A Cry for Help
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« on: July 09, 2020, 06:22:43 am »

Hey all,

I'm writing this because I figured I have a serious problem. I'm a 20 year old gay guy and since the quarantine happened, I have had a lot of free time. Instead of being productive, all I can think about is jerking off or playing video games. I am also attracted to wrestling. There's a website that I check almost every 5 minutes for new wrestlers in my area. I am always horny. I don't know how to stop. I hate feeling like this. My eyes are hurting from starting at my phone all day. I am starting to neglect my other responsibilities because I'd rather be touching myself.

Please help, I tried to stop by myself and it didn't work.
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« Reply #1 on: July 09, 2020, 07:52:32 am »

Hey all,

I'm writing this because I figured I have a serious problem. I'm a 20 year old gay guy and since the quarantine happened, I have had a lot of free time. Instead of being productive, all I can think about is jerking off or playing video games. I am also attracted to wrestling. There's a website that I check almost every 5 minutes for new wrestlers in my area. I am always horny. I don't know how to stop. I hate feeling like this. My eyes are hurting from starting at my phone all day. I am starting to neglect my other responsibilities because I'd rather be touching myself.

Please help, I tried to stop by myself and it didn't work.

How did  you spend your time differently before the quarantine?  What was your social life like?

Maybe the underlying problem is that you're bored, lonely, frustrated, etc.?  (Seems normal under the circumstances.)  What exactly do you think are the underlying emotions you're experiencing?

What is it exactly you are trying to stop doing?  Checking for wrestlers, masturbating, video games, using your time unproductively?

Sounds one part of a solution might be to avoid using the phone or computer you're using to access the internet, but that won't solve the underlying issues.  Are there better ways you could use your time that would help improve your situation?
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« Reply #2 on: July 09, 2020, 08:47:18 am »

You’re right. There are definitely some underlying issues that I’m fighting with every day. Ever since I started to embrace my sexuality, I’ve longed for a boyfriend. I am not satisfied with just hooking up because I crave that intimacy with someone who shares the same interests and views as me. I’ve tried to bury it deeper and deeper inside myself by saying “I don’t need a man, I can make myself happy.” I realize that now more than ever, I crave another person’s attention and intimacy.
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« Reply #3 on: July 09, 2020, 11:16:43 am »

You’re right. There are definitely some underlying issues that I’m fighting with every day. Ever since I started to embrace my sexuality, I’ve longed for a boyfriend. I am not satisfied with just hooking up because I crave that intimacy with someone who shares the same interests and views as me. I’ve tried to bury it deeper and deeper inside myself by saying “I don’t need a man, I can make myself happy.” I realize that now more than ever, I crave another person’s attention and intimacy.


Unfortunately, it's not a good time to initiate sexual relationships but it's a great time to make contacts with people online and then meet them later because so many people are in a similar situation.  Focus on making friends with other gay men that you will enjoy being around and doing things with as friends.  That's how to meet lots of men and sometimes you will click with one.  That is a more natural and easier thing to do than to focus on finding a romantic partner and it is a surprisingly more effective and efficient way to find one, too.
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« Reply #4 on: July 09, 2020, 12:13:22 pm »

Most of us have had weird times during the covid-19 quarantine. I have also been very little productive during these months, I have watched more porn than ever during these months, I have jerked off more often than before (even having a boyfriend as I do and living together as we are)... I guess now that the quarantine is over, the point is to try to start doing regular things and similar (as much as the pandemic allows us) things as before... coming back to normal, I would say.

In any case, I think professional help from a psychologist is always going to be very positive after such an unusual situation we all have gone through. I am already talking to a psychologist to put things in order in my life again.

And I recommend it to everyone.
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« Reply #5 on: July 09, 2020, 07:55:23 pm »

You’re right. There are definitely some underlying issues that I’m fighting with every day. Ever since I started to embrace my sexuality, I’ve longed for a boyfriend. I am not satisfied with just hooking up because I crave that intimacy with someone who shares the same interests and views as me. I’ve tried to bury it deeper and deeper inside myself by saying “I don’t need a man, I can make myself happy.” I realize that now more than ever, I crave another person’s attention and intimacy.


Unfortunately, it's not a good time to initiate sexual relationships but it's a great time to make contacts with people online and then meet them later because so many people are in a similar situation.  Focus on making friends with other gay men that you will enjoy being around and doing things with as friends.  That's how to meet lots of men and sometimes you will click with one.  That is a more natural and easier thing to do than to focus on finding a romantic partner and it is a surprisingly more effective and efficient way to find one, too.


I see what you mean. You’re absolutely right. It is a bit harder for me to meet people since I come from a very conservative and homophobic community. The only way to meet other gay men like me is through gri*dr. That’s also a huge problem for me because I get so obsessed with it that I have to constantly check it for new users. It’s a vicious cycle. Even hanging out with my friends doesn’t bring me any joy or happiness at this point. I need a change of scenery but I don’t know where to look. Also since the gyms have been closed, I’ve been less motivated to do any sort of physical activity and have noticed my weight go up. By staying home and being bored, I tend to pick on my appearance and fall into a dark place in my mind.
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« Reply #6 on: July 09, 2020, 08:34:14 pm »

Most of us have had weird times during the covid-19 quarantine. I have also been very little productive during these months, I have watched more porn than ever during these months, I have jerked off more often than before (even having a boyfriend as I do and living together as we are)... I guess now that the quarantine is over, the point is to try to start doing regular things and similar (as much as the pandemic allows us) things as before... coming back to normal, I would say.

In any case, I think professional help from a psychologist is always going to be very positive after such an unusual situation we all have gone through. I am already talking to a psychologist to put things in order in my life again.

And I recommend it to everyone.

Thanks for sharing your experience. Yes, I agree a therapist would be a good start. It’s hard to find one because of how expensive they are. I am going to be home for another 4-5 months mostly because of school. It’s been tough.
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« Reply #7 on: July 09, 2020, 08:42:13 pm »

Hey all,

I'm writing this because I figured I have a serious problem. I'm a 20 year old gay guy and since the quarantine happened, I have had a lot of free time. Instead of being productive, all I can think about is jerking off or playing video games. I am also attracted to wrestling. There's a website that I check almost every 5 minutes for new wrestlers in my area. I am always horny. I don't know how to stop. I hate feeling like this. My eyes are hurting from starting at my phone all day. I am starting to neglect my other responsibilities because I'd rather be touching myself.

Please help, I tried to stop by myself and it didn't work.
First off, you can congratulate yourself for not only wanting to make changes in your life, but also sharing them in a public forum like this.  That takes real courage, and it probably puts you half-way to your desired outcome.

These quarantine times are very strange for all of us.  I spend a lot more time on this website than I used to...and many of us have put on quarantine weight, which is a such a no-no in a culture that often idealizes guys who are as skinny as a toothpick.  

As for "touching yourself" more often, that's part of the quarantine experience:  Since you're not mingling in the conservative and homophobic community you mentioned in your update, you're in an environment (home) where you can be as sexual as you want.  This new-found freedom is something to be celebrated, although of course you don't want to go overboard.

Since you've identified some things that you want to change, you can start by taking baby steps towards what you want.  Deciding that "from now on I won't watch porn, and only eat celery and kale" is setting up for failure.  Change in our lives is a process, not an event.

Please let us know how you're doing, and know that you have a community of people who care about you.  Feel free to send a private message to me if you want.
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« Reply #8 on: July 09, 2020, 09:10:02 pm »

Hey all,

I'm writing this because I figured I have a serious problem. I'm a 20 year old gay guy and since the quarantine happened, I have had a lot of free time. Instead of being productive, all I can think about is jerking off or playing video games. I am also attracted to wrestling. There's a website that I check almost every 5 minutes for new wrestlers in my area. I am always horny. I don't know how to stop. I hate feeling like this. My eyes are hurting from starting at my phone all day. I am starting to neglect my other responsibilities because I'd rather be touching myself.

Please help, I tried to stop by myself and it didn't work.
First off, you can congratulate yourself for not only wanting to make changes in your life, but also sharing them in a public forum like this.  That takes real courage, and it probably puts you half-way to your desired outcome.

These quarantine times are very strange for all of us.  I spend a lot more time on this website than I used to...and many of us have put on quarantine weight, which is a such a no-no in a culture that often idealizes guys who are as skinny as a toothpick.  

As for "touching yourself" more often, that's part of the quarantine experience:  Since you're not mingling in the conservative and homophobic community you mentioned in your update, you're in an environment (home) where you can be as sexual as you want.  This new-found freedom is something to be celebrated, although of course you don't want to go overboard.

Since you've identified some things that you want to change, you can start by taking baby steps towards what you want.  Deciding that "from now on I won't watch porn, and only eat celery and kale" is setting up for failure.  Change in our lives is a process, not an event.

Please let us know how you're doing, and know that you have a community of people who care about you.  Feel free to send a private message to me if you want.

Wow. I don’t know how to thank you enough. I feel like you pointed out everything I tried to say but couldn’t form the words. It’s refreshing to finally be able to talk and be heard without feeling a sense of shame. This conversation that I’ve been having with you and the other helpful users is exactly what I’m looking for. I wish it was as easy as just typing my feelings on a piece of paper and giving it to people in the street haha.

As of right now, I’ve decided to focus more on work since I’m home and have no classes until August. I have two interviews today and I’m starting for one of the jobs on Monday (remote of course). Hopefully this can keep me occupied and help me turn my attention on more important things in life. I’m just scared that my obsession will overcome my willpower and stop me from being on top of my tasks.
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« Reply #9 on: July 09, 2020, 09:23:20 pm »


I see what you mean. You’re absolutely right. It is a bit harder for me to meet people since I come from a very conservative and homophobic community. The only way to meet other gay men like me is through gri*dr. That’s also a huge problem for me because I get so obsessed with it that I have to constantly check it for new users. It’s a vicious cycle.


I grew up in a place like that and leaving was the best thing that I ever did.  If you can leave at some point, do.  Unfortunately that is the best advice I can give for the situation.  Even if you can't leave now, it will give you a goal to work towards and hope for the future.

Quote
Even hanging out with my friends doesn’t bring me any joy or happiness at this point. I need a change of scenery but I don’t know where to look. Also since the gyms have been closed, I’ve been less motivated to do any sort of physical activity and have noticed my weight go up. By staying home and being bored, I tend to pick on my appearance and fall into a dark place in my mind.

Sounds like you are clinically depressed and you are right that seeing a psychologist might be helpful.  Your regular medical doctor may be of assistance as depression is something they see on a regular basis, so that might be a good place to start since therapists are so expensive.  Since you are a student, check to see if your school has counseling services for students at no cost.  That is often the case.
« Last Edit: July 09, 2020, 09:29:53 pm by (Hidden) » Logged


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« Reply #10 on: July 10, 2020, 12:04:30 am »


I see what you mean. You’re absolutely right. It is a bit harder for me to meet people since I come from a very conservative and homophobic community. The only way to meet other gay men like me is through gri*dr. That’s also a huge problem for me because I get so obsessed with it that I have to constantly check it for new users. It’s a vicious cycle.


I grew up in a place like that and leaving was the best thing that I ever did.  If you can leave at some point, do.  Unfortunately that is the best advice I can give for the situation.  Even if you can't leave now, it will give you a goal to work towards and hope for the future.

Quote
Even hanging out with my friends doesn’t bring me any joy or happiness at this point. I need a change of scenery but I don’t know where to look. Also since the gyms have been closed, I’ve been less motivated to do any sort of physical activity and have noticed my weight go up. By staying home and being bored, I tend to pick on my appearance and fall into a dark place in my mind.

Sounds like you are clinically depressed and you are right that seeing a psychologist might be helpful.  Your regular medical doctor may be of assistance as depression is something they see on a regular basis, so that might be a good place to start since therapists are so expensive.  Since you are a student, check to see if your school has counseling services for students at no cost.  That is often the case.

I am going to try the school counselor. It feels good to be able to talk about this on here. I appreciate your help a lot!
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« Reply #11 on: July 10, 2020, 03:00:42 am »


I am going to try the school counselor. It feels good to be able to talk about this on here. I appreciate your help a lot!

Yeah, it's good to know that you are not the only one who has experienced similar issues.  It's also good that you are taking some positive actions right now to improve your situation.

Best therapist I ever had was at school.  It was also convenient because he scheduled our appointments around my class schedule and it was right on campus.  We focused on some problems I was having as well as some larger issues.

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