Advice on what to do about vanished poster with long-lost scene
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Author Topic: Advice on what to do about vanished poster with long-lost scene  (Read 228 times)
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« on: July 25, 2020, 09:13:26 pm »

Recently, on another forum, I assisted a user named "xenomaxxx" (who I noticed also posts here) in obtaining several scenes he was looking for. Some time later, I received a message from this poster saying he had 1 or 2 of the long-lost scenes from AmateurStraightGuys I was looking for and was I still interested in receiving them. I replied back that I did, but he never replied back. I sent several follow-up messages just in case he didn't get the first one for some reason, but still nothing. I can tell he's logged into the forum many times since then.

Does anyone have any advice on what to do about this? These scenes haven't been available anywhere in decades and this may be my only chance to get them. I believe he legit has them because the PM he sent had little screen caps of what was on his cloud. I don't want to say that he "owes" me, but considering I did help him out, it's rather surprising and frustrating that he's been cockteasing me like this.

Please help.
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« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2020, 10:37:38 pm »

Recently, on another forum, I assisted a user named "XXX" (who I noticed also posts here) in obtaining several scenes he was looking for. Some time later, I received a message from this poster saying he had 1 or 2 of the long-lost scenes from AmateurStraightGuys I was looking for and was I still interested in receiving them. I replied back that I did, but he never replied back. I sent several follow-up messages just in case he didn't get the first one for some reason, but still nothing. I can tell he's logged into the forum many times since then.

Does anyone have any advice on what to do about this? These scenes haven't been available anywhere in decades and this may be my only chance to get them. I believe he legit has them because the PM he sent had little screen caps of what was on his cloud. I don't want to say that he "owes" me, but considering I did help him out, it's rather surprising and frustrating that he's been cockteasing me like this.

Please help.

Since you asked, I think it would be much more appropriate to send him a PM (private message) on the other website than to make public posts about it.  You might also send him a PM here.  A public post is not going to be any more effective than a PM and might even offend him as it comes across as an attempt at shaming, even if that was not your intention. 

He might be traveling on summer vacation, he might be busy with work in a hospital slammed with Trump virus patients, he might be on a respirator himself.  He deserves the benefit of the doubt. 

You should at least edit your post to leave out his user name if you don't ask the mods to delete this thread entirely.  (I quoted you but XXX'd his user name out.)
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« Reply #2 on: July 26, 2020, 07:38:56 am »

Recently, on another forum, I assisted a user named "XXX" (who I noticed also posts here) in obtaining several scenes he was looking for. Some time later, I received a message from this poster saying he had 1 or 2 of the long-lost scenes from AmateurStraightGuys I was looking for and was I still interested in receiving them. I replied back that I did, but he never replied back. I sent several follow-up messages just in case he didn't get the first one for some reason, but still nothing. I can tell he's logged into the forum many times since then.

Does anyone have any advice on what to do about this? These scenes haven't been available anywhere in decades and this may be my only chance to get them. I believe he legit has them because the PM he sent had little screen caps of what was on his cloud. I don't want to say that he "owes" me, but considering I did help him out, it's rather surprising and frustrating that he's been cockteasing me like this.

Please help.

Since you asked, I think it would be much more appropriate to send him a PM (private message) on the other website than to make public posts about it.  You might also send him a PM here.  A public post is not going to be any more effective than a PM and might even offend him as it comes across as an attempt at shaming, even if that was not your intention. 

He might be traveling on summer vacation, he might be busy with work in a hospital slammed with Trump virus patients, he might be on a respirator himself.  He deserves the benefit of the doubt. 

You should at least edit your post to leave out his user name if you don't ask the mods to delete this thread entirely.  (I quoted you but XXX'd his user name out.)

I think you're missing the point there. I have sent him several messages on the other forum, which he hasn't responded to. I can tell that he's logged in there many times since he sent me the PM. He could just respond with a simple "I'm busy at the moment, I'll get to it later", but he hasn't.
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« Reply #3 on: July 26, 2020, 03:49:25 pm »

Not sure what you want other members on here to say but at this point you have done all you can do.
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« Reply #4 on: July 26, 2020, 06:28:47 pm »

I think you're missing the point there. I have sent him several messages on the other forum, which he hasn't responded to. I can tell that he's logged in there many times since he sent me the PM. He could just respond with a simple "I'm busy at the moment, I'll get to it later", but he hasn't.

Yes, I did miss the fact that he had logged in, and I can see how you are justifiably irritated, but posting about it on the forum with his username still doesn't help your reputation and is unlikely to get him to follow through any more than a PM.   >Cheesy
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« Reply #5 on: July 26, 2020, 11:21:19 pm »

I don't want to say that he "owes" me, but considering I did help him out, it's rather surprising and frustrating that he's been cockteasing me like this.
  Umm...even if you're not saying that he "owes" you, it does sound like you believe he "should" help you.  The fact that you helped him out doesn't put him under any obligation to help you. 

I think the best resolution here is for you to ask a moderator to delete this thread or at least the other guy's username from the original post.
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« Reply #6 on: July 28, 2020, 04:30:40 pm »

I don't want to say that he "owes" me, but considering I did help him out, it's rather surprising and frustrating that he's been cockteasing me like this.
  Umm...even if you're not saying that he "owes" you, it does sound like you believe he "should" help you.  The fact that you helped him out doesn't put him under any obligation to help you. 

I think the best resolution here is for you to ask a moderator to delete this thread or at least the other guy's username from the original post.

Ummm....It's pretty obvious I understand that he isn't required to help me. "You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours", that's generally how these things work.

He's not under any obligation to help me, no. But I definitely don't appreciate being cockteased like that. It's the equivalent of dangling the carrot in somebody's face, only to swipe it away when they reach for it.

And I don't have any desire to ask the higher ups to delete the thread either.
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« Reply #7 on: July 29, 2020, 03:50:00 am »

He's not under any obligation to help me, no. But I definitely don't appreciate being cockteased like that. It's the equivalent of dangling the carrot in somebody's face, only to swipe it away when they reach for it.

And I don't have any desire to ask the higher ups to delete the thread either.

Well, your post supposedly requested advice and you got it but it seems that you didn't really want it.  What you wanted was to complain and to try to ruin his reputation, but it backfired.

Of course when someone initiates this type of public shaming, they have already realized they are probably not going to get what they want because the only way this sort of post would help if is the person was truly unable to follow up for some reason and is also very, very nice.  Many or most people would just say "screw that dude" if they were the subject of a post like this, even if they would have responded positively to a PM.  

You can't really win with this post because it makes you seem vindictive.  Would anyone who reads it want to get involved with any sort of interaction or deal with you in the future?  No.  

I won't post in this thread again and won't even say "good luck" to you.   afraid
« Last Edit: July 29, 2020, 03:55:03 am by (Hidden) » Logged


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« Reply #8 on: July 29, 2020, 03:58:01 pm »

He's not under any obligation to help me, no. But I definitely don't appreciate being cockteased like that. It's the equivalent of dangling the carrot in somebody's face, only to swipe it away when they reach for it.

And I don't have any desire to ask the higher ups to delete the thread either.

Well, your post supposedly requested advice and you got it but it seems that you didn't really want it.  What you wanted was to complain and to try to ruin his reputation, but it backfired.

Of course when someone initiates this type of public shaming, they have already realized they are probably not going to get what they want because the only way this sort of post would help if is the person was truly unable to follow up for some reason and is also very, very nice.  Many or most people would just say "screw that dude" if they were the subject of a post like this, even if they would have responded positively to a PM.  

You can't really win with this post because it makes you seem vindictive.  Would anyone who reads it want to get involved with any sort of interaction or deal with you in the future?  No.  

I won't post in this thread again and won't even say "good luck" to you.   afraid

That's mostly speculation on your part.

I was not given any advice on how to proceed from anyone that posted in this thread. All anyone ever told me was that there was nothing I could do (that I hadn't already done).

You're trying to make me out to be some type of monster when all I want was simply what was offered to me (and again, after I *helped* him). I mention his name because I thought there might be the possibility that someone would say something like "Oh hey, I know him and am friends with him, I'll see if I can get it for you" or something of that nature. If I was trying to attack the poster, my post would have been a lot more mean-spirited then it was. Heck, he can still send me the scene and I can request the entire thread be deleted. All I want is my scene and I'll shut up about it.

He requested help from me. I gave it. He then offered help to me, I accepted, and he clammed up. He won't send. He won't even respond to messages. That's a pretty dink thing to do.
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