Stupid Questions people ask about Australia
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Author Topic: Stupid Questions people ask about Australia  (Read 6954 times)
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« on: July 09, 2016, 08:00:43 am »

here are some funny answers to stupid things tourists have actually asked the Australia Tourism Commision
and gotten a response:

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on
TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
( USA )
A: A-fir-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not
… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do…
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus.-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger.-man-y, which is
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
____________________________ ______________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you
Go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
__________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first
__________________________________________________
Q: do you guys have the same seasons as us? (USA)
A: No, our seasons are slightly different here
 we have
Magpie season – Aussies hate their lives and bleed profusely from the cranium
Jellyfish season – most Australians fear the water, especially in North QLD
Cyclone season – a festive season where we throw away house roofs, cars, any other crap not buried in 1000 tonnes of concrete
Wet season – akin to cyclone season but were Aussies like to pretend they live in aquariums
Winter season – its 10-25 degrees Celsius a lot of Australians die of hyperthermia
And then there is
Australian Mid-Summer that ranges anywhere between Mordor and Satan’s left testicle in heat
« Last Edit: July 09, 2016, 08:03:25 am by (Hidden) » Logged


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« Reply #1 on: July 09, 2016, 10:36:55 am »

I notice none of the questions came from Canada, not to imply that we don't have our own brand of idiot but it's just we're so busy answering similar questions:

Why do French Canadians have a different accent from other Canadians?

How do I apply for the Canadian Express Card?

What's this Boxing Day in Toronto, do you box on that day?

I heard about that new law and I'd like to find out... uh, my girlfriend would like to know the best places to go topless in Toronto.

Do you have automatic bank machines up there?

Are you connected to Greenland?

Can you tell me about the ferry from Halifax to Europe?

Does Nova Scotia have a dress code?

That's such a lovely flag," said a tourist admiring the Canadian flag. 'Does it come in many colors?"

At which elevation do the elk change to moose?

Can you book us baseball tickets at the SkyDome tonight? We're driving to Toronto this afternoon.

Is the water coming over the falls real?

What time do you turn on the rainbow?

From a tourist who was admiring the falls at night, when they're lit up with various coloured lights: What kind of dye do they put in the water to make it change colour like that?

I have to be at this address in Vancouver for dinner at 5 o'clock this evening. How much time should I allow myself to drive there?

Why do you Canadians have fireworks tonight? The 4th of July is still a few days away.

Which way do we walk to get to Montreal? We'd like to go there for lunch. 
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« Reply #2 on: July 09, 2016, 10:50:10 am »

 laugh laugh laugh laugh must be a commonwealth thing
answering stupid questions
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« Reply #3 on: July 10, 2016, 03:40:33 am »

I've always figured that Australians must play lots of chess; they're forever saying, 'Mate'. Crazy?
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« Reply #4 on: July 10, 2016, 08:30:13 am »

I've always figured that Australians must play lots of chess; they're forever saying, 'Mate'. Crazy?

depends on how you use the word mate , its not aways nice , its the tone not the word we are the only nation on this planet that says Mate to someone you don't like and cunt is someone you hold dear as a term of endearment
we're built tough in this nation , when i went to the states with a gay friend we found the gays there to be ultra soft especially with words that we both used about each other , lets just say it left some of our 'murican chums clutching their pearls.

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« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2016, 12:07:53 am »

I had sex once with an Australian in Hawaii, afterwards I went to the TV room and Kylie was opening or closing the Olympics, it was very, well it was very something. 

(fortunately I don't pass judgement without enough evidence, case in point: The Netherlands are still part of the planet)

I will say it is generally not a good idea to pass your self off as a top and then cry when I hate fuck you because you're not, whatever nation state you identify with.  Or if say you are from NYC and ask someone "Can you handle 10 inches?", maybe it's wrong of me as a Canadian to assume you're asking because that's what god dealt you but it's also wrong for a guy from NYC with barely 5 inches to expect me to pick up the phone next time he calls.

It should be that we are all basically people (except for my friend who has never convinced me he is from this planet).

Wait a minute, this isn't Speaker's Corner, there's no Winston Churchill statue near here, pardon my keyboard's diarrhoea and my lack of editorially skills
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« Reply #6 on: July 11, 2016, 10:57:31 am »

I had sex once with an Australian in Hawaii, afterwards I went to the TV room and Kylie was opening or closing the Olympics, it was very, well it was very something. 

(fortunately I don't pass judgement without enough evidence, case in point: The Netherlands are still part of the planet)

I will say it is generally not a good idea to pass your self off as a top and then cry when I hate fuck you because you're not, whatever nation state you identify with.  Or if say you are from NYC and ask someone "Can you handle 10 inches?", maybe it's wrong of me as a Canadian to assume you're asking because that's what god dealt you but it's also wrong for a guy from NYC with barely 5 inches to expect me to pick up the phone next time he calls.

It should be that we are all basically people (except for my friend who has never convinced me he is from this planet).

Wait a minute, this isn't Speaker's Corner, there's no Winston Churchill statue near here, pardon my keyboard's diarrhoea and my lack of editorially skills
he cried to Kylie , what a softcock , did you shake him like a British nanny shakes babies ??
i hope so
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« Reply #7 on: July 13, 2016, 01:44:32 pm »

I did what any true blooded Canadian would do:  next day when I saw him on the beach I pretended like I didn't.

I am not saying we are all passive-aggressive however when was the last time there was a Canadian lead invasion?  Oh sure, sometimes we talk a big game about torching the White House back in 1814 but Canada became a country in 1867...

If I was going to ask a stupid question about Australia it would be about the politics.  I watched a 4 part documentary on, well, I am not even sure what it was on if I was to sum it up from the documentary some woman with the help of shady and nefarious groups stabbed the PM at the time in his back, was no where near as good as a leader though was not half bad but got a brand of comeuppance when election time rolled around.  What was striking about the documentary (just because I didn't retain much didn't mean I wasn't riveted) was here was this documentary about whatever and whathave you but oh hey here's all the players dissecting the whole thing.  I know it doesn't sound like a question but here goes:  dafuq?

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« Reply #8 on: July 14, 2016, 01:16:43 pm »

I did what any true blooded Canadian would do:  next day when I saw him on the beach I pretended like I didn't.

I am not saying we are all passive-aggressive however when was the last time there was a Canadian lead invasion?  Oh sure, sometimes we talk a big game about torching the White House back in 1814 but Canada became a country in 1867...

If I was going to ask a stupid question about Australia it would be about the politics.  I watched a 4 part documentary on, well, I am not even sure what it was on if I was to sum it up from the documentary some woman with the help of shady and nefarious groups stabbed the PM at the time in his back, was no where near as good as a leader though was not half bad but got a brand of comeuppance when election time rolled around.  What was striking about the documentary (just because I didn't retain much didn't mean I wasn't riveted) was here was this documentary about whatever and whathave you but oh hey here's all the players dissecting the whole thing.  I know it doesn't sound like a question but here goes:  dafuq?


let me explain Australian politics
LNP ( Liberal/National Party ) aka The Coalition  aka , fucktards who give money to big corporations and shit on the little guy
ALP ( Australian Labor Party ) say they are for the little guy but give the money and power to unions and shit o the little guy
The greens ( hippy fucktard party)  live in the inner cities of melbourne and sydney , Affluent as fuck so they are guilty and only care about the environment ...screw the working class who gives a fuck

then we have
One Nation ..STOP THE FARKEN BOATS ..ISLAM ISLAM HALAL
Bob Katter - Stop the boats stop Islam ..stop the faggots
Family first -Christian Values stop the faggots

see a trend , this nation is all about stop the faggots and boats
here is a quite accurate representation of my nation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEth1_trm5k
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« Reply #9 on: July 24, 2016, 10:57:39 pm »

loooool so funny
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« Reply #10 on: July 28, 2016, 10:01:38 am »

It's funny Cheesy
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