Anxiety When Partner is Travelling
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« on: April 11, 2019, 12:03:11 am »

Hi guys! I just want to ask for your advice/opinion. I've been in a relationship with this guy for almost a year. For context: I'm out to my family and close friends, but he's officially not out (he's in a "glass closet" - everyone around us can already sense that he's gay, but he's afraid to come out to his family because he will be disowned by his parents due to cultural reasons). Other than that, we're pretty happy keeping our relationship on the down low, though as expected, it's a huge sacrifice on my end. But he's warming up to the idea of telling our closest friends at least.

Anyway, his job requires him to travel out of town at least twice or thrice a month (2-3 days on each trip). I get anxious whenever he goes on these business trips. He is a pretty good-looking guy, and often, a lot of gay guys flirt with him. He would often tell me about hot guys he would encounter during his travels, but since he is not out, he doesn't act on it - and he shouldn't act on it since we're in an exclusive, monogamous relationship. We have established the "feel free to look, but don't touch" rule - we're pretty open with each other about letting the other know if we find another guy attractive, but nothing more than that.

In all fairness to him, he has not given me any reason to doubt his trust, and he has proven so far that he is faithful - in the past months, I have subtle ways of verifying his whereabouts and activities, and he has passed this test numerous times. And yet, when he doesn't reply for hours at a time, especially at night (sure, he's probably sleeping), I feel more anxious. I'm trying not to ask him directly about where he is and what he's doing at any given time because that might be too clingy/needy, which he doesn't like. On the flip side, I have already told him that communication is important to me, but he is a firm believer that we don't need to send messages to each other every few hours, especially when we're busy or preoccupied with something like work. He asserts that at the end of the day, we'll come back to each other anyway, regardless of how busy our day was.

For those of you who experience the same type of anxiety when your partner is away, how do you cope? Or how do you put your mind at ease and not think of insecure thoughts that he might be fooling around with someone else? Would appreciate your advice/tips. Thanks!

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