being a closeted only child in asian family
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« on: October 07, 2020, 05:01:36 pm »

Hi guys,
I'm 22 and still in the closet... my traditional asian parents already started pressuring me to bring home a girlfriend and settle down  Undecided
but the thing is I'm gay and they have no idea. Being also the only child I feel even more responsibility and pressure to give them grandchildren and carry on the family name. Unfortunately I don't really see coming out as an option. I know that ideally telling the truth is better than lying, but to come out knowing that it would hurt and damage my family, knowing that they wouldn't accept me.. it just makes me feel very selfish.
Does anyone here have a similar story? what is your experience?
thank you
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« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2020, 07:17:13 pm »

Hey, also asian here. 28 now. Thankfully i have an older sister and a younger brother but im still not out yet either. They haven't pressured getting a gf etc to me but i think it's because they know im gay... I just haven't had the courage to say it.

So far only my brother knows in my family. I stupidly decided to move back to my parents during lockdown and its really killing me not being myself.

I think the best advice would be to get yourself into a state of full independence, then tell them and if they want nothing more to do with you, you'll be fine financially... You may need a good friend circle emotionally though. I should also really take my own advice as I've kinda been financially independent for a few years now lol, i just dont have that good friend circle/still too scared XD
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« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2020, 12:05:36 pm »

The only advice I can give you, guys, from my personal experience is to always be yourself and to always trust that the people who love you right now will love you when you come out. If someone changes his/her mind, it is just because he or she didn't really love you.

And also do not feel pressed to come out. Each of us has found the appropriate moment to come out. You will know when it is the best time to do it.

Be yourself and be as happy as you can!
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