Need some advice/thoughts
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« on: September 13, 2018, 11:28:21 am »

So I recently accepted myself and came out this past Pride. Mostly because I was tired of not being able to be myself and unhappy. I also made a friend online who helped give me courage to come out as openly gay. He told me he came out when he was in his teens and has gotten a lot of shit from it but that its who he is and he owns it. I guess hearing that story triggered something in me and I wanted to be myself and happy damn what anyone thinks or says.

Here's where it gets a bit off. The same friend where we talked about everything together and I admit fooled around with, went from all that to just nothing. We don't talk as much anymore. When we do it's some basic small talk shit. There are times i know he's troubled but he shuts me off and says he doesnt want to talk about it and he just wants to pretend everything is normal. When I go to him to talk about something i'm having problems with he randomly changes the subject or just stops replying all together. He always brings up people he hooks up with or his sexual encounters. Which im not interested in.

I don't know I feel like we just are at different stages in emotional/mental maturity and what we want in a friendship is different. He also grew up in the LGBT community whereas I was closeted my whole life and live in a place where there is no LGBT community. I want to befriend people in the LGBT community I can relate with. I want friendships where we help each other grow, encourage and support when we are going through hard times, you know a genuine friendship. I don't feel he wants that and im just some guy he had a crush on and got bored of and realized this when I made it clear i didnt want to just fool around. I told him all this of course but he denies it and says he cares but nothing changes.

I'm thinking of ending the friendship and cutting ties since I feel this isn't healthy. I'm just conflicted because i'm happy, lighter and have a lot more confidence in myself and he had a large part in that. I not good with relationship stuff being the only gay guy in a remote community and wanted advice or thoughts from others.



« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2018, 09:52:14 pm »

hey man!
i don't know how muchs this guys means to you, friendwise, but i don't think you should cut him off, but maybe see him more as an acquaintance than a friend, and try to make new friends who will actually be there for ya.

I had this friend, who was the most selfish person in the world, all he did was talk about himself, and his crushes, and his job, and whenever me or some of our other friends needed to vent, or to just talk about what was happening he would get bored, or would like try to upstage our problems claiming to have a bigger one, after a while we stopped hanging out so much, i stopped calling him, and basically fadded him out of my life, he's so self centered that we were at a club a couple of months ago, he came in, danced 2 feet away from me all night long and didnt say anything, so i was right in just get out of that friendship, but the think is he was never a hugely important person for me, so it was ok for me to not talk anymore with him, will it be that way for you? or do you still want him in your life?

good luck bro, making friends is never the easiest task, but it's tottaly worth it,

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