetup (   You may find events in your area.  I don't know where you live but if there's a "gay mecca" nearby you could always travel there on a vacation trip.   I live not too far from Provincetown on Cape Cod (Massachusetts).   I've been a few times but I found that a little goes a long way unless you're really into that sort of thing.   But to each his own!

As far a finding a boyfriend/partner goes, don't go looking for one.  Chances are one will find you.  It really does work that way. 



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