Is it fair? [Facebook for hookups]
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« on: April 07, 2019, 01:46:25 pm »

Me and my boyfriend started dating seven months ago and at the beginning of our relationship we set some clear rules. Like, both of us would give up on our gay dating apps and that we would keep it monogamous at this very beginning while we're discovering each other. We wanted this moment to be just ours.

He has two facebook accounts. One for family and close friends and another one just for guys. I used to be in the second one, until when he invited me to part of the"Family & friends Facebook". But now, I found out he deleted me from the "hookup account" and kept posting stuff there.

Is it fair, since we had a conversation about how we are going to take it? Or am I just being paranoid?
Last month he got a nice hair cut and trimmed his beard, and minutes later he uploaded a picture labeled "Am I loking good?"  Blinking
I can't see the comments but based on all the guys who liked it.... it doenst look good, for me.

Whats your opinion on what I should. Thank you very much.
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« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2019, 06:20:49 am »

I don't think you are paranoid. But you do have a valid concern. Have you ever brought up a question as to why he removed you from the other FB account?
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« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2019, 09:27:13 pm »

I brought it up today. We had a big fight. He said that there’s nothing to worry about and that I’m already his friend on his family and friends Facebook account. He reassured me that he wants to be with me and that I shouldn’t be concern about him cheating on me

 Same old, same old. I’ve heard exactly the same story before - but from a different person and it ended up really bad.

He also said that he’s not going to accept me there and I need to trust him. This situation is eating me out. I guess I expected more than I should’ve had. He’s not willing to give up on his old contacts, maybe it’s a redflagl of how low his commitment is to our relationship.
« Last Edit: April 08, 2019, 10:42:48 pm by (Hidden) » Logged


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« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2019, 12:09:51 am »

I'm sorry to hear that.
My stance with whomever I'm dating is that if we're monogamous, all the dating apps go away, unless we both agree to a specific set of conditions. The conditions cannot leave anything in the gray. It has to be yes/no.

I would monitor what goes on in the other facebook profile, if possible.
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« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2019, 03:42:28 pm »

Yea I found a way to monitor his profile. Too lame I had to do this, but anyway, thank you for your advice, it helped me out a lot. Thank you.
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« Reply #5 on: April 17, 2019, 06:08:47 pm »

I think the fact that he keps his other profile probably shows that he wasn't as into the idea of giving up all the apps and all the old contacts as much as you might have been. Maybe he didn't feel entirely comfortable with the agreement but went along with it for your sake. However, I wouldn't say that that's any reason to worry. I think a lot of people, even when they feel totally invested in a relationship and have no desire to not be monogamous, feel that still enjoy getting that bit of attention that being on gay apps or similar stuff can give you. And he might have made friends that aren't close enough to be added to the "family and friends" profile, but that he doesn't want to give up on just because he's in a relationship. So keeping the account makes sense. I do agree that removing you from it is more strange, but perhaps he felt that you might misinterpret the type of things he posts there. But obviously it probably had the opposite effect of what he intended then, since naturally your reaction was to think he might be hiding something. But hopefully he isn't, and it doesn't sound like there's much reasons to really worry about it either.
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