Is it fair? [Facebook for hookups]
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« on: April 07, 2019, 01:46:25 pm »

Me and my boyfriend started dating seven months ago and at the beginning of our relationship we set some clear rules. Like, both of us would give up on our gay dating apps and that we would keep it monogamous at this very beginning while we're discovering each other. We wanted this moment to be just ours.

He has two facebook accounts. One for family and close friends and another one just for guys. I used to be in the second one, until when he invited me to part of the"Family & friends Facebook". But now, I found out he deleted me from the "hookup account" and kept posting stuff there.

Is it fair, since we had a conversation about how we are going to take it? Or am I just being paranoid?
Last month he got a nice hair cut and trimmed his beard, and minutes later he uploaded a picture labeled "Am I loking good?"  Blinking
I can't see the comments but based on all the guys who liked it.... it doenst look good, for me.

Whats your opinion on what I should. Thank you very much.
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« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2019, 06:20:49 am »

I don't think you are paranoid. But you do have a valid concern. Have you ever brought up a question as to why he removed you from the other FB account?
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« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2019, 09:27:13 pm »

I brought it up today. We had a big fight. He said that there’s nothing to worry about and that I’m already his friend on his family and friends Facebook account. He reassured me that he wants to be with me and that I shouldn’t be concern about him cheating on me

 Same old, same old. I’ve heard exactly the same story before - but from a different person and it ended up really bad.

He also said that he’s not going to accept me there and I need to trust him. This situation is eating me out. I guess I expected more than I should’ve had. He’s not willing to give up on his old contacts, maybe it’s a redflagl of how low his commitment is to our relationship.
« Last Edit: April 08, 2019, 10:42:48 pm by (Hidden) » Logged


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« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2019, 12:09:51 am »

I'm sorry to hear that.
My stance with whomever I'm dating is that if we're monogamous, all the dating apps go away, unless we both agree to a specific set of conditions. The conditions cannot leave anything in the gray. It has to be yes/no.

I would monitor what goes on in the other facebook profile, if possible.
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« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2019, 03:42:28 pm »

Yea I found a way to monitor his profile. Too lame I had to do this, but anyway, thank you for your advice, it helped me out a lot. Thank you.
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« Reply #5 on: April 17, 2019, 06:08:47 pm »

I think the fact that he keps his other profile probably shows that he wasn't as into the idea of giving up all the apps and all the old contacts as much as you might have been. Maybe he didn't feel entirely comfortable with the agreement but went along with it for your sake. However, I wouldn't say that that's any reason to worry. I think a lot of people, even when they feel totally invested in a relationship and have no desire to not be monogamous, feel that still enjoy getting that bit of attention that being on gay apps or similar stuff can give you. And he might have made friends that aren't close enough to be added to the "family and friends" profile, but that he doesn't want to give up on just because he's in a relationship. So keeping the account makes sense. I do agree that removing you from it is more strange, but perhaps he felt that you might misinterpret the type of things he posts there. But obviously it probably had the opposite effect of what he intended then, since naturally your reaction was to think he might be hiding something. But hopefully he isn't, and it doesn't sound like there's much reasons to really worry about it either.
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« Reply #6 on: April 22, 2019, 03:23:50 pm »

Unfortunately, I found out he’s cheating on me with an old contact. Going through all of this again turns things very tough, because all the damage this disappointment causes leads me to  judge everyone as untrustworthy.

I really like and had big expectations for us and was so committed to him. It’s really really sad.
I don’t know what to do. I can’t bring this up because I got his texts not in a “fair” way...
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« Reply #7 on: April 24, 2019, 04:10:39 am »

Oh no... I'm very sorry to hear that.

If I ever found out my partner cheated, I'd break up with them, doesn't matter how I got the evidence.

If I didn't have reason to doubt, I wouldn't need to look for evidence in the first place! It is their doing.
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« Reply #8 on: April 24, 2019, 12:44:39 pm »

Time to move on.
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« Reply #9 on: April 24, 2019, 01:57:44 pm »

Ughh so sorry to hear that. Man just break up and you don't need a reason. I mean you do, but you don't need to give an explanation. Just "i know you cheated on me I need to be alone, i'm disappointed that after what you knew about me you still decided to hurt me while I thought i matter to you". I just read the topic and I would also encourage you to have a talk cause it didn't make any sense why he would delete you there.

What a fucking asshole. Can't believe he said TRUST ME while he was cheating. I'm not that vulnerable on the cheating part I'd actually be okay I think if someone I would be with would ask "hey there I really have an urge to have one time sex outside of our relationship" I would be like "go on and send me a video" but the lying part , ugh disgusting. So disgusting. Hate liars. I hope you feel a little better. If you need anything or any advice about breakup just hit us up mate Smiley and keep posted.
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« Reply #10 on: April 24, 2019, 02:38:14 pm »

Better it happen this early than years down the line.

Same old story I'm afraid - you agreed to how you were going to start out the relationship, he immediately ignored that, then got defensive that you "should trust him" when he's been found out. He probably doesn't realise it, but there's probably an emotional payoff for him in this kind of behaviour, it probably boosts his self-esteem and ego that he can "have his cake and eat it too" by having a relationship but continuing to get his ego stroked online. It tells you how fragile that ego really is unfortunately.

best wishes for the future.  police


I don’t know what to do. I can’t bring this up because I got his texts not in a “fair” way...
Don't feel guilty because you looked at his phone or whatever without him knowing. If you felt he was trustworthy, it wouldn't have been gnawing at you to do something like that. This is the emotional payoff I was talking about - If you confront him, he will get defensive and blame the break-up on you for not trusting him - this gives him a safe out of the relationship and absolves him (in his mind) of his wrongdoing because it's you who were the untrustworthy one.... FUCK THAT! He was being shady, and in a relationship, the other person can sense that - which you did. Your suspicions were entirely correct, and he got busted. None of that is your fault and don't let him guilt trip you in to thinking it is.
« Last Edit: April 24, 2019, 02:44:10 pm by (Hidden) » Logged


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« Reply #11 on: April 27, 2019, 04:04:27 pm »

Guys its incredible of how much support I got here, those words of encouragement really cheered me up. Thank you very much.

I've made up my mind before reading this, I'm breaking up with him, period.
I'm only gathering some courage to go through this all again. I've discovered 7 more chats to arrange and fuck with different guys. I haven't gone through his facebook so I bet there's more to discover. He's been cheating A LOT on me, like almost every week.

Two things that really hurt me.
1. We've been dating for 6 months now and since the beginning, sex was kind "weak". I mean, it wasn't the best sex I ever had.
Why Am I saying this? He never really took attitude to have sex with me and I'm always on that struggle to convince him to fuck, like, I have to keep saying in advance "tonight we're gonna fuck good" I have to keep bringing things up to get him horny and stuff, I've said my discontentment with this situation and he blammed on his age and the fact that his overweight, so his libido was really low. Now I know there's a lot more behind this.
It really hurt me, I'm not ugly, I think I'm sexy, my cock is really decent (lol) and I'm very intelligent too, so I don't get why he refused me on bed so many times to be with a random cock.

2. He said I could trust him, He garanteed that for me. He reinforced he would never cheat on me, because he loved me and he chose me to be his long-life partner. For some reason, I never did 100% and because of that I found out it was all a lie.

Some people, I assume, are just doomed to a life of loneliness, sordid anonymous sex, and ultimately to an unfulfilled and pointless existence. Based on his past relationships and hookups, I don't think he will ever find someone quite as fine as me.
I gave myself a lot, emotionally and financially. I don't regret that but somehow it hurts as as well, of how much of waste it is.
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« Reply #12 on: April 27, 2019, 04:46:10 pm »

Guys its incredible of how much support I got here, those words of encouragement really cheered me up. Thank you very much.

I've made up my mind before reading this, I'm breaking up with him, period.
I'm only gathering some courage to go through this all again. I've discovered 7 more chats to arrange and fuck with different guys. I haven't gone through his facebook so I bet there's more to discover. He's been cheating A LOT on me, like almost every week.

Two things that really hurt me.
1. We've been dating for 6 months now and since the beginning, sex was kind "weak". I mean, it wasn't the best sex I ever had.
Why Am I saying this? He never really took attitude to have sex with me and I'm always on that struggle to convince him to fuck, like, I have to keep saying in advance "tonight we're gonna fuck good" I have to keep bringing things up to get him horny and stuff, I've said my discontentment with this situation and he blammed on his age and the fact that his overweight, so his libido was really low. Now I know there's a lot more behind this.
It really hurt me, I'm not ugly, I think I'm sexy, my cock is really decent (lol) and I'm very intelligent too, so I don't get why he refused me on bed so many times to be with a random cock.

2. He said I could trust him, He garanteed that for me. He reinforced he would never cheat on me, because he loved me and he chose me to be his long-life partner. For some reason, I never did 100% and because of that I found out it was all a lie.

Some people, I assume, are just doomed to a life of loneliness, sordid anonymous sex, and ultimately to an unfulfilled and pointless existence. Based on his past relationships and hookups, I don't think he will ever find someone quite as fine as me.
I gave myself a lot, emotionally and financially. I don't regret that but somehow it hurts as as well, of how much of waste it is.

Always go with instinct!! I'm happy to hear you've made the decision, but also sad that it's come to this.
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« Reply #13 on: April 29, 2019, 10:41:21 am »

Guys its incredible of how much support I got here, those words of encouragement really cheered me up. Thank you very much.

I've made up my mind before reading this, I'm breaking up with him, period.
I'm only gathering some courage to go through this all again. I've discovered 7 more chats to arrange and fuck with different guys. I haven't gone through his facebook so I bet there's more to discover. He's been cheating A LOT on me, like almost every week.

Two things that really hurt me.
1. We've been dating for 6 months now and since the beginning, sex was kind "weak". I mean, it wasn't the best sex I ever had.
Why Am I saying this? He never really took attitude to have sex with me and I'm always on that struggle to convince him to fuck, like, I have to keep saying in advance "tonight we're gonna fuck good" I have to keep bringing things up to get him horny and stuff, I've said my discontentment with this situation and he blammed on his age and the fact that his overweight, so his libido was really low. Now I know there's a lot more behind this.
It really hurt me, I'm not ugly, I think I'm sexy, my cock is really decent (lol) and I'm very intelligent too, so I don't get why he refused me on bed so many times to be with a random cock.

2. He said I could trust him, He garanteed that for me. He reinforced he would never cheat on me, because he loved me and he chose me to be his long-life partner. For some reason, I never did 100% and because of that I found out it was all a lie.

Some people, I assume, are just doomed to a life of loneliness, sordid anonymous sex, and ultimately to an unfulfilled and pointless existence. Based on his past relationships and hookups, I don't think he will ever find someone quite as fine as me.
I gave myself a lot, emotionally and financially. I don't regret that but somehow it hurts as as well, of how much of waste it is.

Thank you for sharing your experience.  I think that you're doing the right thing by breaking up with him.  Too bad you spent this time with him when you could have been with someone more appreciative! 
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