Keeping Jealousy Under Control: Fitness Edition
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« on: April 14, 2019, 01:38:10 am »

Hi guys! So my partner recently became a fitness instructor on top of his regular job. There have been a number of his gay clients flirting with him during his classes, who often ask him to dine out after. He would normally ask me to go with him during these group lunches, if only to let his clients know that he's in a relationship with someone. Just this past month, a gay client is suddenly inviting himself whenever we watch movies and plays with other friends, clearly outside the "workplace." My partner is asking me to be more understanding, since these are loyal clients who regularly attend his classes. But I feel jealous, and sometimes creeped out - one particular client keeps tagging him in photos, more than I do actually. Are my feelings warranted? How do I keep this jealousy under control?


« Reply #1 on: April 14, 2019, 05:50:27 pm »

The devil is in the details.

Your challenge is not a new one. With most couples, one of the two is more attractive or popular vs. the other - so there is always some level of imbalance and from that stems jealousy.

It is the nature of what his line of work is. And to be brutally honest - we are talking about gay men here, we have sex - we stray - we are wolves on the hunt for fresh meat. In my large mid-west city almost everyone who are couples seem to be in open relationships - and for a reason.

He's going to get attention. He's going to be fawned over. He's going to be flirted with. And without question  - TOTAL CERTAINTY - gay men will try to sleep with him and be persistent until they do.

So that's what you are up against.

Change the player field. Spend more time away from him (on the nights he is supposed to be home) with other guys and not include him. You have to introduce what I call "the balance of power dynamic"; a reminder that what he's doing to you, you can do to him, and he needs to feel it so he knows. Just don't sit around and be a victim - because jealousy will eat you alive.

I'm sure there are hundreds of opinions on this topic, mine is but one (neither right, nor wrong - it is what it is) and either you will consider it or disregard it. Its all about the choices you make.

Good luck!


« Reply #2 on: April 17, 2019, 05:49:54 pm »

Is this specific client being very flirty as well? I think that whether you should be jealous or not depends a lot on what the intentions of that client is. It could be that he just sees your partner as a friend and a nice guy to hang out with. He might even become a good friend of yours too. In which case, don't be jealous, just treat him like any friend of your partner. The fact they met through the fitness class shouldn't make a difference. Even if it really can be annoying when one's partner has a friend that doesn't care about being friends with the other half of a couple.

But, if it seems like the guy actually has a crush on your partner, it's a different case. As long as you're sure your partner doesn't actually feel the same way about the client, there's no need to worry, but I'd say that there's still possibly a reason to question whether it's a good idea that your partner hangs out so much with this guy.


« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2019, 02:10:14 pm »

Coming from a guy who has a trainer-crush himself, I kinda get your worries lol. I have a crush on mine and I bet a lot of people do. But the thing is sometimes it's just a crush because there's a lot of physical contact when you workout together and the motivation and you feel inspired by the guy and very grateful to him + you admire his body cause he's mostly what you aiming for. I think it's natural and if he says it's fine maybe there is nothing to worry about but just watch out if things start getting weird like him for example hiding the info that he has a partner (you) and that he's single or stuff then there's every right to be jealous


« Reply #4 on: April 24, 2019, 02:19:15 pm »

If you're in a monogamous relationship and you're both on the same page on that, then it's up to your boyfriend to be more professional and learn where to draw the line with clients. If it was another kind of job you wouldn't expect some customer or client to be coming over in your free time. Unless your boyfriend has invited him - which brings us back to whether he's invited because he wants to, or because he feels he has to in order to keep his business.

Either way, your reaction seems completely normal and understandable given the circumstances. "Well gay men are sluts so deal with it" isn't really a good answer to the OPs situation.

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