Crush on my student... Help me.. What should I do?
Hello July 22, 2018, 02:43:17 pm *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
 
   Home   Help Arcade Login Register  
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Crush on my student... Help me.. What should I do?  (Read 4147 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
(Hidden)

« on: October 26, 2015, 05:47:43 pm »

I'm a lecturer in a university in Indonesia (note this first... Haha). Now, I have a crush on a student whom I'm teaching. He's a little bit shorter than me, but he's muscular (I know from his FB profile and his big chest). Luckily, he's single. But the problem is:
1. I don't know if he's gay. I want to ask him about that, but I'm afraid making him uncomfortable.
2. I just want to tell him that I like him.
3. More importantly, I still want to be professional, like usual student-lecturer relationship (because I don't want to get caught.. Hehehe).

What do you think, people? What should I do?
Really appreciate your advice
Thank you
« Last Edit: October 26, 2015, 05:56:50 pm by (Hidden) » Logged


(Hidden)

« Reply #1 on: October 26, 2015, 06:13:38 pm »


This one is a no-brainer.
Leave the student alone. That or you can quit your job and attempt to pursue the student.... which as a former teacher I would say is in bad taste.

There are more people in the world than your class... exercise some self control....
Logged
6x Thumb Up


(Hidden)

« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2015, 07:34:58 pm »

I totally agree with what JupiterJazz has said. Things could get ugly if you approached student in that respect. Also there is a fear of loss of your credibility if he shared this information amongst his friends and peers or complained to authorities, it can cause some trouble while changing jobs. If you really want to approach him do that without being a teacher, but I would strongly advise against it. There are more fish in the bowl than what meets the eye.

Also make sure you don't ogle at him during your lectures.
Logged
1x Thumb Up


(Hidden)

« Reply #3 on: October 26, 2015, 07:39:06 pm »

JupiterJazz nailed it on the head. As a college professor, there have been many students over the years that I found attractive, but what separates us from the beasts is that we can CHOOSE to act in respectful and professional manner. Stay away from him, and look for someone outside the university to get you rocks off with.
Logged
1x Thumb Up


(Hidden)

« Reply #4 on: October 27, 2015, 03:35:56 am »

Thanks guys for your advice. I thought my case would end up like a scene in game "Coming Out On Top" in which the student kisses the lecturer.... Hahaha  Tongue
« Last Edit: October 27, 2015, 03:47:35 am by (Hidden) » Logged


(Hidden)

« Reply #5 on: November 04, 2015, 12:21:05 pm »

Oh, halo Cheesy

*ahem*

yeah, I'm with the others. (Of course, I know how hard it is in Indonesia to find a partner, much less a boyfriend)
...But the thing about movies is that it IS a movie. a glorified, beautified case, something looked at with a rose tinted glasses.

And you don't even know whether if he is gay or straight or anything in between. And I know how crush can make us read every little innocuous sign as "OMG IS HE GAY IS HE FLIRTING WITH ME WHAT WHAT"

....Too much effort, honestly. An effort like that is better spent pursuing someone who won't compromise your professional ethics -and- can reciprocate your feelings.
Logged
1x Exclamation point


(Hidden)

« Reply #6 on: November 04, 2015, 03:49:29 pm »

Oh, halo Cheesy

Of course, I know how hard it is in Indonesia to find a partner, much less a boyfriend

Have you visited Indonesia? Because it sounds like you know about gay life in Indonesia
I'm just curious

Oh, and btw, the game thing, I meant it as a joke.. hehehe
Logged


(Hidden)

« Reply #7 on: November 05, 2015, 12:03:27 pm »

Orang indo juga kok Tongue
Logged


(Hidden)

« Reply #8 on: November 05, 2015, 12:55:16 pm »

Orang indo juga kok Tongue

Walah.. Ga nyangka... Kirain dari US beneran... Hehehe
Logged


(Hidden)

« Reply #9 on: November 06, 2015, 12:10:19 am »

As a teacher myself, it is important to keep student-teacher relationships just that. One reason is because you are looked at as a mentor and someone who the student looks up to. Secondly, this can and probably cause problems at work. If you try to hide this relationship it won't stay hidden for long. Once it does come out you're out of a job and then what. Like other have said, look for someone that is not attending your school. I'm sure there are plenty of other guys out there.
Logged


(Hidden)

« Reply #10 on: November 06, 2015, 12:32:11 am »

The agreement here is deafening and I'm just going to make it louder.

Stay away from him while he's your student. When that student/lecturer relationships ends and a little time has passed, then it's a different story, but for now, hands off.

I think all the reasons given above are valid, but I'll add another.

If you make any move that compromises the student/lecturer relationship, you're risking the quality of his education.  He's there to learn your specialist subject from you, nothing else.  While I was teaching, I took great pains to wear a carefully constructed professional mask with my students. I carefully avoided interactions that would place any kind of barrier between me and them that would affect their learning.  I avoided politics, football, music and anything else that could have made them uncomfortable or awkward.

You need to be professional and do the same as I did, as even the most subtle probing about his orientation may be awkward for him, and compromise your ability to give him the kind of education he has a right to expect.
Logged
1x Thumb Up


(Hidden)

« Reply #11 on: November 06, 2015, 12:47:04 am »

Also, it's very different when he student approaches the professor than when the professor approaches the student. The student expects the professor to be a trustworthy person in their life, and going and hitting on them would not be right. If the student came to you, and you felt the same, thats a different story, but one that would still probably be ill-advised. Real life isn't Pretty Little Liars.
Logged


(Hidden)

« Reply #12 on: November 06, 2015, 02:04:21 am »

Students are just that students, they are there to learn not to play.  STAY AWAY!!  You are there to teach and that is what you are getting paid to do, not to screw every student that you find attractive.  There are plenty of problem with the education system, so please do not bring it down with your sexual appetite.

I can see your future, if you follow through on your plan to get involved with the lost of your Job, and probably you entire teaching career.

Wake up before you loose everything.
Logged



Remember me with smiles and laughter
For that's how I will remember you all
For if you can only remember with tears
Then please don't remember me at all.
(Hidden)

« Reply #13 on: November 06, 2015, 03:09:10 am »

Just admire from a distance and don't take it any further. You're a professional and Indonesia might not be the friendliest place in regards to LGBTQ individuals.
Logged


(Hidden)

« Reply #14 on: November 06, 2015, 03:40:07 am »

Pursue him when he is no longer your student!!!
Logged


(Hidden)

« Reply #15 on: November 06, 2015, 05:01:57 am »

LIFE IS SIMPLE...DON'T MAKE IT COMPLICATED

Logged


(Hidden)

« Reply #16 on: November 06, 2015, 10:40:57 am »

You may have to wait and restrain yourself, but I wouldn't totally abandon your feelings. Keep it professional, but stay in contact with him while he's attending the University. Help him out, be a good mentor... keep that aspect of your relationship legit. You may even get some "hints" if you keep in contact with him like that. If it feels right, maybe when he's approaching graduation, bring up your sexuality and/or interest.

As has been stated, your primary concern should be for your career and personal safety in situations like these. But I don't believe in permanently blacklisting an individual. Life just isn't that clear-cut.  Tongue
Logged


(Hidden)

« Reply #17 on: November 06, 2015, 09:38:54 pm »

Unfortunately I know the feeling, BUT you must stay professional... after all there are many out of the class and if you aren't even sure it's gay, why put yourself in danger?
Logged


(Hidden)

« Reply #18 on: November 06, 2015, 10:16:07 pm »

I think Indonesia is a Muslim country so the culture and social values are not as the same as of America... so I would say to forget that hot boy... the more you think of him, you may end up becoming crazy... other point is respect the teacher student relation...
Logged


Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  

* Permissions
You can't post new topics.
You can't post replies.
You can't post attachments.
You can't modify your posts.
BBCode Enabled
Smilies Enabled
[img] Enabled
HTML Disabled

 
Jump to:  

Related Topics
Subject Started by Replies Views Last post
I'm thinking about getting a tattoo on my right arm and chest. What do you think Sex & Relationships CableguyLive 15 5017 Last post September 25, 2014, 01:52:46 pm
by cutebros
I'm bisexual, but my parents support me to do whatever I want :) Family & Friends forgetjack 4 5149 Last post July 20, 2015, 12:25:01 pm
by revenger
What Should I do? Sex & Relationships Devourer 2 1482 Last post August 08, 2016, 10:15:14 am
by kalayaan
My boyfriend cheated on me. What should I do? Sex & Relationships « 1 2 » mwitze5 27 7643 Last post November 01, 2016, 11:49:02 pm
by UncleDolan